LEADERSHIP IS ABOUT COACHING. HERE'S HOW TO DO IT WELL.
By Michael Bungay Stanier, Founder and CEO, Box of Crayons
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You can start with one simple behavior change that will bring a massive impact.
If you’re a leader or manager, you likely wear a lot of hats. You’re a project manager, delegator, spokesperson and, most importantly, a coach. But the problem is that no one has ever told you how to be an effective coach, or even what that means. Are you supposed to act like a sports coach? A therapist? Perform some bizarre (and arcane) HR ritual?
The answer is none of the above. In fact, it’s about making one tiny change to your behavior, one that will bring a significant impact. Being a coach is about being curious, and being slow to give advice and take action.
Now, I’m not saying that coaching never involves giving advice. At times, your job is to provide an answer. If the building’s burning down, for example, you don’t want to have a conversation about how people are feeling about the smell of smoke. Instead, you want to tell them the fastest route out of the building.
But the truth is, most of us are advice-giving maniacs. We don’t listen as much as we should. Think about the last time someone talked to you about a complex issue. Did you listen intently? Chances are, after hearing about three sentences, you formed some initial thoughts, and you jumped in to voice them.
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START WITH A SIMPLE QUESTION
It’s a simple concept to understand, yet it’s difficult to implement. According to a 2015 survey, on average, GPs interrupt their patients after just 18 seconds of their explaining their symptoms. I wouldn’t bet on managers doing much better.
Being curious involves asking questions—and they don’t have to be complicated ones. Start with “And what else?”
Yes, it’s hardly the probing, introspective coaching question you might expect. But it works really well.
It is based on the understanding that the first answer someone gives is never their only answer, and it’s rarely their best answer. Far too many of us spring into action before we’ve uncovered the truth. We don’t probe further, digging beyond the person’s half-baked thought or the first thing that’s come to their mind. “And what else?” allow us to push a little deeper.
This question works so well because it’s a self-management tool. You know you have an ingrained habit of leaping in with advice, solutions, opinions and ideas. We all do. “And what else?” is one of the most effective ways of taming your inner advice monster and staying curious a little bit longer.
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HOW TO ASK THE QUESTION EFFECTIVELY
The question “And what else?” is powerful because it’s almost always usable. You can generally get more bang for your buck by following up with another “And what else?”
Of course, tone matters. Ask this question from a place of boredom, frustration, disinterest or disdain and it’s unlikely to be effective. But when you ask it from a place of genuine curiosity, the other person won’t even register that it’s a question. They might not even click that you’ve asked this already.
If you feel that you need to move things forward or end the conversation, ask “Is there anything else?” This indicates that you’re prepared to end the discussion but are allowing room for anything important that the other person might want to still bring up. It’s an emotionally intelligent way to send the signal that you’re about to close the conversation.
Coaching is an essential leadership behavior. Curiosity is the driving force for being more coach-like. Questions fuel curiosity. If you’re looking for just one question to add right now to your leadership repertoire, “And what else?” might be it. Remember, as a leader or manager, your job is not to have all the answers, but to guide your employees to come up with the right ones.
As published in Fast Company, December 16, 2018
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MEET THE BOX OF CRAYONS TEAM
Yasamine Jacobs, Vice President of Operations
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Yasamine Jacobs leads the Operations team at Box of Crayons and was one of its first employees.
We asked Yasamine what it’s like to work at Box of Crayons.
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What do you like most about your role?
One of the great things about working in Operations and in my role in particular is that it touches so many different elements of the business. I play a really big part in helping shape and grow the company, which is incredibly rewarding and exciting, both in terms of servicing clients and building an awesome team. Being able to frame how clients and team members experience Box of Crayons is important, and it feels like Great Work.
What is your favourite coaching question?
That’s a hard one; all the questions are so fantastic, and they are useful in different ways at different times. Lately, I’ve been sitting with “How can I help?” I think this is a valuable question, especially for a leader, to help spark team members into considering what they actually need, what they’re really asking for and if, in fact, there is even an ask in there. I’ve always played a role in making things happen, so this question helps me slow my rush to advice giving or just outright giving the answer and direction, and, instead, letting others find their solution.
What is it like working at Box of Crayons?
Three things make working at Box of Crayons special.
We’ve got a fantastic team of talented, creative, fun and super-dedicated people who are truly invested not only in the success of Box of Crayons but also of one another. Collectively we strive to create an atmosphere of support and generosity, and we really have each other’s back—team members’ backs and also our clients’ back. We want to show up, be present and be excited about our clients’ goals and what they are doing.
Box of Crayons values are at the core of how we work. How we arrive at the decisions and choices we make on a daily basis. How we show up with one another, and with our clients and our partners too. Our values are truly fundamental to who we at Box of Crayons are.
We continuously challenge ourselves to learn, grow and focus on making Box of Crayons a great company, not only for our team members but for clients, so that they’ll come and “play” with us.
What is your favourite Box of Crayons value?
They all hold different meanings and they are often in tension with one another, and also show up in different ways and at different times.
The one that’s resonating with me at the moment is Start with courage. This is one that Box of Crayons has added recently. For me it calls upon us to draw on our inner strength and spirit. It feels like it’s the starting place for all our other values and how they show up. We do lots of fun, easy stuff, and that’s super, but sometimes we have difficult choices to make, and being able to draw on and reflect on this value is important.
What are you looking forward to next?
Box of Crayons is growing. We are focused on building a strong team as well as programs that service our clients and supports their needs. A big part of my role is to help create that vision and, in turn, build out the infrastructure to help execute it. Box of Crayons aspires to be a great place to work. So one of my projects—and what really gets me excited—is focusing on that experience for team members. We’re really invested in building out the team, investing in both the people and the processes for how we work together. And in ensuring they are excited about their contribution to Box of Crayons, to our strategy, vision and mission.
Externally, we are always looking for ways to better serve our clients. We’re really excited about a digital online offering we’re designing, and we look forward to launching that this year. Our mission is to make coaching skills accessible for everyone, so I’m excited about the possibility this product opens up in making that a reality.
What is your favourite crayon colour?
I love every colour, but I’m known as the “pink crayon with the leopard-print wrapper.” It’s a moniker I got when I started using pink in my virtual signature and because I wear a lot of leopard print.
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It’s just over a month into 2019 and have you kept to your New Year’s resolutions? If no, don’t worry, you’re not alone. In fact, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February. So perhaps you’re not intrinsically flawed after all; maybe it’s the concept of setting momentous, earth-shattering, change-the-world goals while drinking copious amounts of Champagne that is.
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So instead, what if you did more of something productive, or more of what makes you happy, and less of something that doesn’t contribute to your health or your bank account? What might 2019 look like with more and less?
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Looking for a good read? Our founder and CEO, Michael Bungay Stanier, found three new business books worthy of your time.
Scaling Leadership, by Bob Anderson and Bill Adams
Bob and Bill’s first book, Mastering Leadership, is terrific. It’s a dense read, and with that comes a discipline as to what makes for effective leadership, a rigour that has as its foundation the data gathered from The Leadership Circle, a powerful leadership assessment tool used by organizations around the world. Scaling Leadership dives deeper, looking in particular at the tensions between the drivers of what the authors call “reactive” and “creative” leaders. The book launches January 29.
Atomic Habits, by James Clear
James has a very large and very devoted following on the internet, and over the last few years, he’s been writing about building strong habits for a good life. His Atomic Habits immediately became a bestseller when it was released a few months ago, so I grabbed a copy, not least because of my interest in habit building. James just might be the new Leo Babauta (zenhabits.net) with his commitment to making habit building accessible. He builds on the work of Duhigg, Fogg and Babauta, and I appreciate his commitment to offering suggestions for a good life that are based on science and data.
Exactly Where to Start, by Phil Jones
Phil is steadily building a brand based on precision. I’ve got one of his earlier books, Exactly What to Say, and can tell you that if you’re ever involved in any type of sales conversation, it’s worth picking up. Short, practical and fun, Exactly Where to Start is a perfect January read, as it’s an encouragement to do more Great Work. (In fact, it might be a perfect accompaniment to my book Do More Great Work.)
(You can watch a conversation with Phil and me here.)
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See how The Coaching Habit program helps skeptical managers change their behaviour so that coaching becomes part of their everyday repertoire.
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One of our clients, the Canadian division of a global auditing and tax advisory firm serving both the public and private sectors, is deeply committed to supporting a coaching culture. However, its in-house program was overly theoretical and model-based, and managers were not walking away from it with the real-world tools they needed to successfully coach their teams. Managers also felt they didn’t have enough time to coach their staff, and couldn’t see the inherent value of coaching. As a result, coaching in the organization wasn’t sticking.
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RECENT REVIEWS OF THE COACHING HABIT
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The Coaching Habit was recently featured on bookvideoclub.com. Check out this fun and unique summary of Michael’s book or watch it on YouTube.
Michael was recently featured on Cy Wakeman’s No Ego podcast, where he talked about his favourite coaching questions. Listen to the full conversation here.
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And TCH is at the top of this list of recommended reading for 2019, based on the books CanInnovate podcast guests endorsed. Here is the podcast episode, from October.
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