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Ask them to explain the joke
Last weekend, author Heather Thompson Day posted a tweet that immediately went viral:
“When I was 19 my boss said I should be a phone sex operator & laughed. I said ‘I don’t get it’ He said ‘it’s a joke’ I said ‘explain it to me’ & that’s how I learned that once sexual harassers have to explain why their inappropriate jokes are funny, they stop laughing.”
While we love this approach for someone who is on the receiving end of an offensive or harassing joke, it’s also something for allies to keep in their back pockets. A phrase to pull out when we hear an inappropriate joke, regardless of whether someone within earshot is personally offended or not.
“I don’t get it. Please explain the joke to me.”
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Assume trade show booth staffers have expertise
At the MSIgnite conference last week, Microsoft employee Sonia Cuff witnessed an all-too-common phenomenon:
“Today at a booth when the female staffer said ‘Do you have a question?’ the male attendee said ‘Yes, but it’s a technical one.’”
Allies, let’s assume that someone working in the booth at a trade show has technical expertise in their products and can answer your questions. Even if they don’t fit the mold of what you think a technical expert might look like.
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Share your questions before the interview
To set up candidates for success, consider sending them the questions you plan to ask ahead of time. Give them time to think, prepare, and provide an insightful answer. While this approach is especially important to candidates on the autism spectrum, it can be helpful to anyone.
For example, we heard from Dr. Jennifer M. Gómez, an Assistant Professor in clinical psychology at Wayne State University. She publishes interview questions to help all applicants be on equal footing in preparing for the campus visit:
“Questions I will ask applicants to our clinical psychology Ph.D. program are posted on jmgomez.org under the Prospective Students section. I am not looking for who has the most in-grouped privilege. I want creative thinkers, hard workers, research fit/extension, etc.”
We love it!
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Don’t ignore someone with a disability
Catalyst, a global non-profit focused on building workplaces that work for women, published an infographic on being inclusive when talking to someone with a disability. It’s full of examples of what to avoid saying, and what to say instead. While the entire graphic is worth checking out, we do have a favorite…
Afraid of saying the wrong thing to a colleague with a disability, we might stay silent. As Catalyst points out, intentionally or unintentionally overlooking or being fearful of a person’s disability can feel dehumanizing. Instead of saying nothing, they recommend a simple, “Hi, how are you?”
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Don’t ask “Why aren’t you drinking?”
Before we know it, the holiday party season will be here. Here’s a friendly P.S.A.: Don’t ask someone why they’re opting for a non-alcoholic beverage.
There are myriad reasons someone might choose not to drink alcohol, including religious, age-related, pregnancy, addiction, and medical reasons. Additionally, some people might not want to get buzzed or just don’t like alcohol! Absolutely none of these reasons are anyone’s business, and not drinking shouldn’t make someone feel different from the group. Or that they don’t belong at the party.
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Mark Your Calendar
Karen Catlin will speak about Better Allies at these events:
- Jan 17: Conference for Undergraduate Women in Physics, Washington State University. Details
- Feb 14: AnitaB.org Technical Leaders Call. (Details coming soon)
- Apr 6: Workshop at The Lead Developer Conference, New York NY. Details
In the coming weeks, she’ll also speak at Google, Okta, and Under Armour. Want to invite Karen to give a talk at your event, speaker series, or company meeting? Simply reply to this email to start the conversation. It’s that easy!
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Being an ally is a journey. Want to join us?
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Together, we can — and will — make a difference with the Better Allies™ approach.
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