New books!
After five long years, two of my most popular books—300 Minutes of Danger and Bullet Train Disaster—are finally available in North America! 300 is a collection of short stories, Bullet Train is a choose-your-own-path thriller. It's either great timing (because everyone is stuck inside reading) or terrible timing (because the world is ending). Either way, I'm chuffed with the reviews:
"The phrase “action-packed” would be a flabby understatement."
—The Wall Street Journal
"Will have readers on the edges of their seats... breathlessly paced and engaging."
—Kirkus reviews
"Readers will cheer on these quick-thinking, young heroes. A great choice for reluctant readers."
—School Library Journal
If you're in Canada or the USA, please buy a copy! Your local independent bookstore probably takes phone orders and could certainly use your support right now—but if they've closed their doors, you can also buy online.
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And if you're not in Canada or the USA, perhaps you could do me a favour and post something about the books on social media? Even just mentioning that they're out could be helpful. (You don't even have to pretend you've read them.) If you tag @jackheathwriter I'll share, comment, etc. Give you a bit of a social media, for what that's worth.
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Ahem. I got an award!
In other news, I just had the humbling experience of winning the Ena Noël Award for my novel, 500 Minutes of Danger. I used my acceptance speech to beg parents to read to their kids. You can read it here.
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Speaking of reading to kids...
I've been reading whole books aloud on Instagram and Youtube. If you have kids who are stuck indoors, here's a story from 300 Minutes of Danger, suitable for age 10+.
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Subscribe to @jackheathwriter if you like it! (Actually, I'd appreciate you subscribing even if you don't like it. I can't do live videos on Youtube until I have 1,000 subscribers.)
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And speaking of videos...
A few years ago I made 40 bite-sized educational videos for Writing Australia. I'm in the process of re-released them under a Creative Commons license so they can be used by teachers, or by anyone who feels like becoming a better writer while they're in lockdown. Here's the first one!
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Each video features a quick exercise—I encourage you to post your efforts in the comments section, and to provide feedback to those who have already done so.
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April Fools!
Every year I announce a "new book" on April Fools' Day. I was particularly proud of my efforts this year, which you can read here. But does it top last year's effort? You decide!
Deleted scene
Right now I'm working on—well, this newsletter. But I should be working on the copy edit for Stunt Kid, an illustrated comedy for kids aged 9+. Part of the publisher's feedback boiled down to "Get rid of Madame Mimi and the talking animals." The following scene therefore has to be deleted, but I think it's pretty funny, so I thought I'd share it with y'all.
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Levi had wanted Dad to set up the spike pit in a small dead-end alley, away from any traffic. Actually, Levi hadn’t wanted him to set up the spike pit at all. He would have much preferred that Dad make movies about something safe, like armchairs, or house flies.
But Dad had dug the spike pit right in the middle of Coppins Crossing main street. He had covered it up with planks of wood, spray painted as black as a pirate’s teeth. Even at this time of night, cars occasionally drove along the street and thumped over the planks. It looked like only a matter of time before the wood snapped, impaling some unlucky driver. Detective Fu would get very excited about that.
Levi stepped aside just in time to avoid getting run over by Madame Mimi, who was riding past on a Segway.
Madame Mimi looked a bit like an emu, with her pointy nose and wide, intense eyes. A palace’s worth of jewellery was draped around her long neck. She wore a loose pink dress, which Levi knew from Fashion: A Pedant’s Guide was called a mumu. A guinea pig in a tiny tiara peered out of her handbag, giving Levi a suspicious look.
Unlike Grouchy John, it wasn’t a mystery where Madame Mimi got her money. Her hundred-year old mother owned a baseball diamond mine. She sold baseball diamonds to stadiums all over the world.
‘I say, how do you get to the two million dollar shop?’ Madame Mimi asked.
'Don’t you go there every day?’ Levi asked.
Mimi frowned, tapping the controls of her Segway. ‘That’s odd,’ she said. ‘My GPS doesn’t usually ask me questions.’
‘I’m not your GPS,’ Levi said. ‘I’m a person.’
Madame Mimi peered down at him. ‘Good gracious! A commoner. I don’t suppose you know the way to the two million dollar shop? You might have washed its windows for tuppence, perhaps?’
‘What do you need to buy?’
‘Well, I was clothes shopping for my mother on the internet—do you know what that is?’
‘I know what the internet is,’ Levi confirmed.
‘Anyway, my modem—that’s what we rich people use to access the internet—stopped working.’
‘Your modem, Madame Mimi?’ Levi said.
‘Precisely. I need a more modern one. Ideally smaller, too.’
‘I’m not sure that shop sells mini modern modems, Madame Mimi.’
‘I hope they do. I need to order more magenta mumus for me and my mama,’ Madame Mimi murmured.
This was all getting quite hard to say, so Levi just pointed across the street. ‘The shop is right there. But I wouldn’t cross those planks if I were you.’
‘Thank you, tiny man,’ Mimi said, and zoomed across the street, completely ignoring Levi’s warning. He held his breath as her Segway bumped across the planks, but they didn’t break.
Phew. Levi waited for a break in the traffic, and then hurried onto the road and lifted up the planks.
The spikes were hideous. Dad had gone way overboard. There were hundreds of them—twisted, rusty things, all as sharp as knives. Spiders had woven webs between the spikes at the bottom.
One of the spiders looked up and saw Levi. ‘Argh! Eight kids!’
‘There’s only one kid,’ another spider said. ‘Use one eye at a time, Kevin.’
The first spider closed seven of its eyes. ‘Oh yeah. Get lost, singular kid! This is our hole! We found it! Don’t come down here, or we'll bite ya!’
‘I have no interest in coming down there,’ Levi said. Shuddering, he got out his fishing net and stretched it across the hole. It was big enough. Hopefully it was strong enough, too. But Levi was still worried that Dad would notice it and want to take it out. ‘Joe Dangerfield wouldn’t have used a safety net,’ he would say.
Levi started nailing down the net at the edges of the hole. He had bought the Slamdiggler 3000, which was the best affordable hammer in the world according to McWhacken’s Encyclopedia of Hammers. He had also bought a bunch of diamond-tipped nails, which had been recommended by Sparkly Nails, No, Not The Kind That Go On Your Fingers, Stop Asking. But even with this excellent equipment, it was hard going.
‘Will you keep it down?’ one of the spiders shouted.
‘We're trying to sleep!’ complained the other.
'Spiders don’t have ears,’ Levi grumbled as he worked.
The two spiders looked at each other. ‘We don’t?’ one said.
‘And you're also nocturnal,’ Levi said. ‘You don’t sleep at night.’
‘All right, all right,’ the other spider said. ‘No-one likes a smarty-pants.’
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One more thing
I've tried to avoid posting anything about the pandemic, because I figure people come to me when they need a break (rather than when they need information). But I just want to thank all the people working so hard to keep society from falling apart right now, especially people in medical professions. As someone who's been sick, I've always been grateful to doctors, nurses and other hospital staff—but right now they've been elevated to superhero status in my mind.
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OK, that's all from me. As always, this was supposed to be a quick email. Please share it if you liked it, and follow me on your social media of choice. Links below.
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