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Who we tell ourselves we are
I’ve never been a runner. Those of you who have been with this newsletter for a bit know my preference for lifting heavy weights and punching things when it comes to fitness. A yoga session or spin class finds its way in every once in a while. But running? I’ll do anything to avoid it.
Recently, my partner and I started running as a way to get out of the house and get some exercise that didn’t involve two grown-ass humans flailing about on yoga mats in a haphazardly rearranged living room.
The first day we ran I was so mad the entire time. We had a destination in mind, but all I was thinking about was how long I would last and how much I hated it and how much my stupid butt bounces when I run and how scared I was that my knee would give out. I wasn’t a runner...what did I think I was doing?
My resistance to running has a lot to do with the images I associate with the word. Long, lean, short shorted, and flat chested, runners don’t have any body parts getting in the way of their speed and grace. I, on the other hand, will be over here in my corner of the gym making very slow movements with heavy objects so as not to draw too much attention to myself.
The last month of social distancing has shifted my self awareness, changed my perspective on community and safety, and challenged a lot of my previously held ideas of who I am. There are things I’ve gotten less stringent about - mostly sleep and food related, new routines - mostly wine related, and new expectations of how I spend the day.
Running has become a new habit I can rely on to kick my ass. I haven't yet reached the much celebrated runner's high or the intense clarity of thought that people swear come with the mere act of running - but I do find myself hating it a little less with every mile I log.
In a time where things feel stagnant and the delight of discovery is limited to who is on Houseparty, it can feel challenging (even unnecessary) to grow. For me, moving my body in a new way that is rewarding, and frankly, pretty scary, is growth. And this week, that feels like more than enough.
Q: Have you discovered new things about yourself during this time?
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