By Jen Levin on Feb 15, 2019 08:00 am
LA is pretty spoiled with our weather, but lately we have had multiple storms hitting us with several days of rain. I know the rain is a good thing and LA and the entire state needs it, but I also miss our normal sunny weather. It is true that so many LA drivers have no idea how to drive in the rain and the roads can be scary with people driving crazy. I also don’t love having to do my errands in the rain like my laundry because I don’t want to get an umbrella out just to cross my driveway nor do I like being wet. I’m aware that this is not a great quality that I have, but I blame it on not having to deal with rain often while growing up. I missed creating good rainy weather habits and skills.
But the main thing I dislike about the rain is that is usually causes me quite a bit of hip pain. I’ve been dealing with this since I had my hip surgery, and I was expecting it to happen after the surgery. I know that people who have broken bones have issues with pain during the rain, and my hip surgery basically caused a broken bone on the top of my femur. The pain can be pretty bad sometimes and make me even less motivated to get out of my house and do anything.
Fortunately, with how infrequent the rain is here, I don’t deal with this too often. And when I do, I’m usually grateful to have a day that is requiring me to slow down and be lazy. I know I can forget to take time for myself sometimes, and having this days of pain are a reminder to take care of myself and that sometimes it’s ok to not do anything. I also continuously am grateful that I work from home because my days of pain don’t affect my ability to work. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to be in an office for work and how I would deal with the pain. I remember it occasionally being an issue at past jobs, but I also think I was taking painkillers more often than I do now.
Sometimes the pain isn’t too bad and I’ve been lucky that I haven’t had a lot of horrible days with all the recent storms. Maybe it’s because there have been so many storms back to back so my body doesn’t have to deal with as many weather fluctuations. Or maybe with the back to back rain it just gets easier to deal with (or I’m getting more used to it). But the other idea I have is that right now it isn’t as bad because I have other pain going on and it’s distracting me.
The pain in my face has been getting better every day, but it’s still not great. My jaw looks and feels very swollen and it’s not easy to do a lot of things. I’m slowly introducing soft foods back into my diet after being on liquid things only for a few days. I also am starting to notice some bruises around the incision and I think that’s probably a good sign of this healing nicely. I’ve got a few more days with the stitches in and I’m ready for them to be out. They are weird and I am very paranoid that things aren’t going right with them. But I know I’m fine and just acting crazy.
Pain is never fun for me, but it is a regular part of my life. I don’t know if that will ever change and I don’t expect it to. I just get to learn how to be better at managing it. And this time, my pain management is other pain and I am getting a kick out of that. I don’t know how often I’d be hoping for pain, but it’s a nice thing for me right now. And hopefully by next week, I’ll be out of pain because both the rain is done and my face will be more healed. I’m a little worried about pain after the stitches come out, but I know that it will probably be much easier than the pain I had when they went in. And then I can focus on making the scar fade as quickly as possible!
The post Pain Distracts From Other Pain (or The Rain Isn’t Too Bad This Time) appeared first on Finding My Inner Bombshell.
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By Jen Levin on Feb 14, 2019 08:00 am
I know that there are many single people who hate Valentine’s Day. I completely understand why people might feel that way. It’s a weird holiday that doesn’t mean a lot to people who are in relationships. But when you are single, you are bombarded with the idea that you should be coupled up and you are somehow missing out on something by being single.
I’ve never been in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. Last year, I actually ended up having a date that night, but it wasn’t until later we realized it was Valentine’s Day. We only planned something because we both happened to be free that evening. So it was more of a date on Valentine’s Day and not a Valentine’s Day date. But it didn’t mean more to me than a date on any other night.
And this year, as always, I’m single. I’m dealing with being betrayed by someone who I thought cared about me which isn’t that fun, but I’m getting so much support from my friends and that is what matters more to me than any guy that I have dated.
So this year on Valentine’s Day, I want to celebrate the love I have from my friends. I am so incredibly grateful and lucky to have the friends that I have in my life. They are amazing and so supportive and I don’t know what I would do without them. When I’m upset about anything, even if it’s something really stupid, I know I can call someone and they will be able to talk me down.
With this recent betrayal by a guy, I’ve had friends remind me that I am lovable and worthy of so much more than what I was getting. They also helped me realize that a lot of the hurt that I am feeling is not about what this guy did to me, but the fact that I will never get answers or the closure that I would like. I am the type of person who will research something until I understand it completely. I will never understand why this person decided to hurt me or what made them see me as not worthy of being treated how I deserve to be treated. And letting go of the idea of wanting the answers is tough and I’m working through that.
But my friends also support me in the silly problems I have. When I was stressed out about my procedure with my dermatologist, I was going down a bit of a spiral thinking I was about to ruin my face. A friend reminded me that there are so many plastic surgery options for me if the scar was horrible and if it did create a divot in my face that I could always get fillers done. That’s not something I could do for a while, but just having someone remind me that this does not have to be the end of the road if I’m not happy with the results was enough to calm me down and help me remember that I was making the right decision.
And of course, I try to be there as much for my friends (if not more) than they are there for me. But I still feel like I don’t do enough considering how much they help me out and how often they remind me of things that I need to be reminded about. I know that I have mental health issues that make me think I’m not worthy and I can go to a dark place. It’s never that horrible, but it’s not a good place to be. And my friends never hesitate to help me out when I have those moments. They are never annoyed that it happened again or that they have to tell me something they have told me multiple times before.
While I have had a great example of what a successful relationship looks like from my parents, I also feel like I have been given examples of that as well through my friends. I know that being with someone romantically is different from being platonic, but I have learned how I should be treated by how my friends treat me. I have learned how to have a supportive and balanced relationship through those friendships. And I am hopeful that when I do find the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will be able to remember the relationships with my friends and use those as guidelines for how that relationship should be.
I’m writing this early enough that there is still potential for me to have a date tonight (although I don’t know if I want to go out with stitches in my face), but that doesn’t matter. If I’m spending tonight alone at home watching tv, that’s fine. While Valentine’s Day doesn’t really matter to me as a holiday, I am using it as a good excuse to be grateful for the love I do have in my life and remembering how lucky I am.
The post Celebrating My Friendship Love (or I Don’t Hate Valentine’s Day) appeared first on Finding My Inner Bombshell.
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By Jen Levin on Feb 13, 2019 08:00 am
On Monday this week, I had the little surgery with my dermatologist to remove the wart on my face (or whatever it is). This has been something I have been dealing with for so long, and it’s crazy to think that I just had a surgery to take care of it. I’m still in a bit of pain from it all, but I am glad I did it.
I haven’t gotten the results from the biopsy yet, but I’m going to assume that it was a wart. That’s what every doctor has told me it was. When I first got it when I was 18, the dermatologist I saw did 1 freezing treatment and it went away within a few days. It was so easy and simple and I thought it was done forever. But when it grew back, it seemed to come back with a vengeance.
I’ve done so many freezing treatments with so many doctors and that was always their first choice with treatment. When one doctor finally said it might need to be surgically removed, I went to a plastic surgeon to discuss it and was pretty much told it was a bad idea. I just kept going to new doctors and having them try to freeze it. And it never worked.
If it was just a boring wart, I don’t think I would have cared as much. But this was painful and causing issues and I wanted it gone. So when the newest dermatologist I met (for an unrelated issue) said that it would be a quick and easy surgery, I decided to go for it.
I knew that this would involve some shots since they had to numb my skin. And I knew it would probably hurt after the numbing medication wore off. But those negatives would be worth having this done with and not a problem in my life anymore. I did ok with the numbing shots, but they weren’t fun. My doctor understood that I hate needles and he really tried to be nice about it all. He kept apologizing when they had to do more just to make sure I’d be good and numb before he started.
The actual biopsy procedure was so quick. He used a tool that punched out a circle of my skin and that was it! I didn’t feel the punch at all but I was warned I might feel some pressure. But I was so numb and it was so quick that it was over before I knew it! The longest part was getting the stitches, and there were a few complications.
My doctor knew that there would be blood because he was cutting a hole in my skin. And I know that certain medications can make you bleed more so I didn’t take any of my medications that I could skip for the past week. The only thing I took was my Vyvanse and my anti-nausea medications. However, after my doctor asked if I took any blood thinners, I remembered that I also had taken some Motrin to ease my cramps last week. It wasn’t that recently, but it was still in my system and it was making me bleed more than expected.
Fortunately, it ended quickly and my doctor was able to start working on the stitches. This was the part I hated the most. I could feel him stitching my skin and pulling on it even if it was painless. But it was the weirdest sensation and I really didn’t like it. It wasn’t painful, but it just bothered me. I also could hear random things since this was happening close enough to my ears and that was freaking me out a bit too. But I tried my best to stay still because that would help my doctor do his best work. With this scar being on my face, I wanted to do whatever I could to minimize it.
The entire thing took a little under an hour. It did take time to get everything ready and for the numbing shots to kick in. Plus it took longer than expected because of the bleeding issue. I only got 2 stitches in my face, but my doctor wanted to make sure they were perfect so the scar would be the best it could be. I will always have a scar there now, but it should be better than what it looked like before.
I got to look at the stitches before they covered them up, and I was a bit surprised how tiny they were. I don’t know what I was really expecting, but I thought it would be much more than what it looks like. Right now, it almost looks like a hashtag or pound sign on my chin. I feel like it looks worse now, but when the stitches come out and the scar is healing it will be better.
And in the long run, a scar is going to be much easier to cover with makeup and won’t cause me pain or the other issues I’ve been dealing with. I’m so glad that this is done and while I hate the pain I’m in now I know in the long run I will be glad I did this.
Now, I just have to rock the stitches look for the next week before they come out. Not sure if I’m going to put a bandage on it while I’m out in public (I know I will when I go to my workouts), so it will be interesting to see the reactions of others.
The post A Surgery Afternoon (or This Has Been Over A Decade In The Making) appeared first on Finding My Inner Bombshell.
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By Jen Levin on Feb 12, 2019 08:00 am
It’s so crazy to believe, but my current mentoring circle from Women In Film has been meeting for 4 years now! I knew that this group of women was special when we were actually able to meet between our meetings with our mentors, but I had no clue that we’d be able to continue the group after that first year ended. But it turned out that we bonded together as a group a bit more than we bonded with our mentors so it makes sense that we have kept things up.
While we have been meeting for 4 years, things have changed a few times. When we started, we technically met every month since we met with our mentors every other month and then on our own for the alternate months. And when we started meeting on our own after that first year, we continued to meet every other month since that was the routine that we got used to. But as time has gone one, most of us have gotten busier (which is a good thing) and it’s been harder to meet up. So at the end of last year, we decided to change things up so that we now meet every 3 months so we see each other 4 times a year.
Our first meeting of 2019 was this past weekend and we had our traditional brunch at Rush St. which has been our brunch place for a while now. We almost always get one of the booths, and that works perfectly for our group to feel like we have our own little meeting space and not in the middle of a busy restaurant.
When our mentoring group started, we had a few more members than we currently have. But I understand that continuing with the group wasn’t for everyone and that’s pretty much what happened with my first group that never met outside of our few meetings with our mentors. But we still have almost everyone in the group and we work hard to try to make the meetings we have. This time, we were missing 2 people, but I know they tried hard to make it and there were just circumstances that prevented them from being able to be there.
I’ve said in the past few recaps of my brunches with my group that I haven’t had a ton of news to share but I loved hearing what everyone else has been up to. This brunch was the same. My biggest news was about how it is going to be election season soon for SAG-AFTRA and that I’m more involved in my slate than I have in the past. Nothing about that is too exciting, but I know they are important things and something that not everyone is doing. I wish I could tell them amazing news about booking jobs or amazing auditions, but those just aren’t happening for me right now. I’ve had auditions, but they are nothing spectacular or unusual so I don’t really feel like sharing about those.
But as always, everyone else had amazing updates and hearing about them was the highlight of brunch for me. I’ve never really been the type of person to compare my journey to someone else’s, so I can just get joy out of seeing the steps that everyone else has been taking. And they have been doing some really amazing things that have been getting closer to reality. And one of the benefits of being a part of this group for so long is that I have been able to see the long game with everyone’s journey. One member of our group is getting close to the play she has written being on Broadway. And when we started as a group she had just produced a reading in LA and we have been getting updates about readings in NY, finding a producer and director, and now finding investors. It’s so amazing and I couldn’t be happier for her.
Because this play has been in the works for so long and the finish line seems so close, I think everyone in the group can’t wait to find out that it will be premiering on Broadway. We’ve been joking that we will all have to have a meeting in NY when that happens because of course we all want to be there. And maybe if it happens in a year we can celebrate the start of our 5th year together as a group by seeing the show premiere. But even if that doesn’t happen, it’s so fun to dream about doing that together.
While I would love to have more and better updates when the group meets again in May, I’m not going to worry about it too much. I just have to keep working hard and I know the results will happen eventually. And when they do happen, I don’t doubt that the group will be just as happy for me as I have always been for them with their amazing news!
The post 4 Years Of My Mentoring Circle (or Celebrating With Brunch) appeared first on Finding My Inner Bombshell.
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By Jen Levin on Feb 11, 2019 08:00 am
This past week of workouts was during the worst of my nausea, but fortunately this time it wasn’t quite as bad as it has been the past year or so. I still had some really bad days, but they weren’t during my workouts. I still wasn’t feeling great, but it was nice to have a slightly less worse week than I was expecting because it allowed me to do some good work.
Monday’s workout was an endurance day and I thought the class would be 2 groups since that’s what my Monday class normally is. But it ended up being a 3 group class so I was at each section of the room for about 15 minutes. That worked for me because I was dealing with a bad nausea day so I appreciated changing things up often because that seemed to be tricking my nausea a little bit.
On the cardio side, we had all 30 second push paces with base paces after them. The base paces started at 30 seconds and increased each time. The goal on endurance days is to be able to maintain base pace after a push, and that’s exactly what this workout was designed to do. I used my normal resistance levels on the bike and I know that I need to step it up a bit because it was a bit too easy for me to get back to my base pace even with how off I was feeling.
On the rower, we had decreasing rows with different types of squats between each row. We started with a 250 meter row and then we had squat calf raises, regular squats, and pulsing half squats. We also were supposed to do jumping jacks, but I can’t do those when I’m nauseous so I just skipped that part of the workout. All the rows were essentially sprint rows, but they weren’t very fast for me. But I was still able to do the rows under the time we are supposed to be under which is a victory for me when I’m feeling off.
The floor work was a good mix of lower body work with mini-band work. The first block was all mini-band work with weighted front squats, bicep curls, and squat walks. I still struggle a bit with the mini-bands because they roll up my legs and get very tight, but I’m getting better and keeping them smooth or fixing them when they twist up. And the second block had regular lunges, lateral lunges, and upper cuts. None of those moves had the mini-bands so they went a bit easier for me.
Wednesday’s workout was a benchmark workout day. We had the 200 meter row benchmark and my goal wasn’t to beat my previous PR but to get close to it. We had a 3 group class and we were switching about every 4 minutes around the room.
For cardio, we had the same block every time we were there. We had a 45 second push pace, 30 second base pace, 45 second all out, walking recovery, and another 45 second all out. Because we went to the rower right after cardio, we were told to not overdo things so we would be ready for the row. The focus was on rowing so we had an easier cardio block. I was using my normal resistance levels even though I think I need to increase them because of that, and my cardio went well even with feeling off.
The row blocks were all similar with starting with a 200 meter row. Then we had squat work with a medicine ball and then back to the rower. The first block, I thought that would be my block to do my best 200 meter row. I wanted to be between 40 and 41 seconds, and I was able to do exactly that! I was exhausted after it, but it felt great to hit my goal. The second time I was on the rower I didn’t do quite and well and expected to do the same for the third block. But someone my third block ended up being my best 200 meter row at 40.2 seconds! The squat work we had after each 200 meter row were squat to press, squat to front press, and static squat front raises. I really didn’t get much rowing done after the squat work because I took a bit of time to recover after the first row, but I usually got at least 50 meters in before the block ended.
And on the floor, we had 2 exercises each block. The first block was low rows on the straps and neutral thrusters with weights. The second block was single arm squats to shoulder presses and pullovers using weights. And the last block was plank low rows with weights and crunches. The only one I really had issues with were the plank low rows, but I used the bench so I wasn’t totally face down to the ground and took my time getting into and out of my plank.
Friday’s workout was endurance based and for the cardio portion we had 3 different runs (or bikes) for distance. The first 2 were 3.5 minutes and the last one was 4 minutes. The goal was to do at least a push pace the entire time and I was able to do that for the first 2. But by the last one my nausea was affecting me much more so I set the resistance level to be between my base and push levels. But even though I had to go down a bit in my resistance, I was able to pedal the entire time without needing a break.
On the rower, we started with a 90 second row and we had to remember what distance we did. Then we had sumo squats and frogger squats before we went back onto the rower. We were supposed to do 50 meters less than what we rowed in 90 seconds and then do more squats. Every time we were on the rowers we were supposed to go down 50 meters. I didn’t want to worry too much about the distances or doing the math, so I made things easy on myself. I know that we are supposed to do at least 100 meters every 30 seconds. So in 90 seconds, that would be 300 meters. I know I went further than that in that 90 second row for distance, but using even numbers just made things easier for me and I didn’t have to waste time thinking about what I had to do next.
The floor work was split into 2 blocks. The first block had lateral raises, front raises, and upright rows using weights. After the first round we had crunches on the Bosu. Then we did the weight work again and had back extensions on the Bosu. And the last round was the weight work again and both crunches and back extensions. The second block was plank leg lifts and knee tucks which were supposed to be done on the Bosu, but I did the leg lifts with my hands on the floor.
Saturday’s workout was a mix of endurance, strength, and power and it was the opportunity I was looking for to work on increasing my resistance levels on the bike. We had 3 mini blocks for cardio that all had a 90 second push pace, a base pace, a 30 second push pace, and a 30 second all out. The difference we had was in that base pace and it got shorter every time. The first time I did my bike work at my normal resistance level and remembered what I was thinking on Wednesday about increasing the levels. So for the next 2 times, I increased the push and the all out levels by 1 resistance level (I kept the base the same). It wasn’t easy when I tried it because it was hard plus I was dealing with my nausea. But the fact that I was able to do it proved that it was exactly what I needed!
On the rower, we started with a 100 meter row and medicine ball squats. Each round went up 50 meters with the row and down 5 reps on the squats. Then we switched and started with a 250 meter row and medicine ball squat presses. Each round went down 50 meters with the row and we increased the squat reps. I don’t know if my nausea just decided on that time to kick in or it was a result of the harder resistance levels, but I was hurting during the row. I know I was going very slow for myself and I tried to not think about it.
And on the floor, we had one long block that was an add-on block. We started with dumbbell ground to presses and then each round we kept adding on more exercises. We added tricep work on the straps, push up to knee tucks using the ab dolly, rollouts using the ab dolly, and hip bridges. After getting to all the exercises, we started to take them away, but I only started my first round taking things away when the class ended.
My expectations for this week of workouts isn’t too high. I have my little surgery with my dermatologist this afternoon and I have no idea if it will affect my workouts. I have already cleared with my doctor that I will be able to work out as long as it’s not the next day, which fits in perfectly with my workout schedule. But if I’m feeling sore or off, I know that I can’t push myself too much because I will have stitches in my face. But if anyone is used to working out with random modifications, it’s me. And I’m curious to see how it all goes.
The post A Week Of 3G Workouts (or Pushing Myself When I Feel Stuck) appeared first on Finding My Inner Bombshell.
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