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Family Drama
This week I took a much needed break from the circus in Washington DC and got totally sucked into the British royal family drama with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, these two have decided to take a step back from being royals-- whatever that means. 

From the trailer parks to the royal palace, families have drama.  Conflict between family members is nothing new and it's not limited to you and your "crazy" family.  Sometimes we can get so focused on the dysfunctional dynamics of our own families that we mistakenly believe that there is a perfect family out there just waiting for us to crash the family reunion. 

I'm no stranger to family conflict. I'm also witness to the power of healing and reconcilliation. If you know someone who needs to hear this, please forward the email and have them subscribe. 
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Making Peace with Your Family
January 17, 2020 
SCRIPTURE READING
"Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone."  

Romans 12:18 (New Living Translation)
Dear Lord, family is an important part of your presence in the world and always under attack. Give us clarity of mind and open hearts to learn, love, and forgive.  Bless our families with unity and peace. Amen. 
I love my parents, siblings, and extended family.  I've learned to accept each one for who they are and the value they bring to the family and the world. This was not an overnight process and it is indeed a miracle from God in light of the painful and difficult experiences of my life. 

I have a father who refuses to talk about my childhood with any substance and a mother who can't remember any of it. They left me no choice but to seek healing on my own-- which was God's plan and the best thing that could have ever happened. I clung to my faith and studied the scriptures. I went to therapy and embraced the emotions that I had worked so hard to repress. I found my peace.

Studying the families in the Bible helped me understand that "There is nothing new under the sun." ( Ecclesiastes 1:9) Sibling rivalry, rebellious children, incest, murder, lies and deceit, all in a family structure, have been around since the beginning of time. Cain kills Abel in Genesis 4. Four chapters into 1,189 chapters of the Bible there was major conflict. 

These conflicts are not simply minor irritants of being apart of a family like who always eats the last cookie or who doesn't like your new girl/boyfriend. I'm not talking about your gossipy aunt or the cousin that still owes you money.  This is about the kinds of conflict that produce residual pain. Abandonment, abuse, and adultery, conflicts over sexual identity and religious choices, or disputes over land, businesses, and blended family issues wreak havoc on hearts and homes. 

You've figured out how to "forgive but not fool with her" or "love him from a distance."  This posture ultimately keeps the conflict buried in your heart and blocks your peace. You're only pretending to be good but deep inside you're still hurt. So here's the deal...

Do all that you can to live in peace with your family. The New King James Version says, "If it is possible, as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men." There it is -- if it depends on me, we're going to have peace in the family.  I'm responsible for my behavior. There will be no finger pointing in heaven. So, in those arguments and disagreements that don't really amount to much except bruised egos -- fix it-- even if, in your mind, you did nothing wrong. James 5:16 says, "Confess our sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed." 

Remember that everybody has issues. Everybody has a reason for the pain they've felt and the pain they've caused.  My parents couldn't parent me because of the deeply rooted issues from their own childhoods. My children complain that I am overbearing and overprotective, an over correction from my upbringing. Everybody has a reason. Stop to consider that you have hurt someone out of your pain, too. Remember the stone throwers in John 8:7. They were ready to condemn the adulterous woman until they remembered their own sin. Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone. 

Forgive the offense. We want the people who wronged us to make recompense in a way that satisfies us. Well, that doesn't always happen. My parents have never admitted that their negligence soiled my early life. But I get it. Sometimes people carry so much shame that they cannot acknowledge the wrong they've done. With prayer and reflection, you can forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness. Jesus forgives all of our sins and we certainly do not name them all. Colossians 3:13 reminds us to forgive each other as the Lord has forgiven us. 

Set boundaries. It took years for me to define (and set) boundaries with my family. It was tricky because I needed to establish my own peace and well-being while keeping the commandment to love. 2 Corinthians 8:13 says, "Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality." Boundaries aren't walls that keep you in and your family out. Boundaries are emotional contracts that determine how you behave, what you will and will not do.   I allow my family members to be who they are while not letting that infringe upon who I am. If you lie, I'm not lying for you. If you're mad that doesn't mean I'm mad, too...and so on. 

Pray and lean on God.  Forgiveness is a super power that comes from God.  Love is a super power that comes from God. Boundaries take courage and discipline that comes from God. You have to pray and read your Bible. 2 Corinthians 10:4 tells us that "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds." Spend time with God to heal yourself and your relationships. The relationship I have with my parents is a miraculous display of God's power. God wants to heal you and your family. He's waiting on you to ask, seek and knock for healing. 

There is no healing without God. You've seen the bumper sticker: No God. No Peace. Know God. Know Peace. 

Psalm 131:2 says, "I have calmed and quieted myself like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother's milk."  It's time to grow up and stop expecting your family members to conform to your standards. Accept each one for who they are and without judgment.

How can you do that after everything that's happened? How will you ever rebuild such a broken relationship? The answer is in Psalm 131:3.  "Put your hope in the Lord-- now and always." 


That's how you do it. 


Who do you need to forgive? What aspect of your upbringing do you need to accept?  Tell God. Tell somebody. Testify! 

Need help?  Book a Life Coaching session with me. Sessions are conducted by phone and/or video conference for your convenience.

 
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Copyright © 2020 The Kamryn Adams Company, All rights reserved.


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