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Five months ago, I wrote in the newsletter about my grandmother who had been left bedridden after a series of strokes.
Just a few days ago, she passed away, leaving a huge void in my heart and everyone else who knew her well.
The wake and funeral compelled us all to sit with the permanence of losing a loved one.
There’s no way to evade the sorrow of death. In these moments, while talking about her life, her character, her decisions and her legacy, we inevitably evaluated ours.
We confronted our choices in life, evaluating how we might improve them going forward to make the most of our limited lifetime. Memento mori.
There are 4 things I learned from my grandmother that will stick with me forever and that I believe can make me a better decision-maker.
1. Humans can overcome a lot more than we believe.
Our capacity to absorb shock, pain, and other extreme forms of emotional and physical distress is enormous.
I’ve seen this strength in my grandmother and there are plenty of examples that highlight the same, one of the most famous ones being Viktor Frankl’s life story.
My grandmother lived through war, famine, communism and times when there was no electricity or running water. She had 5 children, one of which died young. She raised a family on an education of just 4 grades and lived to become great-grandmother twice.
When I try to imagine how much willpower, energy, hard work and emotional effort went into making all of this happen, I feel overwhelmed.
This perspective gives me hope that we can accomplish so much more going forward. I see this as a responsibility in the light of all the collective effort my family made over the years so I could have more opportunities to grow and thrive than they did in their time.
2. A belief system helps you through the most difficult times and decisions.
I’m not religious but I’ve always admired my grandmother’s faith. She became a seventh day adventist when I was about 7 years old and it became a source of continuity and strength for her throughout the rest of her life.
This belief system was a powerful anchor. It kept her hopeful, appeasing her loneliness after my grandfather died. Her faith also helped her cultivate resilience in the face of adversity and find solace in times of need.
She talked about it often and, even though I thought about it differently, I can see how this belief system helped her, especially in the last decade, when she insisted to live alone in the home that she and grandpa had built when they were young and lived in every since.
Whatever belief system you choose or model for yourself, do it with intent because it can become a fundamental aspect of your life and character.
3. Forgiveness is a powerful way to relieve tension.
Whenever there was a conflict in the family (and there almost always is, as I’m sure you’ve experienced as well), my grandmother would advocate for forgiveness.
This was an essential part of her belief system and she practiced it. No matter the issue or the relationship, she always told us to forgive and move on.
I now realize that practicing forgiveness in such a consistent manner relieves us from the tension involved in any form of conflict. It eases the burden of mistakes, misunderstanding, and wrongdoings, no matter if we choose to end that relationship or not.
I, for one, use empathy frequently but I don’t forgive as often. Moving forward, this is something I want to work on.
4. Acceptance and persistence make a good team.
There’s a prayer used by the A.A. that dates back to 1942 that you may have heard in moves or bumped into around the web.
Its origins and author are unknown and I find it useful even without the religious aspect. The serenity prayer, as it’s called, goes like this:
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