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Rabbi Akiva, one of the greatest Jewish sages, famously commented that "Love your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus 19:18)" is "the most foundational principle in Torah."
But not everyone agreed with him. His student and colleague, Shimon Ben Azai, argued that the most important verse was the passage in Genesis that describes the inherent worth of every human being as created in the Divine image: “in the likeness of God He created him (Genesis 5:1)”. In this view, respecting your neighbor, as a reflection of the Divine image, is more important than loving them.
The limits of Rabbi Akiva’s position actually played out in his lifetime. Between Passover and Shavuot every year is a period of national mourning (we don't have weddings, haircuts, etc.) to commemorate the tragic death of 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva. Tradition has it that the spiritual cause of this calamity was the lack of respect that the students had for one another. Imagine that: The students of Rabbi Akiva, the archetype of love for each person, had such disrespect for each other as to be deserving of paranormal punishment.
Loving someone doesn't always lead to respecting or tolerating them. In fact, the opposite can be true. We each see things our own way and often can't appreciate that someone else may have a different, and equally valid, approach. Loving each person like yourself can lead you to project your feelings and experiences on them and want them to fit your vision for them. Rabbi Akiva's students felt so strongly for their convictions and loved their colleagues so deeply that they wanted them to see things the "right way", i.e. their way.
I've noticed this a lot as a parent. When I have a way of thinking about something or doing something, I want my children to follow the way I do it and envision them following the path that I pave for them. My loving instinct is to try to fit them into the mold I envision for them, for their benefit of course. But my children don't always think like me. They are their own people and have their own personalities and ideas.
Herein lies Ben Azai's profound addition. Besides loving each person, you have to also respect them. Every human being is created in G-d's image and is deserving of profound respect. Respecting their infinite value as a reflection of the Divine image leads to appreciating them for who they are and for what they bring to the table.
When interacting with my children, I have to keep reminding myself of Ben Azai's principle: they too are created in G-d's image, and I have to respect their unique personalities and perspectives.
Rabbi Akiva's and Ben Azai's views are not mutually exclusive. We can, and should, love every person while also respecting them. My role as a parent is to lovingly nurture my children's distinctive personas in the best possible direction. Each of our roles as members of society is to lovingly go out of our way to do everything for another person while respectfully listening to them about what their needs are.
May our love and respect undo the tragedy of this time period and transform the mourning to joy with Moshiach.
by Menashe Wolf
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