A Word from Our Director
Community Goal:
Last week we talked a bit to the folks who have a hard time setting limits with their children. We talked about how kids need limits, but they are most effective when lovingly set. One parent last week asked, but what if saying no is all you do? What if saying no isn’t the problem, what if that is a tool you are using way too much?
Ah, Yes! That is the right question!!!!
We each have unique backgrounds and upbringings, so we each have different tool boxes. We also have a tremendous amount of information. Questions like this come from people who can feel the information learned as a child not quite jivving with what we have learned as adults.
So, for those of you who want to control your children less, here are some thoughts:
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Trust that your child is smart. They know the difference between right and wrong. They want to be good, they want to be loved, they will figure out how to have good manners. Just trust them to follow their process.
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When they can’t be “good” or go “off track”, they are signalling for support. A child that is hurting others or running away or yelling or taking or throwing is waiting for you to step in and help. Stopping these behaviors with love, without lecture, just stopping and letting them know you are there to help is enough. In these moments they can’t think or reason or tell you what they are thinking.
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Don’t sweat the small stuff. Everyone screws up now and then. Your child will too. If the transgression doesn’t seem to be packed with emotion, try letting it go. Your child is smart, but also human. Before correcting try connecting: “Hey, I noticed you took Jill’s shovel and she yelled at you. That was must have been hard. I’m wondering if you knew she was still using the shovel?”
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Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” then step in if you need to. Otherwise, trial and error is the best tool for your child to learn. You won’t always be able to stand behind them telling them what to do. It's much more helpful if you step in only when you must.
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Be their ally, especially in social situations. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be accepted socially, that we might be transferring that pressure to our kids. Wait a few years before pressuring your child to say “Hello/Goodbye”, “Please/Thank you.” or “I’m sorry”. It is VERY important that you model these social conventions, but insisting on them coming from your child will just build resistance.
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Take a closer look at your childhood. We tend to parent the way we were parented. The difference now is that we have so much information on the effects of various parenting styles. We get to really think about how we want to parent. Children who are raised with a balance of reasonable limits administered without shame or judgement are more likely to have a greater sense of agency which allows them to take reasonable risks and establish healthy relationships.
At the end of the day there is no perfect parent or perfect child. We can only do the best we can and take responsibility for the places that we need to improve.
I know Mother’s Day was a week ago, but this video is so wonderful. The Mother
Thank You!!!!
Wahhhh! The Sleepover has come and gone and now these sweeties are going to Kindergarten. The Sleepover was wonderful and sweet and lively. Thank you to all the parents who stepped up to create a special evening for the children and then stayed to make sure that the school was cleaned up and ready for action on Monday.
Thank you to the teachers for working so hard the past few weeks. Life has been big and your amazing teachers have really looked out for each other.
Thanks to Sarah E for looking out for the staff and bringing us breakfast for Teacher Appreciation.
Thank you to Amanda for working so hard on the budget and making sure our school is fiscally responsible.
Thank you to the new board for all the work they are about to do!
Big love to all the folks who turned up to work parties this weekend and to all the folks who showed up even when they didn’t need the hours.
Tips for Supporting Friendships!
It’s time to help your child establish friendships. Here are a few tips for this summer:
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Want your child to make friends - then model friendships yourself. Let your child see you supporting others, being helpful and mindful of others.
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Create a supportive story. Instead of interrogating your child about their day - which leads to negative accountings try: “Hey, I noticed you sat next to ____ at gate. He/she is so thoughtful.” or “_______ likes to paint rainbows too, maybe s/he would like to come over.” You could also try, who sat next to you when you ate today? Did you get to pick a book?” The details are less emotion packed and will more likely lead to more information about the people they notice. Also, it's a co-op. If you want to know how your child is doing at school, come on in and see for yourself!
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Have playdates. Invite friends or possible friends with similar interests and set the kids up for success by meeting at a neutral place for a short playdate. As trust builds you can go for longer periods at one another’s home.
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Practice at home. Get down on the floor and play with your child. Let them be in charge and create opportunities for eye contact and laughter.
For more ideas, check out this article:
Let's Be Friends
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