For so many years, I avoided one of the most nagging questions about our success—about my own success: Do you have to take your foot off the gas of your career to have children?
I loved building my career. I woke up early for meetings, I stayed up late for deadlines. I went to every networking pow-wow. I asked for more responsibility. I chased leadership opportunities. I paid attention to my boss’s and my reports' feedback. I wanted (and still want) to carve out a big space in the world for my work. And for a lot of years, I didn’t even think about what it would mean to my career to have kids. I know there are important, powerful women who have children, but there wasn’t a lot of talk about their kids. Children seemed to exist in a separate universe from success.
And so in this age of transparency, it makes sense that so many young women ask me for advice: “How do you navigate having a big career and having babies?” We’ve done a terrible job showing up as role models and it’s something I feel a personal responsibility to change.
This essay I wrote for LinkedIn is about how things are changing. A new generation of leaders are making room at the top for ambition and for family. And it’s the first time I’ve written about my own fear of what would happen to my career when I had children.
When I was pregnant as Editor-in-Chief of Seventeen, I went to great lengths to pretend—to myself and to others—that nothing would change. I’m pregnant in every single one of the pictures below, but I hid it pretty well, don’t you think? I wore lots of scarves, coiffed my hair to perfection, making it the main attraction over my bump, and mastered the art of the tight crop and the lean forward in photos...
But things change when you have kids, though not in the way you think. My ambition is still there—and as sharp as ever. My time is tighter, but I have a team of people who help: We had a full-time nanny, and now a part-time babysitter, after-school care, and my husband happily does breakfast, baths, bedtime, and beyond.
This has also changed: My career has a deeper meaning now. I’m earning money because I want a better life for my kids. And I’m working on impactful projects because I want a better world for them. I know I'm in a position of tremendous privilege—to create my own work, to be able to afford the help I need. And I'm not saying my solution fits anyone else. But I want to raise the question: What do you need to be able to honor your ambitions for career and family? And how can we help each other get it?
My Essay, A Baby Boom in the C-Suite has sparked a really important (and really big!) conversation. Please read and share it with your tribe. I want to know what you think.
There's so much more to say and I want to start talking. Quite frankly, this is the conversation we need to be having. You know where to find me.
XOXO
— A.
PS: We've launched a Badass Dudes group to have these conversations with the men in our lives. Send all your dudes here.
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You're Invited!
Want the big life and love you know you deserve? I'm sitting down with author (and Badass Babe) Hannah Orenstein to talk about ambition, success, and love. All proceeds go to Grace Outreach, a nonprofit organization that helps women get their GEDs--I'm on the board! What are you waiting for? Buy your tickets now! Can't wait to see you there!
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IN OTHER BADASS BABES NEWS...
YOU ARE WORTHY
Let's be honest, sometimes it feels weird to celebrate your success—even if you've worked hard for it. Or, as this story in Man Repeller puts it:
"Women are often socialized to not take up too much space, not be too loud, not be too braggadocious, because it’s unbecoming, conceited, unattractive, or threatening...These conflicting messages — to pursue success, but not too much of it — can lead us to undervalue our own voice and power."
And the solution, the article says, is not to see success as proof of your worth, but instead “Believing, sharing, and expressing aspects of our worth lead to success.”
Here’s the complex challenge I struggle with: You can express your worth all you want—and you SHOULD—but if the rest of the world isn’t putting a value on that, will you continue to rise into positions that allow you to feel worthy?
The reason I wrote The Big Life was to tell young women that they are worth their dreams. You are not an imposter in your own life. You are not lazy, entitled, disloyal, or whatever the world wants to say about you. You see power and success differently, but we have to make the world see you as powerful and successful. It's a feedback circle — and one you have to constantly fight for. See the things you value in yourself as powerful, and make the world see them too.
#SQUADGOALS
Pro Tip: Find a friend who looks at you the same way Janelle Monae looks at Lizzo.
MORE THAN A JOB
Who's checked out the Time 100 list yet? I have only read the women's entries so far—is that bad? :) And what struck me is how valued they all are for their lives beyond their jobs. That you can’t just see their career success, real influence means that your impact radiates from all corners of your life.
Ariana Grande is celebrated for her deep understanding of “how music should work in 2019," but also her “resilience, love, care, and heart.” Rent the Runway's CEO and founder Jennifer Hyman is certainly a powerful disrupter. But what impresses legend Diane von Furstenberg the most is Hyman's "dedication to advocating for women, come hell or high water.”
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is highlighted for her game-changing early days in politics, but she's also relatable. “Coming from a family in crisis and graduating from school with a mountain of debt, she fought back against a rigged system and emerged as a fearless leader.”
I love seeing young women on the list, and I love seeing their influence recognized beyond numbers and titles. Go get 'em, babes!
BTW: This newsletter started from a series of conversations at my dinner table (dinner may be overselling...it was fancy frozen pizza and many bottles of rosé). Each dinner was a group of about 6 or so, friends of a friend of a friend, who came together to trade notes, offer support and share insider secrets. I called them the Badass Babes because they were the kind of girls anyone would want to be—confident, rule breaking, game changing. The conversations were so revelatory that I wanted to broaden the sisterhood and connect with young women everywhere. And so here we are. So glad you could join us!
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