A DAILY RHYTHM REFLECTION
(March 2nd)
Hi Friends,
We are now at the beginning of one of my favorite church seasons, Lent. My relationship with Lent has evolved over the years, and if you have been reading these reflections for very long, you know that I thrive in finding connection with broader traditions and cherish structure, so Lenten practices are right up my ally. Sometimes people “add on” and sometimes people “give up”.
This year I’m adding on in a few ways… I was gifted Justin McRoberts and Scott Erickson’s Prayer: Fourty Days of Practice book and am now using it to help center my prayer each morning. I am also attempting to follow along with “The 40” family pamphlet that CoM Kids provided and am choosing to purposefully read the news daily because I have felt like my focus is too insular. I wonder what practices you are engaging in or practicing as the “add on”?
I have struggled with the “giving up” aspect of Lent though. As someone who has a history with disordered eating, giving up something food related hasn’t seemed like most healthy choice as it triggers unhealthy parts of me. However, being more than 15 years away from my darkest days, I am starting to consider how exploring fasting for spiritual purposes might actually be a place where God could meet me with even deeper freedom. Have you considered giving something up? Can you be honest about the motivations for what you choose? Maybe in the process of fasting we will find healing that we didn’t even know we needed?
I think I was a bit over ambitious though, which led to multiple failures on day 1. Here is how Ash Wednesday went… O
7AM: Praying Day 1 of the book above, getting super excited about Lent and all of the things that are about to happen, making a list of what is going to help my family connect with God and one another over the next 40 days, reviewing “The 40” handout from CoM.
8AM: Waking my 6 year old daughter (who had gone to bed at 11pm the night before) with a zealous excitement for giving up whining, fussing and yelling as a family. She immediately started whining about giving up whining! *Note to self- not everyone in my family has been looking forward to Lent like I have. Waking someone up by telling them they have to change their behavior might not be the best way to start a day!
9AM: Considering giving up chewing gum (I probably chew a pack of gum every day, especially when I’m stressed). My daughter continued to whine and fuss all morning- we were going to be late for school, I went to the gum drawer, stuffed a piece in my mouth and took a deep breath to relish in the minty goodness.
10AM: At work- read the news. I remember why I avoid this, too many disasters and hardships. But, my prayer from the morning was, “May love be stronger in me than the fear of the pain that comes with caring.” So- I will choose to care and not be afraid, with help from Jesus.
1:30PM: Trying to give up dry cereal (my snack of choice). But, I spent a good majority of my day obsessing about what other snacks might fill that space and couldn’t come up with something, so I ate an extra helping of chocolate cheerios as soon as I got home.
6PM: Considering giving up wine, but after peeling my kids away from the playground and giving an hours’ worth of instruction to my mother in law who is keeping our kids while we are out of town. I quickly poured the remaining contents of Chardonnay into my glass to savor while making dinner.
7:30PM: Committing to not yelling at my kids. I’m not quite sure what my 3 year old son did- something about not listening at bed time and I yelled, a lot. Then I caught myself, took a deep breath and prayed for help. I vocalized my failure to both of the kids and asked for forgiveness.
The result of Ash Wednesday, a much deeper realization of my need for Jesus.
As humbling as this is, I think it revealed to me how much I wanted to prove that I can be “good” at Lent. In true Enneagram 3 fashion, I want to feel like I am accomplishing something, maybe even better than you? But, instead I am learning more about my need for Jesus than my own spiritual strength. Lent is not about my ability to do it well, but rather about recognizing my inability to do much without God’s grace. So, I’ll admit it, I need God’s help. I’m not sure what the rest of Lent will bring, but I plan to share it with you. Thanks for reading.
How is your Lent going?
Traci
If you would like to learn more about our “Shared Rhythm” you can read about it online or pick up a set of our “Daily Rhythm Cards” at Church on Morgan.
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