“You were making some weird noises last night when you were sleeping,” I said to my husband as I made the bed. He was shaving in the bathroom and stuck his head out to protest.

“Two weeks ago you said I was talking in my sleep and now I’m making weird noises?” he replied. “So what now? Was I snoring?”

“No, it wasn’t snoring.”

“Was it a nose whistle?” he asked. It occurred to me that this was something one can only ask a spouse after thirty years of marriage.

“No, it was somewhere between a snore and a whistle,” I said.

“So, it was a snistle,” he said confidently.

“Not really,” I said. “It was more assertive than that.”

“So, it was more like a snort,” he said.

“It was like a snort, but it was more prolonged.”

“How is that different than snoring,” he asked.

“I don’t know, but it was and it kept me up,” I complained.

Apparently, my husband decided that this piece of information was not worth any more of his time and he went back to shaving. But I was bothered. It was less about the fact that he kept me up the night before and more to do with my inability to accurately describe the sound coming out of his nose.  It was less noisy than a jackhammer but more resonant than a drone. It was almost like he was snoring and laughing at the same time, which I suppose would make it a sniggle, but even that wasn’t quite right.

It was possible that there was an actual medical term for this so I decided to look it up on the Internet. But when I checked WebMD, I found out that the medical term for snoring is snoring and the symptoms are… snoring. This is kind of like when you look up the ingredients on a carton of milk and it says, “contains milk.” The website also said if you have persistent snoring, you should consult a doctor. But I wondered if the same were true if you experienced snistling, snorting, or sniggling when you slept.

The next night my husband was quiet while he slept. The good news was I was able to get a decent night’s sleep. The bad news was it was impossible for me to do further research into this whole snoozy issue.

As we lay in bed the following evening reading, we heard a loud, buzzsaw-like sound from the floor below.

“What is that sound?” I asked.  My husband leaned forward and bent his head over the foot of the bed.

“It’s the dog. He’s snoring.”

I looked at the dog laying prone on the carpet and listened for a moment. 

“I don’t think that’s snoring,” I said. “It sounds more like a series of woofs.”

“So, you think he’s snoofing?” said my husband.

I don’t know if he’s snoring or snoofing or snistling or snorting. But I do know one thing.

“What’s that?” said my husband.

I got up and shooed the dog out the door.

"He’s sleeping in another room."


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