Assalammualaikum Ladies,
It's been a few weeks now since I got back from Singapore and (I knew this was gonna happen!) as usual, my homesickness has slowly started to crawl into my heart. I miss my parents a little bit more today, so I was looking through my photo gallery on my phone when I came across the picture above - my parents and I having tea on my last day in SG before I flew off. It was my treat, and I just wanted to take them somewhere nice so I can spend some quality time with them.
I smiled and chuckled looking at this photo because I was suddenly reminded of how my dad was shocked at the price of the meal, particularly the small plate of fries that I had ordered as I was craving it that day. He squealed when he saw the bill:
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When I was back in SG, I had an incredibly tight work schedule so I barely saw my parents. Which was why when I told my parents I wanted to spend time with them on my last day, they were extremely happy.
My parents are very simple people, and it takes very little to make them happy. They are also very selfless, and would do anything for me. My dad, especially, would spoil me, even though I'm now 32, a full-fledge adult and married. Whenever I'm back in SG without K, he'd always stay up to wait for me till I'm safely back home, even if it's past midnight. He'd always say, "Karim is not here, so Ayah is now responsible for you."
My heart. :(
But.... I on the other hand, is so selfish.
Because even when I wanted to do something for them, I still put my preference first, over theirs.
For instance, my parents insisted that I don't have to bring them anywhere fancy that day, as long as we can spend quality time together. My mom even sent me this:
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She placed my health first and wanted me ro rest, and didn't want to trouble me - but yet I insisted that they come all the way to the city to meet me so I can feel good about myself. I foolishly was thinking that I was being a good daughter :(
Today, I realised that I've been so incredibly self-centered that I was forcing my own likes and inclinations on to my own parents, even though I knew my parents would have been a lot more comfortable and happier just hanging out at home with me.
It made me question my own sincerity as a daughter, a wife, a sister and a friend - because I'm sure I've been guilty of doing "nice things" to only feed my ego instead of genuinely considering the feelings, comfort and happiness of the other party.
How many times have I bought clothes for K, not because I thought he'd actually like it, but because I thought it'd match this dress that I already have in my closet? Selfish.
How many times have I given my Sisters some face cream / body lotion not because I thought they'd really use it, but because there was a bulk promo? Selfish.
How many times have I set the date / time / location of a meetup with a friend, not because I was "taking initiative", but because I wanted our appointment to fit into my schedule? Selfish.
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I do, and I'm ashamed of myself.
Today, I learn that more than ever now, we must all try to love in the way the other person deserves and needs to be loved, and not the way we want to love. This is a reminder, first and foremost, to myself.
We need to understand the sheer gravity of claiming that we love someone, especially if we are saying we love that person for Allah's sake. Because, that's a claim with immense weight and gravity. When you say you love someone for Allah's sake, it means you cut yourself out of the equation altogether. Meaning your love for him / her is only to earn His pleasures, and whatever you sacrifice or give for that friendship or relationship is not because you want something in return, or to even be acknowledged or to be recognised, but purely, and solely to attain His Love.
And when you love someone for His sake, you will want the other party to be more at ease than you are, you wouldn't inconvenience them, and you'd love for him / her more than what you'd love for yourself.
When you love someone for Allah's sake, they are in your prayers, in secret, and you are always protecting their name and honour, even in their absence.
Loving someone for Allah's sake is the most purest and most selfless form of relationship, so when we profess that we love the other fisabilillah, our hearts should tremble in realization of the depth and profoundness of its meaning and implications.
I am nowhere close to saying with certainty that I love my parents, or anyone for that matter, purely for Allah's sake. My heart is still too flawed, and my nafs is still too occupied with the Self.
But I am grateful that Allah SWT, the only One who has loved, and will continue to love me despite my overwhelming shortcomings, has moved my heart today to have this retrospection. I am grateful that Allah, the All-Loving (al-Wadud) has guided me to this painful, but important, realisation that I shouldn't brazenly throw the word "love" around without understanding how pure, selfless and magnanimous, this feeling is.
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I still have so much to learn when it comes to love. So I will end my letter today with a dua. I pray that may Allah clean our hearts from selfishness, so that we will be worthy of love, and may He make us of those who are blessed and honoured enough to give and to receive a love that is purely for His sake, Amin.
x
A
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Here's a heads up that we will be closing the registration for AA Plus in 24 hours! We've already started this month's Class by Ustaz Mizi Wahid on "Overcoming Loneliness and Finding a Friend in Allah" buuuuuut it's never too late to join us now! (Best part about AA Plus is you dont have to worry about falling behind or starting late because all of the content stays up online for an indefinite period of time, just waiting for you to access it, whenever and wherever you have 10 minutes to spare!)
Also, if you join us now, you'd also have access to all of the past Classes / podcast episodes / AA Plus Love Letters and many, many more!
Here's what some of the Sisters who's on AA Plus are saying about it:
"A little late but I finally started on the lessons and MasyaAllah what perfect timing because it's perfect for my situation right now. Just yesterday I was moaning about my situation, crying and feeling miserable ... but what Aida said (in the Class) ... oh my it really hit me. Just from the 10 min lesson, I already feel so much better about everything and am already coming up with ways to take charge of my situation and not let it get me down." - Dia A.
"I FINALLY had the time to properly catch up with the lessons and Lessons 3 to 6 resonated well with the situation I was in, the past two weeks. It seems as if Allah SWT answered my prayers through the videos like nicely packaged gifts just for me." - Amal R.
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I really really hope to see you over at AA Plus, ladies! We'll be closing registration soon as we are almost reaching full capacity, so sign up below!
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