There have been a lot of campaigns and publicity about mental health and wellbeing in the UK in the past year or so with a recognition that many people experience difficult feelings and experiences in their lives and that these challenges can lead to depression, anger, frustration, self-harm and even suicide.
However alongside this encouragement to 'talk more' there is an identified shortage of 'specialists' to meet people with difficulties so that there is now a significant waiting list before people can, apparently, receive help. But often that help takes the form of 'assessment' rather than simply listening to the person to help them come to terms with their difficulty, and so even after a long wait to see someone they are still not given the opportunity to just sit with, and talk to, and be listened to by someone. Instead, once assessed they may be sent on for 'treatment' that in itself may also not incorporate an element of being listened to other than for the purposes of further 'assessment'.
It seems that the purpose of 'talking more' is simply in order to identify something as being 'wrong' with us for having such difficult feelings, possibly as a result of a distressing experience but sometimes just because we find it difficult to deal with every day life.
But that doesn't mean there is something 'wrong' with us, it means we are normal and yet the process that people have to follow when they present with a mental health difficulty seems to presume that there has to be something wrong with them rather than that they are simply having a difficult time handling life's pressures and want some support to help them through. A support which simply listening to someone can provide in many, many situations, but a support which is not provided when the 'listener' is only listening in order to 'assess diagnose and prescribe' on the assumption there has to be something wrong with the person that needs 'treatment' if they are having difficult feelings.
Surely, if specialists are to help people with their mental health difficulties the first thing they need to be able to help them with is just coming to terms with their difficult feelings and that to have them is not a sign of abnormality. Listening, or 'witnessing' as I am starting to call it to distinguish it from the many forms of 'listening' that to me don't sound or feel like listening at all, can be the most supportive and powerful thing we can do to support people, before any need for treatment or medication or other intervention to try to 'fix' people when really they are not broken.
Please let me have your thoughts about this if you agree or disagree.
What is your experience of listening or being listened to?
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How do you define Success? I wrote this below because I had a moment where I stopped to wonder - 'What is this all about....our economy, our achievements, our recognition.....surely if there is not kindness alongside it all then they don't represent success at all.....do they?' What do you think?
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Most recent YouTube video on the Communication and Conflict Channel:
I have now completed the third and last video in the series about Ineffective and Effective Responses to Conflict - the last video is called The 3-Cheers For Conflict - Learning, Connection and Insight - Conflict as a Creative Opportunity! - see below:
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This is Video 3/3 looking at the features of any RESOLVED CONFLICT - which can be described as Learning, Connection and Insight - what I call 'The 3-Cheers For Conflict'.
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Have you ever wondered what we might be able to learn from garden birds about conflict resolution?
Check out the article below to find out ....
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Conflict Resolution by Garden Birds and What We Can Learn From Them
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"Alan Sharland has written a vital book on bullying. His approach is the way forward. Instead of focusing on 'proving it', which takes us in the direction of investigations and hearings that go no where and only serve to exacerbate an already sensitive situation, he shows the way forward through direct communication and a focus on the behavior that is of concern. At times the support of an internal workplace mediator will help." - John Ford - Director of HR Mediation Academy
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"I think you put together so well all the essential components of
conflict transformation in a way which people can relate to and
understand.
A brilliant book and I will recommend it to everyone." Jo Berry
www.buildingbridgesforpeace.org
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