You might not know much about Kobe Bryant. You might regard news of his passing with mild interest. You might be chagrined, as some expressed on the internet, that such a fuss is being made over a basketball player worth a billion dollars whose personal life—at least in his 20’s—proved no one’s perfect. Whether you are grappling with the pain as many are, finding the story of minor note, or fed up with overwrought news coverage, I believe the global reaction to Kobe’s death reveals too-often ignored truths about our human nature.
Witnessing basketball legends Shaquille O’Neal and Jerry West breakdown as they reflect on Kobe’s legacy, watching Kobe talk about Gigi’s love of basketball, and reading online tributes from Obama, Trump, and thousands of others, I found myself angry with the truth of “the good die young.”
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Media coverage revealed another truth. Kobe wasn’t just famous because he played basketball. He was an international icon because of his work ethic and standards for excellence who influenced anyone who won championships with him or played against him, shared in his Oscar and Emmy wins acknowledging his creative genius, gained prosperity through his business acumen, interviewed him in his fluent Italian or Spanish, and helped publish his bestselling books.
Recounting the admirable qualities of this international superstar, I still have to ask: Why am I—why are we—so moved by his death? People we don’t know die every day. What’s different? Do we just think we know someone whose public life is so celebrated? Sure, awareness of Kobe’s life and seeing his wife Vanessa with their girls at games and events may have set the stage for our grief. But something more is in play.
Pay attention to people’s descriptions of how they are experiencing Kobe’s death and you will notice a curious consistency of one word: devastated. Yes, some people are sad or sorry. But the most common refrain is, “I’m devastated.”
Devastate means to lay waste; render desolate; to overwhelm. When we feel devastated, it’s because an essential element of our well-being has been destroyed. Consider this: We are not just mourning Kobe, but what Kobe represented to our well-being. He was an inspiring example of living with optimal motivation. He had the awareness and skill to create choice, connection, and competence in his life—the three foundational psychological needs required for thriving. When Kobe died, a potent symbol of thriving was gone and the import of our needs came glaringly into focus.
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Kobe created choice. Renowned for the choices he made, Kobe chose to become one of the three youngest players at age 19 to enter the NBA straight out of high school. He chose to end his career on a high note at age 37, scoring 60 points in his final game, despite injuries. He chose to arrange his schedule to pick up his kids from school every day; to invest in worthy causes and values-based businesses. We all need to create choice, the perception that we’re in control of our circumstances, that we have options and freedom within boundaries. Kobe did it.
Kobe created connection. More important than any of the basketball or business accolades, the tributes divulged what people will miss most: Kobe’s inspiration. They speak of his many kindnesses. His role model as a family man. His humility and humanity . His generosity of time and money, charities, and youth sports programs at his Mamba Sports Academy that focused on developing female athletes like his daughter Gigi and her friend, Alyssa, who also perished in the helicopter crash. We all need to create connection, a genuine feeling of belonging, aligning our aspirations to meaningful values and sense of purpose, and contributing to the greater good. Kobe did it.
Kobe created competence. That’s an understatement. He wasn’t the tallest, most powerful, or gifted athlete. But he worked harder than anyone else and made the most with what he had. Stories of his work ethic are legend. We all have an innate desire to develop our potential. We all need to create competence, to demonstrate skill over time, feel effective at dealing with everyday challenges, and to grow and learn each day. Kobe did it.
Kobe represented our deepest yearnings for our own lives. We yearn for the choices he made, the connections he cultivated, and the uncommon competence he developed.
His former coach, Phil Jackson, reflected that Kobe was “a chosen one.” I think that’s true. Kobe’s energy vibrated at a high level. And we were drawn to him like heat-seeking missiles. And then it’s gone. Or so we feel in the moment. Today, I’m choosing to embrace Vanessa’s words: "… Kobe and our baby girl, Gigi, are shining on us to light the way." Today, I’m more dedicated than ever to live in the light; to create choice, connection, and competence in my life; and share the skill of motivation for any who seek thriving in their own life.
With gratitude,
Susan
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