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It has to be perfect okay?!

The first words must scintillate, okay? I must—
 
*cough*
 
Whoa. Sorry. Inner Atlin started this and she cray-cray sometimes.
 
What she said but what isn't true is this—your first draft or drawing, your second or third or fourth? It doesn't have to be anything other than crap. Crapola. Crapetti. Just like the road to work doesn't go from your door to their door, getting to the final draft of anything is A Journey.™
 
And you gotta make it. Here's how other writers and artists do it. (In technicolour.) — Atlin Merrick
 
*

I Like a Colour-Coded Mess
 
By Stella Elisei
 
Becoming a better writer is a problem.
 
No, no, no, not because it’s a difficult process, or at least not only that. The problem is that the first story you write? Your reaction will be, “OMG I’ve finished a story, I’m amazing!!!!” And no, I’ve not used too many exclamation marks there, though my inner editor is already complaining. If anything, I’ve underestimated the enthusiasm.
 
But by the twentieth, fiftieth, hundredth, or however many stories you have under your belt, when you’re more experienced? You finish your story and you shudder. Especially if, like me, your most productive writing time is 2am. Great for getting the story out without interruptions. Not so great if you want to avoid repeating concepts, writing comparisons that weren’t already cliché in the Vth century BC, and utterly cringe-inducing sentences.
 
When I’m not writing half-asleep, I do realise my sins in the moment I’m committing them. But I know myself. I’ll never end the story—or even the current paragraph—if I start looking for the perfect image, or the exact word I mean. Having English as a second language means that sometimes I’ll just stick a word in there and hope that it actually means what I need. That’s what highlighters are for, after all.
 
Why highlighters? Because I like to colour-code my messes. Find a different word in green, boring part in red, yellow for “I’ve completely invented this, research very needed,” and so on. It helps when I face my beta, blessed be her name. Of course, she’ll find another whole slew of problems I haven’t seen. That’s the point!
 
My consolation, during a big project, in which the messes seem to multiply, no matter how many things we fix? I don’t have to get it right…yet. I can go back to twiddling with the text until all people involved are satisfied…or so heartily sick of it, we deem it ready to see the light anyway.
 
Hopefully, by then, the worst flaws have been wiped out.
 
Stella Elisei (Elena at home) writes fanfiction as NovaNara and you'll find her stories on AO3 with stories also on FanFiction.net.
You're the Only One With Security Clearance
 
By Winklepicker
 
Who’s watching you? Who’s judging you on that first draft? That first sketch? That doodle, that terrible poem? Who gives a crap? You? Why? Why do you care what that first draft looks like? Are you going to show it to the world? Are you going to frame it and pop it up in a public gallery?
 
Are you not going to try to make it better?
 
Just do it. As Shia Lebeouf so helpfully shouts. Just do it.
 
Ah, I see you. I seeee you, you perfectionist you. The first line must be exquisite. The sentence structure must be perfect first try. That sketch should be fully formed from your mind with no need for a reference. Hell, maybe even no need for sketch. Just get straight in there with the ink. I see you there, you perfectionist, you procrastinator, you anxiety riddled...wait a gods damn second! That’s a mirror. Bugger!
 
Here’s the thing, there’s no cure for this apart from trying to train your brain away from it. Repeated exposure to mistakes of little or no consequence works. My venture into this training was starting a bullet journal with one rule that I do not break—no pages are to be torn out due to mistakes. Mistakes stay. I can cover them with stickers or art around them but no removing entirely. They absolutely ruin the page, the set-up I have going. But that’s my rule and I cannot tell you how much it has helped me to let go in other parts of my life. Turns out misspelling September in big decorative letters did not cause the world to end.
 
Anxiety is a total dickhead, but whittling away at that perfectionistic thinking has definitely helped with some aspects. It’s hard work and you can but try to work against it. Just do it. Go big, go for it. Your sketches are for your eyes only, be free. Let it go, let it gooooo, your drafts are need to know-ooo-ow—and you are the only one with that security clearance.
 
Write shittily without stopping for spelling or punctuation and certainly no Googling!
 
Write sentences that barely count as sentences.
 
Make a giant finger-painting mess and be free of your perfect shackles.
 
I too had blank notebooks that weren’t filled for fear of ruining the first page. I too wanted a pretty sketch book full of only gorgeous things instead of unskilled scribbles. I too wanted the beautifully decorated cake without bothering to bake it first let alone the enormous work of decorating it. I want the beauty to magically appear with very little hard work on my part. But it doesn’t have to feel hard.
 
Make a mess. Spill some flour, break the eggshell into the mix, mistake the salt for sugar. If it burns, scrape off the black bits. If it collapses, feed the crumbs to the ants.
 
It’s not easy to let go but the free fall is worth it. Go forth. Have fun. Make a mess.
 
Winklepicker is a good mess maker. Then she tidies up her messes and publishes them on AO3 to the giddy delight of Atlin Merrick (who wrote this bio).
Fog and Frustration
 
By Merinda Brayfield
 
When writing is going well it can feel like magic. Little sparks of imagination blossoming into stories. Characters taking breath and growing into their own beings. Worlds coming into focus. Words flowing from your fingers as if you’re merely the conduit for something greater. 
 
Not every day is magic. Some days it’s much harder. The words don’t flow. The characters cross their arms and refuse to speak. Fog covers the world.  
 
On those days it can be hard. Sometimes all you can do is put one word in front of the other as you trudge through the fog. Sometimes even though the characters refuse to speak you can still catch glimpses of who they are.
 
Those days it can feel more like stabbing blindly in the dark than creating something special, hacking at the words, grumbling at stubborn characters or plot points. Feeling like you're walled in and you’ll never break free.
 
Mess is a natural part of creating. Mess can be tidied and still has its purpose. You might be surprised to find diamonds underneath a jumble of words you threw on paper in a fit of frustration. 
 
And when the fog lifts you can see where you are. You might have to clean up the debris in order to find the path again, but when you stop and look back you’ll see you still made progress. 
 
In the end though, you can get through. The story is told, or maybe it isn’t but you still learned something in the journey. 
 
Writing and creating is magic. Story is the way we discover ourselves. Story builds empathy. Imagination is a gift.
 
Merinda Brayfield is a prolific writer of fanfiction, mostly on AO3 under Janto321. You can primarily find Merinda on Tumblr and Twitter.

 
How do you go about letting yourself create badly so you can get to the good? [x]
 
AlchemistDoctor @SHonlinet
I start notebooks by swearing a lot. It makes me less afraid to “ruin” the notebook by putting more on the pages.
 
Anke Eissmann @khorazir
My writing starts out as messy thoughts and ideas which I then rethink and refine for a long time before I write anything down. Once I’ve reached the writing down stage, most of the story (or the chapter, rather) has been formed in my head. It’s different with drawing. Even though I often have a picture in my mind, putting it down on paper involves lots of very rough sketches and messy underdrawings. That’s why I love working in ink: at some point, you can turn the scribble into lineart and erase the pencil mess.
 
EssexRuler
I like to work on messy pages when I first start to draw so I know it isn't the drawing's final stage. I let the cat walk on the paper with her wet feet or I still use the paper where I splashed tea, it helps me not be so worried and precious about what I am making.
 
Esik Elwood @EsikElwood
I need this in my life. In uni I didn’t do “drafts” I put myself under pressure that every word had to be perfect the first time. I refined every sentence as I went along so it could take an hr to write a 100words. I got through but, not healthy! Advice please Sparkers!?!
 
L.H. Westerlund
Many things in our lives are about succeeding. Those very lives, according to some. We learn it early - it gets drilled into the very marrow of our bones by the time we're five. Who's the more successful? Who's best? The thing is, with writing, the road is so much longer than it looks from the starting step. Success is not your immediate stop; it is the final goal. You've got to dare to fail many times before you get there - just make sure you fail better, every time, and finally one day you won't fail any more.
 
Maria @stuffasdreams
It's hard for me to be messy. I have issues editing my own work in a major way, because I start second guessing myself, even if it's super necessary. So, any tips about how to be messy and kind to yourself are much appreciated.
 
Merinda B Writing @merindab
You learn from everything you do. Even if you think it’s terrible, it’s still practice, and every word counts. As has been said before, bad words can be edited, a blank page can't.
ChrisCalledMeSweetie:           
Why don't I comment on Spark, you ask?
I feel like an idiot admitting this, but it simply never
occurred to me to do so… Until now!

Now, you have unleashed a beast.
I shall comment ruthlessly from now on.
Often in ALL CAPS. Because I LOVE SPARK
AND EVERYONE WHO C
ONTRIBUTES TO IT!!!
Beauty In The Chaos
 
By Jen C. Flynn
 
I’m a planner. A habitual planner. I need to know what is going to happen before I begin writing; it’s the only way I finish what I start.
 
However, that means the documents I use to outline often frolic around and spawn story offspring. Then, the offspring split off and move into a folder to begin families of their own. And that’s just the outline!
 
The outline is where I allow myself to get the most messy. I mean, head-to-toe covered in red clay and dusted with white sand—sometimes, I even end up tarred and feathered (but only the prettiest of feathers will do, thank you very much!).
 
It’s a lot like creating a jungle path where there wasn’t one before, with nothing more than a vision and a machete. Ahead of me is thick foliage with thicker underbrush wrought with vines and fallen logs easily tripped over. And believe me, I trip over them constantly. But I cut and slash and hack away at those encroaching branches and I move those vines aside (I leave the logs though; those are pretty and inspirational).
 
When I get to the end, I turn around and look back at what I’ve accomplished. You can probably imagine what this newly, haphazardly-made path looks like. Discarded leaves and branches litter the jungle floor. It’s…well, it’s a mess!
 
But allowing myself to get this messy in the outlining stage gives me a path on which to begin writing. I can see where I came from, where I’ve ended up, and everything in between.
 
Then, I pick up my characters, walk back to the beginning of my path, set them down, and say, “There you go! Have at it!”
 
And away they go.
 
Do they stay on the path?
 
Ha, ha, ha! Nope!
 
One of them wanders off to take a pee break and gets lost, and the rest of them dive into the bush to avoid being seen by a predator. Sometimes, they shout, “Fuck the path!” and dash off in a completely different direction!
 
And that’s where the creating gets messier. That’s when I’m writing two or three different variations of the same scene, or changing the location of a character’s home, or changing the timeline.
 
But I am merely a visitor in my characters’ world. They know their way around it better than I do, so I listen to them. Even if it means my straight-ish path ends up looking more like a suburban neighbourhood full of winding streets and unexpected cul-du-sacs.
 
Eventually, my lost characters do find their way back to the path I created for them. From there, they get to the end, put their feet up, and enjoy a bracing cup of tea while I get busy cleaning up the messes they made. The broken vines and severed branches get tossed into the surrounding jungle where they can take root and live again.
 
But that’s the beauty of messes. They can be cleaned up so all your readers see is a lovely polished story.
 
So go on! Get messy! Let your characters frolic in the jungle. There is beauty in that chaos.
 
Oh, and those logs I never clean up? If I tripped over them, you can be damned sure my characters are going to as well!
 
Jen C. Flynn is a fanfiction writer whose work can be read on AO3 under the username JCF. She can also be found wandering around on Twitter and Tumblr.
How I Make a Mess
 
By J Baillier
 
If I believed I have to get a story just right on the first go, I'd never get anything written.
 
I usually write the first draft of the entire story fairly quickly without input from others, and then start chiseling away with the help of betas to get to the diamond in the middle of the rubble. It soothes my soul to know that I can do as many tweaking rounds as I need to make it just right.
 
I know authors who get stuck on every second phrase during their drafting, and it takes them a long time to get to the finish line, at which point their stories might well benefit from another round of editing to see if the overall structure matches their plan and if it works. While many experienced authors can plan so well and have such sturdy skills that they can write and publish a story a chapter at a time as they write them.
 
Me, I tend to advise beginners, in particular, to first plan and draft the whole thing before publishing a single word so that they can do the necessary fine-tuning and restructuring when they can see the big picture. It also helps avoid the ubiquitous, abandoned "Chapter 1/?" stories archives are quite full of.
 
Having an editor, a beta, or at least one friendly pair or eyes, can do a lot for writing confidence. A writer is always their own worst critic, and a second opinion may help find the good in what can look like a steaming pile of Bantha fodder to its perpetrator.
 
You can find J Baillier's stories on AO3 and you can also find J. over on Tumblr.
"You have to make a mess to make a book"
 
…says Jamie Ashbird, author of Improbable Press' A Question of Time. "If you don’t make a mess, there aren’t any words to tidy into a book."
 
Containing fifty jewel-sized stories of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson through the ages, A Question of Time is brought to life with fifty glorious drawings by Janet Anderton. Available as a paperback and ebook!
 


 
Don't want to make you all sad and stuff, but if you—yep, you!—never share Twitter thoughts, never write an article, never just drop a line, Atlin's got no newsletter to edit. This thing's freeeeee and a labour of love. If you love it, please be part of it and make Atlin keep editing this by…
 
Sharing stories of meetups, cons and conventions, for the next issue.
 
Telling us your favourite cons or conventions, tell us about a writing or fandom meetup that made a difference. Deadline 7 February 2020, 25-100 OR 250-600 words.
 
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