Choose Happiness

“Happiness” is defined as “the state of being happy”. Although this definition is incredibly simple, make no mistake, simple does not mean easy. Cultivating a life of happiness is an active practice that needs to be renewed every single day for everyone.

In Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project she writes, “It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted.”

People often believe that since "happy" people always seem to make happiness seem effortless, it must come easier to them as if they were born with it.

While it may seem effortless, even the cheeriest of people are working hard and are actively choosing to be happy. There are hundreds of unconscious
decisions that we make every single day that are either contributing to our happiness or standing in the way.

You may have heard the phrase “fake it until you make it” and I believe it applies to being happy. Sometimes you need to “act the way you want to feel” (Gretchen Rubin). There is no magical happiness monkey dropping off bags of “happy” at anyone’s door. Anything that you want in life always starts with
you and your mindset. If you want to be miserable, you surely will be. If you want to throw a pity party for yourself, you will. If you want to be happier, you can be and some simple self-reflection can be a great place to start.

What are 3-4 small things/actions that make you happy?

At a time in my life when a 12-year relationship and a 5-year marriage was coming to an end, I was forced to think about what things actually made me happy. It was a challenging but very rewarding exercise.

I want you to list 3-4 things that make you happy that have nothing to do with other people (or animals).

When hard times come (and they certainly will) we can always go back to these simple things to find joy. One small dose of happiness will lead to two, will lead to three until we can see the light once again. These things should be simple and do-able at almost any time or place in your life. My list still looks something like this: bubble baths, walking outside (especially when the seasons are changing), exercising, and watching sappy/romantic comedies.

What actions make you feel angry, guilty, or give you negative feelings toward yourself?

We all make hundreds of decisions every day. Some of them contribute to our feelings of happiness while others do the opposite. You make the choice of how to react to daily events. It may be in the smallest of ways like deciding not to get frustrated in traffic or deciding not to overreact because something spilled on the carpet. Pay very close attention to your reactions and the things you do that bring you negative feelings.

Are the people you surround yourself with making you happy?

Happiness is contagious but so is negativity. Surround yourself only with people that support your choice to grow and be happy.

There will be days where the smiles and laughter come easy, but it’s on the difficult days that we can truly reap the rewards of our work on our inner-happiness. Knowing what may bring us a smile, what we avoid with good reason, and who to surround ourselves with loads our toolkit to be able to take on any unknown circumstance or event. It prepares us to pick ourselves up more easily when we get knocked down.

The people that are most self-aware and take extreme ownership for their happiness are the same individuals that can weather storms without skipping a beat.

There is no finish line where happiness no longer takes effort. It will always be easier to wine, complain, make excuses, take self-pity, and sink down to levels that we’re not proud of. It is much harder to self-evaluate and take ownership of our happiness. Small steps become small habits and small habits become lasting change.

Choose happiness for yourself, always.