A few weeks ago was my birthday. Now, let me preface this story by saying that I love birthdays. It is the one day a year that you get to celebrate and contemplate your unique experience of living in the world. The highlight this year was a sweet surprise I received from my coworkers. I mentioned in passing to one of the members of my team that my birthday was coming up. She in turn orchestrated a secret group gift and card with beautiful caring messages about me from the team. The gift included a big Mylar balloon inscribed “with love on your birthday”. The coworker who bought it mentioned that the cashier at the pharmacy made a snarky comment when she said she was buying it for her colleague, and she replied “what’s wrong with telling your coworker you love them?” I haven’t stopped thinking about this since. I see my work team more than I see my family and friends. We work in a very intense and stressful environment and are often each other’s first source of comfort, counseling, and relief when the demands of work feel too much. The thoughtfulness of this gesture really touched me, in part because it was such a nice surprise and also because I never expected this group of people to express their love for me so openly. I love my team and care deeply about them, but how often do I tell them that? How often do any of us share our sincere love and appreciation for the other people in our lives besides our family and friends?
There is so much to be negative about these days and it’s infiltrated the collective consciousness in pervasive ways. Ask people how they are doing and its common to hear about how busy and overworked and stressed people are
all the time. We could all benefit from being told we are loved and appreciated more, especially through small and unexpected gestures. Valentine’s Day is an excellent reminder to tell the people in your life that you appreciate them and care about them—your family, your friends, your coworkers, your mail person, and anyone that touches your life in a meaningful way.
To be honest, I’ve always hated Valentine’s Day. I was single for most of my teens and twenties and it seemed like a cruel joke to be reminded of my relationship status every year (plus, the times when I was in a relationship, it often forced an awkward discussion about the status of our budding romance). As a boycott to the holiday, I started hosting annual anti-Valentine’s Day events for my girlfriends—there were chocolate fondue nights, bar crawls, potluck dinner parties, group outings to see the Vagina Monologues, craft weekends away, and other events to create my own friend-centered rituals around the holiday. I enjoyed thinking of creative ideas to celebrate my love for my friends instead of the romantic love of the Hallmark holiday.
The holiday we now celebrate with candy and roses has both Roman and Christian roots. Saint Valentine was a martyred priest said to have married young lovers against the ruling of Emperor Claudius II, who banned marriage to ensure that young single men would be available to join his army. There are many origin stories about St. Valentine painting him as a sympathetic and romantic figure. It is likely that the holiday is a Christianized version of Lupercalia, a pagan fertility festival held in February to celebrate agriculture and Romulus and Remus. The festival was banned during early Christianity, but re-popularized during the Middle Ages.
The first written valentines were not recorded until after 1400 and became increasingly popular through the 17
th century in Britain and France, where it was common for friends and lovers to share small tokens and notes of affection. The holiday was adopted in the United States in the 18
th century. The heart-shaped lacy Victorian-era valentines that have become an emblem of the holiday were first mass produced by Esther A. Howland in the 1840s. (See
this great article for a more detailed account of the origins of Valentine’s Day).
This year, why not surprise a friend or coworker with a message or gesture of your affection?! Make or buy valentines to give to your coworkers and the clerk at the drug store. Consider reconnecting with an old friend you have lost touch with. But please don’t stop there. Just as Valentine’s Day is not the only day for romantic partners to show their appreciation for each other, it’s also not the only time to show the people that touch your life that you care about them. Keep telling people that you love them. That you appreciate them. That their friendship means something to you. And that your life is richer for the connection.
It might just make someone’s day shine a little brighter, like the happy birthday balloon from my work family.
Happy Valentine's Day dear readers,
