This is the 4th best thing a leader can say. Think of it as your own personal pause button.
When you need to pause after hearing bad news, for instance, try “tell me more.” Or "say more about that." It’s a great way to calm your emotional reactivity, and increase your approachability, during any crisis. Especially now.
Them: "I'm not gonna get that report done in time."
You: "Oh yeah? Tell me more about what's going on."
Them: "Dad, this situation sucks, and I'm tired of being stuck with all of you!"
You: "Hmmm...tell me more. What's the hardest part?"
Now, are these responses exactly how you feel in the moment? Usually not. What you feel is probably more like: "Whaddya mean you're not gonna get the report done on time? What the heck have you been doing? Or..."Oh, you don't like being with us? The feeling's mutual, kid!"
But “tell me more” does two things:
It gives your brain a chance to rise above those feelings, so you can respond rather than react.
It lets down your defensive guard, making you more approachable. And this increases the chance the other person will carefully consider their actions & words.
Try it today:
Your kid is upset, or in trouble? “Tell me more, son.”
Your boss is displeased with your performance? “Could you tell me more about what I could do differently?”
Your spouse is accusing you of something, especially if you think he’s wrong? “Please tell me more—I really want to understand what you mean.”
aPProachability begins with a pause,
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