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The Passive Aggressive Spirit
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By Joni Ames joniames@aol.com
Several times lately I have had to help some ministry leaders deal with people who have a passive aggressive spirit. I had put information about it in my book, but it was part of what got edited out. So anyhow, thought since it seems to be such a forefront issue right now that I would give you all a little bit of information about it.
pas·sive-ag·gres·sive adjective of or denoting a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.
Denying feelings of anger is classic passive aggressive behavior. Rather than being upfront and honest when questioned about their feelings, the passive aggressive person insists, "I'm not mad" even when he or she is seething on the inside.
Passive- aggressive actions can range from the relatively mild, such as making excuses for not getting together, to the very serious, such as sabotaging someone's well-being and success.
Another definition of passive aggressive is: “Pertaining to behavior in which feelings of aggression are expressed in passive ways as, for example, by stubbornness, sullenness, procrastination, or intentional inefficiency.”
Those are some of the definitions I found. You can research more, but you get the idea.
We also don’t want to be robbed of our calling by becoming passive aggressive through operating in false humility. We want to walk in true humility, which allows us to have the confidence to walk in all God has for us. “Let no one cheat you of your reward, taking delight in false humility.” (Colossians 2:18) The term passive aggressive behavior got coined by military psychiatrists in a 1945 U.S. War Department technical bulletin to describe soldiers who employed a mixture of passive resistance and grumbling compliance. One of the most difficult spirits to deal with in a church or ministry team is the passive aggressive spirit. It often goes undetected by most people, because the person might act sweet, kind, encouraging, and helpful on the surface. Often due to past wounding they haven’t dealt with, their anger eventually comes out if they feel threatened. They can become territorial, controlling, manipulative, combative, and even dangerous. That’s why it’s so important for us to deal with our past and receive healing. Like the old saying, “Hurt people hurt people, and healed people heal people.” When we are healed, we know there is no need to resist the call of God in our life, be jealous of others, and otherwise make ourselves sad and angry. Part of how we can protect ourselves from that is to have a thankful heart. Here’s a great article for further information on the topic: 10 Signs of a Passive-Aggressive Relationship www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201508/10-signs-passive-aggressive-relationship?eml
Let’s remember, things like this result in a person usually due to them being wounded, possibly even severely abused and made to stuff their feelings instead of addressing them. Our goal is to get a person delivered, healed, and whole, not condemn and kick them out of our church or fellowship circle. Knowledge is good power when we use it correctly to help deliver, heal, and restore someone.
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