Special Needs Resources

What are the odds?
Turns out, completely unreliable

I am NOT a “type A” personality. When I take strengths and personality tests, I score ridiculously low on organization and detail-oriented work. (I do like lists though… I will put something I’ve already done on my to-do list, just so I can cross it off. Anyone with me?)

However, when it comes to scary or uncomfortable life situations, I just LOVE control and predictability. There are literally times when I’ve caught myself thinking that I should “Google” how something will turn out. A conversation, a major life decision, a transition, or even a relationship! I firmly believe that Google and duct tape are the answer to everything…. but they just can’t help me in this area. You’d better believe that I still try my hardest to put some sort of formula on life, though!

And then a couple of months ago I had a realization… and it was not a fun one. I realized that I often say “the likelihood of ______ happening is really low” (insert something scary in that blank), or “surely ________ will/won’t happen”. This brings me temporary solace but, bless my heart, I am constantly proven wrong. I’ve seen the most unlikely things happen in my life, both in pleasant ways and not-so-pleasant ways.

When I passed out while driving in the middle of rush hour on a 3-lane highway (don’t worry, I was sick; this is not a regular occurrence) and crossed all of those lanes unconscious, what are the chances that I wouldn’t touch another car and would stop mere feet from hitting the retaining wall? But I did.
When my husband had brain surgery for epilepsy last year and the chances were only 2% that he would have a brain bleed, who beat the odds and ended up in ICU? He did. (That’s my man!)
When I quit my teaching job without another job lined up, applied to 8 districts and got just one interview for a job that wasn’t a good fit, what were the chances that I’d end up with the perfect teaching position… without even interviewing for it! But I did.

These are extreme examples, but mini versions of this happen weekly, sometimes daily! Life is not science. Now, there are some things that are perfectly predictable – we don’t have to worry about whether or not gravity will function each day or if the sun will come up in the morning. But when we’re talking about circumstances and relationships, you can’t calculate the odds of something happening a certain way. Life is just too full of surprises and curve balls.

This realization rocked my world. If I can’t count on patterns and past experiences to predict what might happen, then what can I count on? I know that the “correct answer” as a follower of Jesus is to say “God has a plan and it’s good so I shouldn’t worry”. But I’ll be honest – sometimes I’m terrified of His plan! Sometimes His plan hurts. Sometimes His plan seems unfair or downright terrible. I love Jeremiah 29:11, but it’s much easier to believe when things are going well than when they suck (pardon my language… just being real). So, realistically, I spend a lot of time worrying and trying to predict things anyways… and all it does is make me miserable.

So daily I choose to strain my spiritual eyes to see the many, many times when He does unlikely things that don’t hurt, but instead show how much He cares for me, and how intimately involved He is in my life. (If you want to hear examples, I’ve got a million. Email me and I’ll be happy to share some.) And when I look for those, the undeniable Truth is that He delights in saying yes to me. I ask for the stupidest, most trivial things, and He says yes. A lot! So when I ask for something – big or small – and He says “no” or “not yet”, I try my hardest to believe that if His preference is to say “yes”, there must be a really good reason for Him to say “no”. Those “no’s” are still hard and sometimes I throw a full-blown tantrum. But ultimately, this viewpoint is the only one that truly makes sense to me.

Look, this is easier said than done. This is something that happens with tears and sweat and curse words. But it’s the only way I can explain life’s unpredictability that actually gives me lasting comfort and hope.

If you feel like the odds are against you in every way and worrying IS working for you, then by all means keep at it! But if nothing is changing anyway and you’re exhausted and unhappy, what do you have to lose in attempting something different? Look for the positive “coincidences” as much as the negative ones. And let me know how it goes!

Shannon Pugh

Director of Arise Special Needs Ministry
Irving Bible Church