The sun is shining bright on Wellington, as I am writing you from a dark corner of the house, and listening to the sound of rain with my earplugs in, absolutely insulated from the world outside. I am quite proud of myself.

Self-isolating in the midst of self-isolation has become a new art - is it the same for you?

My happy place has now become that little corner which I call “my office” even though - well, to the uneducated eye, this place is possibly a closet.

——

Look. I had been living, alone, in a giant house for about a year and a half. For those of you who have missed the previous episodes, my plan was not to live alone and have three different toilets to chose from depending on my mood - it’s just that life appeared to have different plans for me than the white picket fence* nonsense I had dutifully tried to set up.

Picture me, single for the first time in my life, in my big happy house with my smiling dog, getting slowly used to the fact that I could do whatever the fuck I want. I had space, I had time, I had the wonderful silence. I could spend a full day without seeing someone. Boy, I could even spend THREE days without seeing someone. A WEEK? Oh, joy.

Don’t think I didn’t see the bliss in which I was luxuriating : It took only a few weeks for me to realize. OH OKAY. This? It’s the right way to live.

I made fantastic friends, I spent great time with family, and then there was dating which pretty much sucked overall - but my soul was never in need of romance. Mostly imagined, and then blown up out of proportion with the help of aforementioned friends, okay okay.

I was still picturing finding love one day.

But it would take something special to pull me out of this fluffy domestic heaven, I thought.

——-

I swear, I am going somewhere with this. Hold tight.

——-

Ok so back to Wellington, the sun is still shining and I am now listening to “forest thunderstorm” on loud because rain sounds are the only things that cut me from the world without distracting me from my writing. I’m still in the closet "my office”.

We are four people isolating together. One is doing a work out. One is taking a piano lesson, while another one is playing Dungeons and Dragons quite loudly because said person hasn’t yet learned that when you have earphones on, you shout, and you can’t hear that you’re shouting, and that people are shouting at you to stop shouting.

I truly love everyone. I do.

BUT guys, I can’t be lovin’ on other people twenty four seven. Sorry. Maybe the luxuriating and the smiling doggy** went too long and I learned to feel so centered that I became like these old ladies that lose it if someone moves their coffee cup half a centimeter from where they’ve decided it’s supposed to be.

Also, what’s up with people. 

Why do they want to eat foods that I’ve been trying to socially distance from all my life?

Why do they have to take their shower exactly when it’s time I take mine?

Why do they feel like an acceptable lunch time is 12.45 and not 1PM like normal people?

WHY DID THAT PERSON JUST WALK PAST ME?

See, before this pandemic, we all thought we lived together.

And now, we know we didn’t.

We had our work, our schools, our friends, our pottery lessons, and our endless streams of TV shows. We could be under the same roof with someone and actually have no idea what was going on in their life. We had this choreography called daily life to protect us from really meeting others, if we wanted.

Which is why often, vacations can turn into meltdowns. 

Talking from experience.

I had always believed that vacations were an interesting place to test a relationship. Without all the social constructs we call normal life, suddenly people are revealed. Like that ex whose idea of an ideal vacation was spending eight hours at the pool a day (kill me right here) or this other one who could only feel satisfied if he was jumping from bridges attached to some dubious rope (“I wanna feel I’m alive, baby!”)(kill me right here)(but this time literally).

I have had many a vacation disaster in my previous relationships. So much so that towards the end of one of them I heard myself saying : “Hey what about taking our vacations separately from now on?” (sure, and how about we break up right here?) 

So there was my theory about vacations...

And then came the MEGA VACATION FROM HELL, aka Coronavirus.

So now, I can say with confidence, this is probably the first time I'm actually living with someone. And it’s probably the same for you. This, this is the ultimate challenge. If you haven’t felt it yet, then take it as such. 

Because if you make through without defaulting to hypnotizing yourself with Netflix, if you still have normal adult people conversations and still find them rather charming after week four and close to zero grooming, then you guys are real.

I’ll be the first to raise my hand. If you ever thought, wow I really, really love Garance, she’s just freaking awesome this girl, I mean come on so funny, kind, and - well okay she swears a lot but - she’s SO CHIC, yeah, that French je ne say whatever, you know… 

Then I challenge you to live with me.

Give me a week and you’ll wanna slap me. 

But be reassured. I’ll probably want to slap you as well.

Then add to that the SOTCS - Stress Of The Current Situation, then add to that the carb level (yeah, I am not talking about weight gain here)(remember we agreed to give up on that front on week three) I am talking of cortisol levels, aka stress, aka anger, aka we’re all just like children after all, we shout and we stomp and we cry when we eat too much of it.

Then add the fact that we’re stuck for what is starting to seem like forever.

With the same people. 

[Let’s not even talk about the DLOCC - Different Levels Of Corona Concerns - anybody had a tense conversation with a friend that seemed “way too stressed about that shit!” or “way too relaxed about that shit!”…?][Yeah?][Now imagine is that friend is your partner][MURDER!!!][DECEPTION!!!][HERCULE POIROT!]

——

All right, we’re getting to my point.

——-

I was happy alone, yadi, yada.

But the second I felt that this could potentially last forever is also the second I asked myself, well, who would I want this potentially forever to be with? Yeah - fuck being alone. No way. My emotional survival instinct came kicking in real hard.

Because in times of crisis I guess I need to feel love around me. Apparently it’s human. [Which is also why I am writing to you so often even though I could be making a lemon pie right now to raise the general sugar level a notch higher][Because I don’t want you to feel alone].

Thought about going to be with my family, thought about going to live with my friends. 

Decided I would want to murder them they would want to murder me after four days. 

Took a chance on love and jumped on a plane.

And so - okay, so things went well for me and now I am writing you from a closet here, feeling loved and surrounded and hopefully loving and supporting the ones around me.

Doesn’t mean I don’t get irritated.

Doesn’t mean I didn’t go through a mini-meltdown last week and thought okay if I leave now I could swim back to LA in about 17 months, could be worth a try, could potentially jump on the back of a friendly dolphin, wait, do dolphins catch Covid, is there a dolphin-approved mask, would I be responsible for dolphin pandem… Yeah, no. 

Doesn’t mean that I am not getting challenged.

And so, to celebrate that, here is my influencer second for you, ADVICE!

When I saw that I was becoming a bitch getting irritated for no reason, I had to make a few arrangements. 

1/ Lower sugar consumption. Still working on this. 

2/ Say it. “I don’t feel great today”.

3/ Create a private space that’s just mine. Talking about you, “my office”.

4/ Rain sounds. Loud!!! Ahaha!

5/ Exercise. And go for a walk alone with good music in my ears. Even just 10 minutes. Breathe.

6/ Structure the hell out of my day.

I feel better actually. I really do!!!

And it helps me realize that it’s actually quite lucky, co-quarantining. 

You get to know people better in a few weeks than you would have in years. 

——-

Epilogue (???)(idk)

The other day I made a sneaky remark about some cleaning routine I didn’t agree with (a big classic, right now, right?) and it got welcomed with an even sneakier response, to which I was preparing the Fucking Sneakiest Come Back Of All Time - but then I just let go.

Felt like crap for an hour (my grudges are strong but short lived) and then it felt good to know that I was able to just shut up and tame that giant ego of mine for a second.

The woo woo side of me even came up with one of these selfish spiritual bypasses that us woke people (ahahahah oops and there it is again!) who have a direct line to the Universe love : If was able to be more patient with people, it also meant I was able to be more patient with myself.

Self-congratulation ensued.

But then I looked up and said no, Universe, no. This time it’s not about me.

It’s about being kinder, more patient, more present.

It’s about loving better.

——-

Epilogue of the epilogue (???)(wtf now)

Remember that thing I said earlier about not giving up my single life for anything else other than something real? I know that was pretentious.

But the idea was not just to be loved but also to challenge myself to love truly.

Two people really opening up to each other. That’s what I wanted. Not someone perfect. Someone real, something raw, something true. 

I was like, bring it on, Universe. I know you're listening. This time I promise, I can take it.

Guys, I am so really sorry this pandemic was the answer from the Universe to my prayers. 2020 : It’s all my fault.

—————-

All right that’s it for today! Time to go drink. If it's Easter in your home, happy Easter!

Sending you the best vibes in the world. Take care my loves. 

Be patient, be kind, learn to love better, and whenever you feel yourself turning into a domestic monster get irritated, go breathe in your corner.

——

* [for my French readers] The white picket fence is an American saying that expresses this  image of the perfect house and ideal life as we see it in advertising, magazines, rom coms - you get it. I tried! ;)

** Lulu is great, she is with Zoe (thank you Zoe!) and 3 doggy friends and playing all day, getting love and attention. I suspect she is happier than she is when she’s with me. 

To finish, LINKS, because this quarantine gets me so busy I still haven't figured out a simpler way to do this. I will at some point, maybe.

This is to subscribe.

This is to read the first newsletter.

This is to read the second newsletter.

This is my Instagram.

This is my website, Doré.

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Also, I support and participated in these efforts to help the health workers. 

Amass in the USA.

#protegetonsoignant en France.

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All right now- be well, love you!

xoxo

G