The Extraordinary Alchemy
of a Harry Styles Concert

As someone who spends her life working toward the goal of making adolescents feel accepted, included and loved, I think I have found the way forward: bottle up the exuberant energy at a Harry Styles concert and generously spritz it on youths everywhere. I swear this will make their adolescence just a little less painful and a lot more joyful.

I was working on this piece, but then nearly shelved it because, as luck would have it, Harry kissed my brother Nick full on the mouth for all attendees of the Venice Film Festival (the paparazzi, watchers of TikTok, scrollers of Instagram and perusers of The New York Post’s Page 6) to see. I thought: Nah, I can’t write about it now. But the goal of this piece – what we can learn from Harry’s concerts about making kids feel awesome – hasn’t changed, even if my personal version of 6-Degrees-of-Harry-Styles has…

I had the privilege of taking my 14-year-old daughter and her two oldest, dearest friends to Harry’s concert at Madison Square Garden in the days leading up to their start of 9th grade. To say everyone’s feelings were close to the surface that night is a gentle understatement. But as we entered MSG, all nerves about the coming year were forgotten, pushed aside by an atmosphere sparkling with a youthful optimism reflected in the glittered faces, hot pink feather boas and rainbow ensembles all around us. And then the music started, Harry bounced onto the stage in a red and pink, striped, sequin jumpsuit that I only wish I could pull off. The noise in the arena elevated to Beatles-mania-level, a sound created in the natural habitat of tens of thousands of young people pouring their adoring delirium out into the world. 

In between songs, Harry repeatedly thanked the crowd for being there and making it possible for him to entertain us all. He presented his drummer with a birthday cake, leading the crowd in a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday. Harry profusely recognized the talents of his bandmates throughout and in the climax of the night, he helped one audience member come out of the closet and another ask her boss for a raise. He encouraged us all to find joy and happiness amongst each other, which we did, buoyed by the optimism and love flowing from each of his intoxicating songs. We were indeed in Harry’s house and damn lucky to be there.

There was generosity of spirit that night in every corner of the massive arena – strangers taking photos of each other, complimenting outfits, letting them cut in line to the bathroom because they had to go. It felt like all of the joyfulness and warmth that had been sapped from the world over the past few years had come flooding back in a golden light. And the girls alongside me emanated unabashed jubilation, singing their hearts out to every single word, tears of joy shimmering on their long eyelashes, bodies dancing with abandon to song after song. They were enveloped in the collective embrace of adolescent elation. A kind of unselfconscious delight I had never witnessed amongst kids, even when I was a kid.

Harry exhorted the crowd to be kind, to be joyful, to be grateful for all that we could share in the couple of hours spent in each other’s company. As the night came to an ecstatic close, sweaty and exhausted, I watched ebullient adolescents (and lots of delighted middle aged folks) stream out of the concert, and wondered what adults could learn from the extraordinary alchemy of a Harry Styles concert. What special sauce can we include in our daily lives to give kids some of the triumphant glee found in this fleeting experience?

• A little (or a lot) of gratitude goes a long way. Harry’s thanks to any and all at the concert created a blanket of gratitude over the arena. For those who care for adolescents, we know that “thank you’s” can be thin on the ground. But he made it cool to be thankful, which hopefully inspired them to see its value. It certainly reminded me how much kids love to be thanked too.

• Singing and dancing is magical. The exultant rush of full-throated singing and unrestrained dancing amongst thousands of people can’t be duplicated at home or in a classroom or on the sports field, but we can capture some of the magic of letting our freak flags fly. That sense of rejoicing can be found in little moments of ordinary life – just crank up the speakers and recapture the thrill, if only for a minute.

• Joyful amazement can be found after it has (seemingly) been lost. During the past few years it felt like we might never regain the ability to feel jubilant, but Harry’s concert taught me that, even when life feels dark, we can refind our sense of euphoric celebration. We need to stay optimistic that the opportunity will come again.

• Everyone is welcome. The most important lesson I learned that night was the power of inclusivity – people of all shapes, sizes, colors, genders, and sexual orientations were together under one roof led by the lessons of Harry’s music and the example he set, that everyone, absolutely everyone, is welcome in Harry’s house. 

So while we may not all make it to a Harry Styles concert this year or ever, the lessons learned are universal. The extraordinary alchemy of a Harry Styles concert is actually, in the end, quite ordinary. Its magic tethered to all the daily things we try to teach kids: say thank you; don’t be afraid to sing and dance; hope is never lost; and everyone is welcome. 

Maybe we can find a place to feel good and we can treat people with kindness.

Yes sometimes that place is at a concert, but more often than not that place is inside of each of us, in our homes and our schools. Perhaps we just need to pull out the feather boas and glitter a little more often?