So my daughter turned 1. YEAR. OLD this weekend. 😳 This whole past year has flown the F by and I'm left here in its dust, waking up to how much I beat myself up for falling short of my own expectations. Hence, this:
THIS WEEK'S INTENTION:
YOU'RE EXACTLY WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
At this time last year, I had the following plans:
- Go back to work 2 months after Maya was born and jump right back in like nothing changed while pretty much full-time momming.
- Be the balanced, strong, levelheaded mom I always envisioned being. All the time.
Since having Maya, however, I've been punched in the face with the following realities:
- I'm not a great multi-tasker. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- I chronically set way-too-high expectations before I know what a situation will be like.
As much as I preach embracing where you are no matter where you are while having goals, I struggle to do this myself when it comes to my career. A while ago, I shared how wrapped up my worth was in my work, and how it dragged me back into depression when I failed to live up to my own expectations.
The number one reason I ever end up in that dark hole is losing sight of the reason behind everything. When I fall out of trust for the forces that be, I feel powerless and lost. I wind up in depression or anxiety. What I don't realize is what I hope I can help you realize today:
You're meant to be here right now with whatever is, exactly how it is.
Wherever you are is teaching you what you need to know for whatever comes next. Whatever you have that you don't want is getting you closer to what you do. The things that aren't how you thought they'd be are leading you where you're meant to go.
When I remember this truth and surrender into it, I realize things like:
- I'm always doing the best I can with what I have.
- "Balance" may just not be a possibility for most working moms in the first year. Acceptance of the chaos, however, is possible (and intensely freeing).
- I'm a bomb ass mom in both my times of levelheadedness and full-blown frazzle because Maya learns from my imperfections, not just my "perfection."
- I'm doing pretty well for never having done this before. *back pat*
So if you're beating yourself up for where you're not, remember this. It's running especially rampant at this time of year before going home for the holidays to see people you haven't seen for a while, or considering New Year's resolutions.
Different is not wrong. The unknown is not darkness.
Give yourself some grace and open up to the possibility that you are learning everything you need to know for the future...and the fact that it's probably going to look different than you imagine may be the most wonderful gift in our precious, confounding life here on Earth.
Aha-ing myself for the bajillionth time this year,
Amy
|