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Margaret Crandall

Issue 95

Henry Rollins quote poster
My mom would have turned 78 this past Sunday. To celebrate (?) I did two things to take care of myself (because my mother gave exactly zero fucks about her own health): I went to the gym and then swiped right on a bunch of therapists on the Psychology Today site. OK not really but I did email 5 of them and wonder why someone hasn’t made an app for this stuff. It’s fun to think about, right? Let’s call it Shrinkr. Here’s our theme song.

(Photo of me looking angrily at phone)
Margaret, 47
.00001 miles away (IN YOUR LOBBY)
Active now
Do you need a new project? I’m a real fixer-upper with chronic resting bitch face, lack of self-confidence, and a whole cocktail of family issues despite having been given every possible advantage in life. I like long walks down Costco aisles, checking things off lists, and wondering what the fuck is happening to my neck in my late 40s.

(Photo of, well, basically Meryl Streep)
Meryl, 67
.00001 miles away (WITH ANOTHER CLIENT)
Last active 3 hours ago
Welcome to Midlife Trainwrecks. (I chose that name because it had good SEO and an available domain name.) I’ve devoted my life to helping other people because I’m a mental and emotional wreck myself, so it makes me feel better that at least I can help over-privileged whiny white women deal with their problems. Let me solve your daddy issues, tell you what you already know, and pass you a name-brand Kleenex while I nod and think about what to order from Postmates for lunch. I’m $260 a session, but if you buy a package of 10, it’s only $2599. (Those chairs in the lobby from 1988 aren’t going to pay for themselves.) I accept Venmo but LOL, not your insurance.

Jokes aside, I saw the first one yesterday and she was great. She even suggested that maaaaaybe my need to always push myself out of my comfort zone and try to do new shit is a result of having such incredibly high-achieving and successful parents who valued hard work above anything and everything else? And that (no maybe) I sound like a writer. Which is a very hard thing for me to accept – because I don’t know what that means, or what I’m supposed to do with that information.

Oh look, our time is up. See you next week?

 

Good stuff

 

For next week


Please keep sending me your recommendations! I’ve already received so many good ones but want to compile the biggest list possible for issue #100.

And, if you’ve been in therapy, I’d love to hear about how you found your therapist, if or how therapy helped or “fixed” you, and any other words of wisdom you might have for someone going back to it after a (counts fingers) 25-year break. As always, you can reply directly to this email, and anything I share will be anonymous.
 

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