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Q. What did the invisible man say on this first day as teacher? 
A. Am I making myself clear? 
 
MUM NEWS
☁️🌈  ☁️  🌈  ☁️  🌈  ☁️


 
  • We got the NDIS. 
 
  • The bad news is Mum has rheumatoid arthritis. The good news is the treatments for it have gone well over the last three years. She's walking better than ever. We recently managed the whole length of the Fern Glade track to the picnic area. (She had her walker, but two years ago i was pushing her in the chair!)
 
  • My childhood has been renovated a lot lately. Whoops, I meant to write childhood home - but you know what I mean. Housing have replaced the original iconic square light fittings with impossibly bright LED ones. 

    The entire kitchen has been replaced and modernised. In its stripped back state we were able to catch a glimpse of the 'retro 60s' iteration of the flat - ie original orange wallpaper with cartoon mushroom motif! (Everything is plain white now because risk aversion is having a moment). 
 
  • It's an interesting twist that after completing the first run of Get Up Mum shows the unit looks less and less like my childhood home each time I go there. 
 
  • Having said that - my childhood bedroom still has the glow-in-the-dark stars and planets I put up in 1993. They glow very bright. Someone pointed out that they might be slightly radioactive. I am sure this is fine. 
 
  • Mum doesn't like the song Black Velvet by Alannah Myles. She also doesn't like The Eagles' Heartache Tonight even though she likes their other songs. Both tracks have a similar tempo and heavy bottom end. 
 
  • A) I'm ever intrigued by individual songs Mum doesn't like. B) These are the kind of insights that would never come up in phone conversation but only reveal themselves when you spend enough time with a person.

    Trivial rewards that are cashed for gold
    (when you've lost as much as we have). 
 
☀️  🌙  ☀️  

 
✨ Happy 2️⃣ 0️⃣ years of The Bedroom Philosopher!
Can you believe it was 2002 that I started my segment on Triple J’s Morning Show? (Are ya sick of me yet?) 🤓
Well, I’ll be celebrating all this month by posting the original trax, classic pix and a lil' origins doco Friday.
That's on FB or Twitter.
There’ll be competitions, giveaways and infinite Golden Gaytimes in the collective memory of your favourite melodies. 🎵
🛌 Thanks Pooglet! 🎸
Please enjoy this off-license j-file of how it went down.


j's art nenews

brought to you by Gary Enniss Saw & Blade Sharpening
 
  • Oh I don't know. Me, again, really? Advanced stuff and things. HR Puff n Stuff and esoteric happenstance. I reworked Grug and Hamilton into a cis-species musical about first nation megafauna. I held a seance for passed away school children from Triabunna and spelled out my latest instructional pamphlet 'how to fix a broken heart.' I made a waterslide with some digital natives in Frankston and we learned how to stop cars using only a toilet roll and matchstick after watching too much MacGvyer on a wet day. 

    I turned my calculator upside down and accidentally came up with a mental health algorithm which intuitively drops memes gleaned from Carl Jung and other therapy guns at just the time you are tipping into the negative of your self-esteem (approx 14 mins into another needling slide through your ex's children and frenemies breakfasts). 
     
  • I am pioneering a special communicative breakdance technique which will help the illegitimate children of nuns and accidental child soldiers who were babysat in 1960s West Papua to communicate their climate anxiety in a safe space. The space is inside a bouncy castle that has been specially designed by promotional partners durex with (and here's the best part) hi-vis colouring and design courtesy of Stabilo Boss. 
     
  • I got paid a lot of money from the Burnie City Council to brighten up Round Hill. They said "justin, mate, go buy a sh^%load of green paint from mitre 10 and grab a bunch of 'greencorps' dudes and go like the clappers slapping a new coat of beautification all over those appalling divots and scars and beige rock nothingness. Honestly mate, we've got peer reviewed studies that show looking at round hill for too long has led to poor mental health outcomes for most of our constituents since the early 1980s, especially Greg and Sam and Towny and Cooko. Have at it mate."
     
  • A seagull flew off with the money order so the project won't be going ahead.
     
  • I'm starting a new mental health initiative 'r u ok justin' day. It's an annual event in which everyone I've ever met in my entire life texts me to ask if I'm alright. Binge concern in the form of an appallingly reductive leading question will shock my self-indulgence back into a workmanlike, agreeable even keel. 
  • I am currently being sued by 'r u ok' day organisers. Their lawyers sent me a letter that simply read: "u r not ok."
  • don't shoot the messenger
  • Burnie wikipedia entry's 'notable people' #2 listing ten years running BOOYOW! 
- humblebrag of the day
JUSTIN'S SUPER FUN MOVIE AND TV RECOMMENDATIONS:

BROUGHT TO YOU BY COOKIES & CREAM. (Not the icecream variety but the little known partnership between Syd Heylen from A Country Practice and Eric Clapton in the 70s)
 
      0. Coda and Val were good films / documentaries, respectively. I caught a bootlegged camrip of the Top Gun 2 trailer on myspace and was able to deduce that Giorgio Moroder and Bruce Springsteen are teaming up with a hologram of Ric Ocasek to knock out a two-chord synth ballad taking the best elements of Take My Breath Away, Drive and Streets Of Philadelphia. 
  1. Did I mention that Wheel Of Time is a great show? I'll definitely mention one of four current celebrity crushes which is Rosamund Pike. She's really good in Barney's Version which was on World Movies recently.
    (Other celebrity crushes involve at least two SBS newsreaders.)

    Anyway, I had to stop watching Game of Thrones (in season 5) because it was too violent and nasty for my aesthetics. Actually it was that scene where the girl is blind and the other girl keeps hitting her with a stick. That was the scene where I turned it off! And I never came back. And, if several reports from quips observed on dating profiles are anything to go by, I got out while the going was good because season 7 was a sh%%show. Poorly lit fight scenes not showing up on hi-def televisions or some other first world problem. 

    Anyway, Wheel of Time is an excellent fantasy adventure the whole smug arty couple can enjoy without too much ridiculous violence or viscerally 'stabby' sound design which traumatises poor Justin because he has to watch with his noise cancelling headphones on because the mean lady is vaccuming upstairs or stomping around in her horrible pointy shoes.
     
  2. It was a great week for Jenny Morris fans as r a g e had their 'Kiwi Special.' I reckon I caught three separate airings of Break In The Weather in a single week! Mate I haven't been that happy since it charted in grade five. 

    My conclusions:
    A) It's a really quirky music video.
    B) The prechorus drum break is surprisingly phat.
    C) Jenny is smoking. 

    If you are interested in other excellent pop songs from New Zealand that I dug from the special then, sure:
     
KOO DE TAH - Too Young For Promises (too old for spotify!)
HEADLESS CHICKENS - Cruise Control
PATEA MAORI CLUB Poi E - (the song they dance to at the end of Taika Waititi's Boy and subject of the 2016 doco Poi E: The Story of Our Song).
DAVE DOBBINS - Slice Of Heaven - Naturally. Best of all time. I watch it just for that scene where The Dog is on the conveyer belt and being hassled by The Murphy's dogs and has to jump across the buzzsaw gap BLIND. Mate, if you ever wanted to know how I feel every time I send out one of these, look no further. 

ps Apparently Jimmy Barnes recorded Slice of Heaven!


break in le weather (trying to take le breath)
take it away baby doll head orchestra ensemble...

gonna have a ball tonight
down at the globe
(Big Ulverstone Dynamite)
 
Buy me a Voltron helmet as a going away present.

         (Where am I going?)

EMAIL SEGMENT  
🤖

From Paula, Adelaide. 

"Great email Justin. First of all, if I had a 3d machine, id make those rings from the Olympics with the boxing kangaroo matilda.

I was watching a really old Ben folds five video (underground) on recovery and for some reason you crossed my mind."

🤖

From Romy, Melbourne. 

"Justin, I always enjoy reading these, but actually maroon, with white text is very difficult to read. Was this on purpose? It hurt my eyes."



Hope you're well, as can be, in these times.

(Oh wait, as in Romy said that last line to me. I wasn't about to pilfer the credit for a fellow Voiceworks alumni's earnest work. That would be a situation as shockingly unjust as the commentary during Channel 7's coverage of the Winter Olympics.

FULLY SICK! HECTIC, etc

Mate if I wanted to hear millennial snowboarders freestyle over grammar I'd go back to my recordings of the skaters at Hellyer College. 🤖
 
I SAY, MAN, WHAT THE DICKENS IS GOING ON, (MAN?) 
Birthmark '22 - rerelease / remix of first album as Phonze!
Forward March Forward March
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JH.com
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A series of photos that bear little to no relation to your emotional understanding of the world or loved ones.
A series of photos that bear little to no relation to your emotional understanding of the world or loved ones.
"depress conference" - justin's latest tell-all thingemijig


Flummoxed? Crestfallen? Quietly off chops?

Mouthwash, jukebox, gasoline.
 
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Justin Heazlewood // The Bedroom Philosopher · 11 Knock Knock Drive · Cassingle, Northern Territory 0820 · Australia

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