As rates of anxiety, stress, depression and suicide continue to rise among American teens, many parents, school districts, communities and others seek to find answers and ways to better support student wellness. 

At our January Student Advisory Board meeting, we asked students the question, “What do you wish that parents or other adults knew?”  While the answers were not surprising, giving voice to them is an important step in acknowledging the experiences of today’s students and finding ways to connect and support them in their increasingly complex world. 

• “I wish they understood the pressure we are under to succeed and the way that social media impacts our lives.” 
• “I wish that they knew that grades are not all that matters.” 
• “I wish that they could see the pressure of school that is put on us by our parents, friends, teachers, and ourselves.” 
• “I wish that they could see the pressure and stress associated with being a student athlete.” 
• “I wish that they knew that I’m just as sad and disappointed when I get bad grades.” 
• “I wish they knew how stressful school can be and how much pressure we face from it.” 
• “I wish parents understood how much academic stress their kids are under.  While many parents are very understanding, some put too much pressure on kids to succeed.” 
• “I wish they knew the pressure behind maintaining a steady social life along with doing well in school and what kids deal with and the stress that comes with playing sports.” 
• “I wish that parents knew the pressure we’re under and what is important to us and why (from our perspective).” 

How can we as parents, educators, caring adults, and a larger community address the messages about the drive for success and the pressure that our children and youth are feeling?  How can we better support their health and well-being to build greater resilience, adaptability, independence and happiness? 

Find your own definition of success – for yourself, for your family, for your children. 
What does success look like to you?  How does your definition of success align with your family values?  How do your children think you define success?  Challenge Success, created by best-selling authors Denise Pope and Madeline Levine, and educational consultant Jim Lobdell, strives to help parents, schools, students and communities to embrace a broader definition of success and is a great resource for research-based strategies that support student well-being and development. 

Adopt a growth mindset. 
Created by Stanford University psychologist, Dr. Carol Dweck, the growth mindset is a belief that our character, intelligence and abilities are not fixed but rather develop through exploration, determination, challenge, failure and perseverance.  Because the words and phrases we choose to use with our children and ourselves can have such a powerful impact, be sure to check out these helpful “Say This, Not That” suggestions for parents from Mindset Works.   You can learn more about the growth mindset and how to apply it in your family in our January 2019 Newsletter. 

Allow your children to make mistakes and experience failure. 
Remember the quote, “Failure is not the opposite of success.  It is part of success.”  In the New York Times article, Teach Your Kids to Fail, author Jessica Grose writes, “If we highlight our missteps more and explain how we persevered, our children can learn to do the same.”  As we model a focus on effort and hard work, praise persistence and problem-solving, and value failure as part of the learning process, we communicate to our children that it is the development of competencies, behaviors, resiliency and character that we truly value. 

Make PDF (Playtime, Downtime, and Family Time) a priority in the life of your family. 
PDF helps to build connections, reduces stress, and supports both mental and physical health. 

Limit screen time and prioritize sleep. 

Model and teach healthy ways to manage stress.  
Learn more about stress management and tips from BStrong Together here.  

Encourage connection. 
As you support your child in developing a strong connection with you and within your family, it is also important for them to have strong connections with others.  Help your child to identify other trusted adults in their lives that they can turn to in moments of need. 

Wishing you a happy February filled with connection, PDF, and a focus on the things that really matter to you and your family.