The Airport of Destiny or Where Birds Die

DECEMBER 3, 2019

Dear <<First Name>>,

There hasn't been a lot of these newsletters lately. I've been bouncing around NY, Florida, and VA... but today there is a lull...well a lull because of a storm. Sitting here in an airport bar with crappy wi-fi and food provided by Delaware North (sad irony), I pondered writing about the Bills.

Then the bartender happened to mention she was from Depew. That was it. It was the sign. It was the omen. It was the Baby Jesus appearing in the frosting of my Toaster Strudel (even though I created him/she/they with my frosty application prowess). I had to write this newsletter column!

So my first thought, aside from wondering who created the Toaster Strudel, was how the Bills can turn this season of destiny into a Season of Buffaloness.

By the way, the Interwebs say "Toaster Strudel is a toaster pastry marketed under the Pillsbury brand. The product was invented by Gretchen Wieners' father in 1985."

Gretchen is the one who wears the eye black on Sundays and screams "Broooooce," while tossing Beef on 'Wecks off the balcony, right?

So here's my Bills thought...with my old Buffalo brain in full function (and full of beer). The Bills will beat the Ravens and then the Steelers. The Pats will lose to KC and the game after that. The Bills will be up by one game heading to Foxborough...

And with 13 seconds left in that game, after every kicker option for the Pats has an emergency appendectomy, Tom Brady will kick a winning field goal, using Giselle's horsey head as a kicking tee.

Doesn't matter where I am or how much destiny is thrown my way, I am conditioned to think this way.

You see I want the Bills to injure Brady early on in the game and break this habitual malaise we all have deep in our genes... but the Football Genie (Not to be confused with the Football Hopper or Football Jeanie, who is dead) says I can have only one QB injury wish. I am using it already on Lamar  "Kajagoogoo" Jackson this week so the Bills can win.

Technically, I could have used a bonus QB injury/issue because I earned a free one last year "trusting the process," but between Big Ben and Mason Rudolph, I am out of wishes. Besides, Football Genie has gotten a bit weird about how and where I rub his lamp.

Did I mention that I am in an airport awaiting a delayed Boston flight and we have all been drinking through the afternoon? Look for the story of me and an "issue."

But let's just focus on the game ahead...one game at a time...

Bills 27 Ravens 26 (NFL MVP Leader on Monday: Football Genie)

Your friend in destructive thought,
Brian

PS: Riverboat Ron. He's coming to an Executive position near you.

#GOBILLS #BILLSMAFIA