Spring 2019 Healthy News
Grief is Timeless
Here we are at the start of spring. I am confident that many of you are feeling better with the lengthening days, increasing sunshine and lovely warming temperatures. I imagine some of you are glad to be leaving behind what might have been a difficult winter. And, I was given another reminder that tragedy can hit at any time without warning or prelude. A friend’s 16-year old son recently died. Where I was feeling tired but content at the end of a work week, suddenly I felt sadness and loss. I am now reminded of loved ones who have died, our mortality and a common experience of death anxiety. Put simply, the grief process is never easy to face and this is especially true when it comes from the death of a child via suicide.
Trauma is a harsh reminder that pain is an integral part of the human experience. Death and dying have their own particular intensity as part of the two single most important events in anyone’s lives, in shared company only with birth itself. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD proposed the following stages of grief in her landmark 1969 book “On Death and Dying.” Where her material has been updated with a greater understanding today, it serves as a helpful guide to understand common human experiences during this natural process.
Stages of Grief (in no particular order or completeness)
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
People in denial are often in shock. Confusion, avoidance and even elation are normal, although they may just as easily want to “stay busy” with work, menial tasks or arrangements such as a funeral. It may be therapeutic for them to do so.
Anger is often in the company of rage, agony, frustration, irritation, anxiety or more. It can be helpful to remember that someone experiencing anger can be erratic or unpredictable in their behavior. It often has little to do with those to whom they lash out.
People who are bargaining may be hopeful that they can avoid the causes of grief. They may “negotiate with god” or make promise to change their lives.
The feeling of depression inevitably results in each person’s grappling with mortality. Apathy, silence, refusal of visitors or sullen behavior are common. People experiencing depression may neglect their health via poor food choices, lack of exercise or addictive behaviors.
If someone has felt and dealt with their entire range of emotions, they may eventually arrive at acceptance. People may talk about the past or future in a calm or introspective manner, such as “it’s going to be ok” or “I won’t fight this anymore.” I cannot emphasize enough that you cannot just jump to acceptance. You must do the emotional work.
I am not a licensed professional counselor. I am a doctor with a perspective on the entire human experience, which includes physical, mental, spiritual and emotional aspects. If you or a loved one are experiencing significant grief or trauma, I recommend you seek professional help immediately. I can help with the physical symptoms of grief, but my top referral in the Grand Valley is to any of the therapists at www.beingtherecounseling.com. In the words of the Lutheran minister at my uncle’s funeral, “Now remember to grieve, otherwise it will come out crooked.”
Dr Lepisto
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Christopher Lepisto, ND
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Dr Lepisto specializes in helping you feel better naturally.
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Being There Counseling
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I recommend any of the exceptional therapists here. They provide Grand Junction marriage, individual and family counseling.
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Hope West
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Hope West provides counseling and grief support during the death and dying process.
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