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Can it be re-kindled?
By Caroline
Most of us have experienced the loss of a friendship or a partnership in the past. It can happen in many ways, and it often hurts, but deep inside we know it was not serving us anymore. So, we grieve the loss and we move on. But what if a relationship had a chance to be re-kindled? What does it take to make it happen? Is it possible?
I’m here to say that it is possible! It takes the sincere desire to do so, a great deal of soul searching, an honest look at your responsibility in the story, and a lot of courage and time. But Isabelle and I did it!
We met as teenagers, and it was a “for life” friendship. We went through everything together … thick and thin, as they say. But over time, we stopped seeing eye to eye and just couldn’t stay connected … and, we drifted apart. It was too heavy for me, she was too complicated, and it was too much work. I felt justified … I was right and she was wrong ... it was easier that way.
Years later, however, she offered to sit down and discuss what had happened. It took much courage on her part to reach out, and I was touched. So, we did a great deal of talking and started to rebuild our friendship, step by step, cautiously. We looked at what had separated us, what responsibility we could each own, and what we wanted to create together. We took our time, and we rebuilt trust and respect and based it on a strong, healthy foundation. And, we just spent a wonderful week together to enjoy the reward of the last few years of work. We did it!
Below, Isabelle describes her side of this journey.
Caroline and I met during my difficult teenage years, and we became inseparable. It was the kind of friendship that felt so deep, almost magical, indestructible. When we discussed our futures, we always saw each other as a part of it. Years later, the magic started to fade. Our differences, and our opposing ways of being and thinking separated us. I closed myself up, surrounded with my frustration, my anger, my pain and my judgements. I felt there was no need to discuss anything with Caroline … she couldn't understand. I felt justified and better than her. It was safer that way. I was not about to question myself and look deeper.
During that time, even though we were no longer close, she remained steady and loyal, ready to accept me again, and willing to grow. It made me ponder... could I be wrong? I started to look inside. What could I own? What was my part in our friendship fading? And one day, I asked for a meeting. I apologized and explained how it had been for me and what I was struggling with at the time. Caroline said that it took enormous courage, but I think it was vital for me. She apologized for her part in return. We talked at length, designed what we wanted together, and then, slowly, carefully, began rebuilding our relationship. Today, we share a wonderful friendship again, in a deeper, healthier way. And I can't express how happy and fulfilled I feel about it.
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Thank you, Isabelle, for your amazing courage, your dedication and your belief in me. It took us time, but it was worth it. We started 40 years ago, and I am so happy to begin this new chapter with you :-)
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(En Francais aussi)
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