Lesson: I'm non-binary, motherfuckers.
How you learned it: Some combination of podcasts, stand ups like Rhea Butcher, and articles. Eventually just realizing how many times I thought "well, this is certainly how I've always felt also."
Lesson: Service industry jobs can be just as fulfilling as "career" ones, whatever that means
How you learned it: Dropping out of law school & picking up a retail job
Lesson: How to style my hair (it's not frizzy, it's actually curly!)
How you learned it: Trial and error and reddit.
Lesson: How to ask for help in a way that felt so painful and heart-opening, because I was fighting shame
How you learned it: By paying attention to what my body was saying, and trusting that expressing it—at the risk of being too much or not enough—was the only way to learn.
Lesson: Bringing a new person into your family (however defined) is hard.
How you learned it: We adopted a daughter from foster care this year, so she was 12 when she joined our family. No matter how much I thought I'd prepared myself for it, it was so different. What surprised me most was how similar it felt to having a new roommate in my college/immediate-post-college years.
Lesson: I am loved.
How you learned it: Someone came into my life who wasn't scared away by my chronic illness, she decided to be my friend and broke down my 10yrs long isolation and loneliness.
Lesson: That joy should be the measure of success.
How you learned it: By unpacking my notion of "ambition" and focusing on what I think is actually important.
Lesson: I am happier not living in a city.
How you learned it: I tried not living in a city.
Lesson: I learnt to weave on a 4 shaft loom.
How you learned it: A course through the weavers guild.
Lesson: You have to tell people how you need their help - they aren’t mind readers.
How you learned it: An cancer diagnosis at 34 that left me needing LOADS of help from friends and family
Lesson: How to use a Diva cup!
How you learned it: Thanks to a friend who essentially acted as a birth coach to help me remove it.
Lesson: When a loved one shares a problem in their life with me, I don't need to fix it. Nothing is being asked of me, and I can just be present and make space for them to be with their problems. It doesn't make me a bad friend or partner.
How you learned it: Therapy, multiple clashes, feeling emotionally drained.
I could read these all day but we're out of space in the newsletter. Here's a link to the full spreadsheet of all the lessons and firsts.