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Welcome to HEN - Transforming Conflict for our Health, Environment, Negotiation

HEN is published each month by Julia Menard:
Helping the Workplace Engage - One Tough Conversation at a Time!  juliamenard.com

HEN arrives at the full moon - 
because light transforms darkness.   

Full Moon: February 9, 2020 - Year 18, Issue 2
 
Table of Contents:


Eighte years ago, I started this newsletter. It was always a way for me to connect with you, dear reader. There's always been a symbiotic relationship between reader and writer.  One needs the other. Without you, I talk to myself.  Don't get me wrong - I love to journal, meditate, reflect.  And, I also love to help others, inspire, contribute. This Quaker prayer has stayed with me since I heard it first decades ago:


“I shall pass this way but once; any good that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being; let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”  ... Stephen Grellet

I want to uphold the best in you, I want to leave you with the "scent of rose" on your hand. 

To that end, this issue offers the biggest gifts I can offer you to date.  The first article harkens back to a book I co-wrote in 2016 with beloved co-author, Judy Zehr and its formative lessons. The second article announces the link for the TEDx talk I did last year. It's a personal message and yet one I also feel passionate about and hope it sparks something in you as well.  The last article intends to draw you into my podcast world as I've started a podcast last season with my esteemed colleague, Gordon White. 

Through all of these creative projects, my intention is to offer you something that can last, a legacy of sorts.  My thoughts turn more and more to that task as the moons wax and wane on. 

Let me know what you like about HEN and what you want more of or less of.  I want my writing and your reading to be a dynamic relationship.

With love,
Julia

1. HEALTH - Stay Calm to Make Peace


 

Click here to read this on my blog and leave a comment!
 
A few years ago, I had the honour of going on a multi-year studying and writing journey with award-winning writer and mental health expert, Judy Zehr. Our countless conversations resulted in a book we co-authored entitled Hold On To Yourself – How to Stay Cool in Hot Conversations.
 
I learned so much from Judy and from this creative project. One thing I learned about how to stay cool in hot conversations was that what tool you use to help yourself calm down depends on what brain state you are in.  And, being able to determine what brain state you are in, needs you to be aware enough to notice which state you are in.
 
So, to be able to stay cool, one needs to practice some type of mindfulness, some way to strengthen the capacity to monitor our bodily states, even just to know we are becoming upset. 
 
Here’s what I mean:
 
Think back to a time when you were in the grips of some strong emotion such as sadness, anger or fear.  Where did you feel it?

In my conflict classes, I ask this question to people and they are able to point to different parts of their body to articulate where they feel each of these feelings.
 
What about you?  Where do you feel your anger?  What happens to your body when you are frustrated or annoyed or in full-blown anger?  What parts of your body feel activated? 

You can go through the same exercise with sadness and fear.  You may notice they are felt in different regions of the body.
 
For most of us, we are travelling around our day without much awareness of what is going on inside our bodies, so how could we catch ourselves to be able to self-manage?  Add to this that some of our upsets are amygdala hijacks.  These are times when we feel so threatened and afraid, that our amygdala automatically activates our bodies for either fight, flight, freezing or submitting.  Amygdala hijacks happen so quickly, we cannot even notice them first with the thinking part of our brain.  They just happen.
 
You know what I mean. These automatic stress responses happen outside of our control and can happen to all of us from time to time.
 
So what are we to do?

One lesson I took from my work with Judy was to cultivate more strength in my own capacity to be calm.  In this way, mindfulness practices, breath practices and meditation practices all relate directly to peace-making.  Calmer people make for a happier world.
 
If you are interested in what Judy and I found out together in our book, check it out here.
 
And if you have read our book or when you do, Judy and I would LOVE to get to 25 reviews on Amazon. Apparently something magical happens to books when they pass the 25 review mark!   We are sooooo close - so would appreciate your help in getting there (especially if you’d rate us 5 stars!).  I also have a PDF version (with a watermark) if you’d prefer (just ask).
 
Thank you!

 

Click here to read this on my blog and leave a comment!


2. ENVIRONMENT - Mediate While the World Burns



Click here to read this on my blog and leave a comment!
 

About 8 months ago, Tammy Chambers, an employee at the Justice Institute of BC, asked me if  I wanted to participate in their TEDx talk.  I am a long-time instructor at the JIBC at their Centre for Conflict Resolution and Centre for Leadership.  It was an honour to be asked.  I then had to apply.  The next hurdle was to be vetted by the others in charge, Jennifer Jasper and Kent Highnam.
 
As I reflect on that experience, I am amazed how many people are so instrumental to anyone’s capacity to create in the world.  Those Justice Institute employees, as well as countless of my friends and colleagues, contributed to making the TEDx experience a highlight of my year.  One memorable moment was sharing the evening and morning with my colleague and friend, Cathryn Lecorre, who was studying to be a Kundalini Yoga Teacher at the time.  She blessed me with my own personal kundalini yoga class on the morning of the TEDx talk!  Can you tell from my presence on stage?
 
Reflecting on all the big and little ways people contribute to our lives is such a humbling experience.  I feel such gratitude as I reflect on this project.  My most heart-felt thanks go to my mother, who died last January 16, 2019.  She was present throughout the project and especially as this TEDx talk was released on January 16, 2020 – exactly one year since she had died.
 
I hope you feel the love that went into bringing this project to life as much as I can. You can view the TEDx talk by clicking here.


Click here to read this on my blog and leave a comment!


3. NEGOTIATION - Taming Conflict and Leaders


Click here to read this on my blog and leave a comment!
 

Last year, I started a podcast with Gordon White, a colleague with whom I've done a lot of work with already so we had a shared history to build on.  In our first season, we interviewed people we thought had a lot to offer in terms of the conflict conversation. It was a very stimulating season with us visiting many interesting people to create a deeper understanding of our field.

A key lesson learned after the end of the first season is that we could serve our listeners well if we chose leadership as a theme for our second season.
 
So, that’s what we did!  Gordon and I explain a bit about why we chose this theme here in our first podcast episode of season two.  We also decided to create a 7 part framework for what we think leaders ought to know about conflict and leadership.
 
If you’d like to hear the episode, check it out on our website here (or on any podcatcher).


CONTACT:


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Julia Menard, MEd, Cert. Con. Res., P.C.C.
Leadership & Conflict Coaching, Mediating, & Training

250-381-7522
juliamenard.com


MEDIATOR IN A BOX - WANT TO INCREASE YOUR GROUP'S CONFLICT SMARTS?

Are you part of a group or team? Have you ever wished you could equip your community with more concrete tools to deal with the myriad of conflicts that come every leader's way?  Mediator in a Box offers such a practical, hands-on tool.  In a  short (2 to 3 hour) workshop, your team can learn a 7 step system to use as a tool to move yourself through a conflict as a preparation tool, or as a coaching tool to help others, as a negotiating tool to help you and another person move through a conflict, and/or as a facilitator tool to help you help a pair move through their conflict.  Mediator in a Box is a fun, fast-paced and informative way to wrap your collective heads around interest-based negotiation, mediation and conflict coaching!
 
If you want to bring the gift of Mediator in a Box to your team, drop me an email and let's chat!
 

HOLD ON TO YOURSELF
A few years ago, I really wanted to get a handle on those pesky things we call "emotons."  They seemed to be the things that made conflict transform into a gift or descend into a curse.  I was delighted to meet Judy Zehr, a counsellor and Master Trainer with Emotional Brain Training.  I wanted to share the wisdom I was learning from Judy wtih the world, so was delighted when she agreed to co-author a book with me about how her area and mine intersect.  What resulted is this gem: Hold On To Yourself - How To Stay Cool in Hot Conversations. In the book, we introduce emerging scientific insights into the emotional and spiritual challenges of conflict Click here if you want to learn how to stay cool in hot conversations!

 
FACE THAT TOUGH CONVERSATION

Are you avoiding any conversations you know you should have?

3 ways to take action now:

1. GET SUPPORT!

Coaches are trained to listen to your situation, help you get clear on the action required, and hold you accountable to get your plan moving! Get started with your coaching here.


2. GET TRAINING!

I have two trainings that I am most passionate about sharing  - and either of them can be done as a half-day or full day.  I mostly am brought into organizations these days, so if you think your group or team would benefit, let me know.  My two favs are:

1) Tough Conversations  - How to prepare for them and how to do them.

2) Mediator in a Box - Described earlier! :)

3. SELF STUDY!

Making Tough Conversations Great comes in 10 easy to read modules where you learn the Tough Conversations systems with actionable, practical steps. Click here to find out more.

4. TELL ME PLEASE!

I always want to hear from you about what you think would support you to bring more peace in your part of the world.  Tell me please - I love to hear from you!
 
“We all are so deeply interconnected; we have no option but to love all. Be kind and do good for any one and that will be reflected. The ripples of the kind heart are the highest blessings of the Universe.”  … Amit Ray Yoga and Vipassana: An Integrated Lifestyle






























 
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