Endings ...
Dear <<First Name>>,
It's been a while since my last newsletter .. 9 weeks in fact. I do my best to keep in touch at the beginning of each month but November was a roller coaster for me, and I know that I have not been alone in this. The shorter days and approaching winter takes its toll on many people. It was death who came to the table in my case.
 Some of you in fact may have spoken with this good man. There was a time in my early days with NVC when Scott would take phone calls and process payments for workshops, especially when I was organizing trainings for Marshall Rosenberg.
Scott died on November 18th in Victoria at the age of 65. We'd been married for 26 years, friends for 40 and raised 2 children together. He was born with polycystic kidney disease a congenital condition which over time compromises kidney function.
I think it fair to say that we all "know" that death will come for us one day and yet it's so painfully surprising and overwhelming when it actually happens to someone who is close to us .. the heartbreaking finality that intrudes on the shoreline of our imagined eternal lives. Scott was a kind soul .. intelligent, quick witted, inventive, warm hearted, caring, and always willing to lend a hand. Also a gifted and talented guitarist, he dearly loved to pluck those strings; the sweet melodies he played were always a gift for anyone who happened to be within earshot.
The last few weeks of Scott's life were intense and profound. Over the years I've occasionally spoken of my study time with author Stephen Jenkinson. For me it was heartbreaking to bear witness to the very things that Stephen references in both his seminal book Die Wise: A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul, 2015 and at his Orphan Wisdom School .. the widely accepted transactions and practices that shed light on the death phobia that prevails in our particular time and culture. I won't elaborate at this time but it's something that I can't put out of my mind and I hope to bring my pen to within the next few months. I've had several close people die during the past few years and the tragic pattern repeats itself each time.
I'm pleased to say however that my children and I had some fine people in our midst who helped us to craft a majestic farewell to Scott that in many ways subverted the status quo. Our son had flown out to Victoria from Ottawa with his wife and children and at the 11th hour decided to build a casket for his father. Our daughter then painted it. It was a stunning piece. Next .. we decided to bring Scott home following his death at hospice. We figured that he deserved to be at home and that we would proceed as our great grandparents and ancestors had done since time immemorial. We placed placed a phone call from hospice to the funeral home and just after midnight two gentlemen came to pick him up with stretcher and transport vehicle. Typically the body is transported to the funeral home, not to home. Both drivers remarked that this was a first for them. We laid him inside the beautiful pine coffin; we lit candles, held vigil, whispered prayers, sang songs, told stories, played cards, ate well, laughed and cried and then bade him farewell three days later. We were with him all the way to the holy fire. My kids and I sat at the table together late into the evening on that day of grand farewell and they both agreed, "I think our dad would have really loved everything we did." It was a precious moment that brings tears to my eyes. Yes indeed he would have loved it .. and I pray he did from his faraway spirt ledge.
I will finish with this .. there's no doubt that the death of someone close to us stirs up a lot of powerful emotion .. but it's not all sadness. In there too is the remembering of how amazing life is .. how sacred the breath is, how fortunate we are to have this brief moment in time. And in that realization, all of life glows as well gaze upon it softly though tear filled eyes. Amen to life. Amen to death.
The perfect song to remember the truth of life:
Here It Is by Leonard Cohen
May everyone live and may everyone die; hello my love and my love goodbye
__________________________________
Would you like to take NVC to the next level? Please consider my mentorship program: an effective way to deepen your practice and possibly become a reliable source others can turn to in times of need.
__________________________________
Thank you for reading. Until the next time, may you and your kin be well ..
For information about what an in-house training can do for you and your group, simply email me.
To work with me individually:
|
