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Weekly Relationship Reminder

Create a Relationship Vision


“If you don’t know where you’re going, you will wind up somewhere else.”

~ Yogi Berra
We are the creators of our own reality. Our ability to visualize a desired future is unique to being human and foundational to creating the life we want. Many of us intuitively understand that our brain interprets mental imagery as equivalent to real-life action. When we visualize our goals unfolding and feel the feelings, we are creating neural pathways that prime our mind and body to carry out actions consistent with what we imagine. 

What would it be like if you and your partner decided to be together and you never discussed things like children, how you express spiritual values, where you want to live, where and how often you want to travel, how you relate to money, and what you like to do for fun and to stay healthy? When we commit to being with someone, we assume that we’re on the same page only to find out later that we are not. So often we have unspoken yet clear ideas of what we want for our future. Perhaps one partner visualizes retiring in a small rural community while the other envisions retirement by the beach. Or perhaps one values and expects to spend quality time with his partner throughout the week, while the other may think that’s more appropriate for the weekends. In our practice, we guide most couples through a visualization to create a mutual relationship vision. Without one, all of us are bound to run into difficulties. 

A relationship vision creates a road-map for your lives together and gives direction to each decision and action that you make. We lead most of our couples through a couple’s visualization exercise created by Harville Hendrix. The exercise is based on the idea that visualization and intention are the two most valuable skills for creating change. The visualization process helps couples identify and work towards their goals and experience their desired reality.

Practice Co-Creating a Relationship Vision

Think of the following categories: being together, love and intimacy, spirituality, work, finances, communication, friends and family, and health. Then try this: 
  1. Under each category, individually, write down short sentences that describe your personal vision of the relationship you want. Write each sentence in the present tense, as if it were already happening. For example: “We have fun together”; “We are loving parents”; “We hug a lot”; “We respect each other”; “We rely on and trust each other.” Once you have finished creating your vision statements, read them out loud to each other, taking turns with alternating lines and mirroring back what your partner says.

  2. When all the items have been read and mirrored accurately, compare the two lists. Whenever you identify similar items, place a check mark next to the items that you both listed. It doesn’t matter if you use different words as long as the general idea is the same. If your partner has written anything that you agree with or do not object to but that you did not think of yourself, add it to your list as you go. Each of you then places a check mark next to it. If your partner has written items with which you do not agree, do not discuss them at this time. Draw a thick line below these items. Your differences are options for future dialogue.

  3. Combine the two separate visions, including all the agreed-upon items. When you have finished co-creating your mutual vision, read it out loud to each other, taking turns with alternating lines. This is a live document, so you can add or subtract anything you agree to. It’s not carved in stone.
As always, we would love to hear from you.

In-love,
Craig and Debbie
IT'S EASY TO FALL IN LOVE. STAYING IN LOVE TAKES WORK.

Craig Lambert and Debbie Seid are dedicated to helping couples rekindle their love, deepen their intimacy and strengthen communication. They have worked with hundreds of San Diego couples, helping them understand the often unconscious underpinnings of relationship conflict. Craig and Debbie offer premarital education to help couples prepare for the challenges and opportunities of married life, enriching the premarital stage and deepening their relationship, so both partners are even more excited to commit to each other for life. For more information about couples workshops, premarital education, and couples/marriage counseling, visit us online at CraigLambertTherapy.com.
Copyright © 2019 Lambert Couples Therapy, All rights reserved.
Craig Lambert, LCSW (License # LCS14003)


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