Hello lovelies!

Happy Saturday! I apologize for missing last week's newsletter. Let me tell you what happened.

I am a Virgo and an INTJ. If you know what that means, then you know that I am picky about people. If you don't know what a Virgo x INTJ is like, you should know that I am emotionally closed off to protect myself and that I genuinely don't like 98% of people with other Meyers-Briggs personality types. It's also important to mention that I have been single for four or five years (when you've been single for this long, time blurs together) while actively trying my hand at dating over the past two years via Bumble. I have been on at least 14 dates over the past year and not one has ever resulted in a second. I have been ghosted by people I was interested in and people that I wasn't interested in. I ended things with two of my dates via text. I share this with you as relevant backstory for your reading, not because I want your pity or affection. I'm single and quite comfortable this way, except for when the following happens.

Two weeks ago I went on a date with a super cute, super flirtatious (but in a not aggressive way, an endearing way), and super smart human. His name was Corey (when you burn me, I don't believe you deserve anonymity). We had, what I thought, was a fabulous date (it was seven hours long. A bad date doesn't last that long)! We walked and talked. We went to my favorite bar and drank cheap beer in the dive-but-make-it-cute atmosphere. We played Minesweeper on the train while listening to his latest music infatuation. We argued about the definition of art. We discussed our differing tastes in literature and works of fiction. We contemplated on philosophy. We shared our personal anxieties. He was an ENFP (the only other personality type I can tolerate)! We cuddled in a corner booth, made out a little bit, held hands a lot, and then I took him home. 

I haven't heard from him since.  

I rarely let my guard down, but I did that night and I was burned. I NEVER find someone I connect with on such a deep, intellectual, funny, level. The last time I felt this intensely was six years ago. SIX. That night I allowed myself to feel deeply and it's this kind of experience (read: disregard for other's emotions) that keeps me from regularly seeking companionship. It's exhausting.

Ghosting is bullshit. It's cruel and emotionally immature. It takes three seconds to write a text that says "I had a great time last night, but I don't think we should see each other again." Three seconds; maybe less if you have wicked fast thumbs. It's a definitive end that expresses intent and closure. It is much easier on the mind of the rejected than no "verbal" rejection at all. 

Being ghosted, especially by someone that I felt deeply for, no matter how brief our interaction, hits me like a bus. It drags my innermost insecurities to the forefront of my mind and I can't help but think "What did I do wrong?" while simultaneously thinking, "Maybe I'm crazy and he isn't ghosting me." Both suck. Both aren't true. Both could have been avoided if he had the decency to show me the intellectual and emotional compassion of a rejection text.

So last week I was emotionally crippled on my couch for a full four days without leaving my apartment once. I couldn't muster the emotional or mental energy to do my work. I couldn't read anything. I couldn't talk to anyone. I just stared at my TV for ten hours a day for four days while eating dumplings.

This is what happens to an INTJ Virgo when you ghost them. 

Dating is hard.

xx Sarah

PS. I'm fine now. I let him have a piece of my mind (literally, I walked him through exactly what my analytical mind was thinking post-ghosting) via text (to which he never responded because he's a ghost), but that made me feel significantly better and like I had a little closure. My reasoning: he shouldn't get away with manipulating other's emotions without equal emotional consequence (upsetting people gives him anxiety. Still not an excuse to ghost). Also, I have amazing friends who digitally held my hand and played with my hair until I felt better. 

PPS. Apparently you're supposed to take Tylenol if you feel rejection or heartache. It manifests as physical pain and Tylenol is a pain killer. Fun Fact. Wish I had known that last week.