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Hello! I’m Emily Nadal, Death, Sex & Money’s new summer intern.
As a longtime listener of the show, this is an exciting opportunity for me and an interesting break from my regular job as a park ranger. In that job, I interpret some of our nation’s most important sites to visitors from all over the world, holding a metaphorical microphone up to them and seeking out parts of their histories that I can connect with as a storyteller. In many ways, that’s what happens here at DSM, except there is a real microphone being used (!). The results from both are chances for us to hear others' stories, and reflect on our own.
I just started my internship, yet I’m already appreciative of all the work that goes into producing an episode of the show. There is careful thought and consideration for every aspect of each piece, without taking away from the guest’s intent. It’s an interesting science and makes for some captivating work.
Everyone has a story and I am looking forward to exploring more of them, helping to piece them together and continuing to gain new perspectives through the art of radio.
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—Emily Nadal and the Death, Sex & Money team
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This Week on Death, Sex & Money
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Actor Alia Shawkat just turned 30, and she's got some questions about what's coming around the corner in this decade. So this week, she talks with Belgian-born psychotherapist Esther Perel about what that period of time was like in her life—when she had just moved to the U.S., gotten married, and was figuring out the "pleasure and the pride" of making it on her own financially. Plus, they talk about adult friendships, and why it's important to stay in touch with people from all the different decades of your life. Find the whole conversation in your podcast feeds now.
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Your Responses: Dating and Drinking
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Over the weekend on Instagram, we shared a reflection we got from a listener about how tricky it can be to date when you're sober. And that got a lot of you talking. A listener named Meg told us that she's in the same boat:
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"I am a 44-year-old single, widow, sober mom—how’s that for a dating app profile?!? I finally quit drinking almost four years ago after years and years of knowing I had a problem, but continuing to run from it. Being sober has brought lots of real 'work' on myself, and I’m at a place in life where I am mostly present, self-aware and feel like I know myself and what I want.
Through this work (it’s taken a while), I know I’m ready for a partner and love again! It's great to be at this point, clear-headed, stable with an open heart. But unfortunately I've only known dating with alcohol! Sometimes it feels still like a stigma on the first date, like saying I don't drink is some sort of weakness because it was/is a problem for me (when I'm actually getting comfortable with the fact that it is really a super power). A few guys have said, 'Really? Like not even a little bit?', or after weeks of dating, 'Are you still not drinking?' For a few, I knew my sobriety was a bit of a mirror for them and scared them a bit into thinking about their own alcohol use.
Dating is hard—especially later in life. As I type this, I am also realizing that it's pretty awesome that I've gotten to this point and know what I can and can't do and really who I am. The person I want to meet will be OK with me not drinking, and if they aren't, well then—they are not worthy of this super power."
—Meg, 44, NY
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But as a listener named Rosie told us, dating doesn't necessarily get less complicated if you really enjoy drinking:
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"A couple weeks back I went on a blind date with a guy and we met at a sports bar. We started with a drink, and as I deep dive into the wide selection, we naturally discuss what the other likes to drink. He said he isn't super into beer, wine, or spirits, but likes the occasional cider. This conversation continues and it turns out he's never had a taste for alcohol, and knows nothing about it! Now this wasn't the main focus of the date, of course, and we had a good time for the rest of the evening. However, when talking to my roommate about why I don't think I'll go on another date, the first point I brought up was that he doesn't regularly drink or have an interest in doing so. And at that moment, I felt a little ashamed...there was something about admitting that a main reason I'm not into someone was because they don't drink ENOUGH.
So with all of that, my question is: is it OK to for me to not want to be with someone because they don't drink alcohol as frequently as I do?"
—Rosie, 23, OR
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Listen to This: Audio We Love
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"I'm telling this story because I'm sick of people being surprised that Native Americans are still here." That comes from reporter Rebecca Nagle in the early minutes of her new show This Land, a true crime podcast that's kind of about two murders, but really about her people, the land they're from, and the thorny legal question of who it belongs to. In the first episode, Nagle traces the story of a 1999 homicide, and how the case's current Supreme Court appeal will determine the future of five Native tribes, and nearly half the land in Oklahoma.
And in the midst of our current maternity leave line up, we're thinking back to the folks who stepped in to guest host the last time Anna was out—like comedian Chris Gethard. Chris is no stranger to interviewing people on his own podcast, Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People. It has a simple concept—an anonymous stranger calls him and they talk, for one hour. Sometimes the conversations are light-hearted and fun, often they are heartfelt and honest, and Chris always finds a way to use his humor to connect to each caller. A good starting place is “Love is Everywhere,” in which a mother calls Chris while awaiting an update about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis.
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Next on Death, Sex & Money
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Mahershala Ali is an Oscar-winning actor today, but he got his start as a poet and rapper in the Bay Area. In our next episode, he sits down with another multi-hyphenate from the East Bay, poet-rapper-actor Rafael Casal, who recently made his own big screen debut in the film Blindspotting. "We put a movie out and everyone back home thinks I'm on," Rafael says. "And I'm like, that was an indie movie. I lost money." Hear their conversation about finances, creativity and jealousy in your podcast feed next week.
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The Anna countdown has begun...
...she's back at work in three weeks, folks!
New episodes that she's hosting are coming your way in July.
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