As a society of human beans, we are only as good as our weakest link.

It is only through the social pressures of the collective stink eye that we'll be able to eradicate certain behavior from our peers, and I think we should focus our energy on the BIG FIVE that I have outlined below.

Top 5 Things That We HAVE TO STOP:

1. STOP leaving the shopping cart in an empty parking space.
Seriously, they have their own cart-parking spot with the metal bars that go all around..why not just wheel it the seven steps instead of dumping your cart in the empty space beside you? I asked a priest and he said that the unofficial 11th commandment is: Thou Shall Not Leave Your Cart.

2. STOP with the hard seltzers already.
Have we entered another dimension where companies thought they heard us say "for the love of Steve, if only there were MORE hard seltzer options then we could finally have world peace!" because tbh, that is what it is starting to feel like. 

This video by Please Don't Destroy really sums it up perfectly and I have nothing more to add on this subject.

3. STOP trying to log into my Netflix account and when Netflix says "there are too many users on this profile" then texting me saying "can you log off? We want to watch a movie."
This is really just meant for my brother & sister-in-law to see. Next slide, please.

4. STOP pretending like you don't care about celebrity gossip.
You secretly love that Pete is in a feud with Kanye over Kim. Why hide it?

5. STOP standing up as soon as the plane lands.
There is an order to things, and if you are in Row-Anything-But-A, keep it in the seat until it's your turn.

Now I don't want to be a negative Nancy, so I have also drafted a Things we have to START doing list.

1. START putting out more bird feeders.
I recently purchased a "how to get more birds in your yard" book and it turns out that bird feeders are a serious commitment. You can't just post and ghost these beings..meaning you can't just put out some food one time and then call it quits. You need to make a commitment to feed these birds in sickness and in health, and in return, you will get to see tons of weird little birdy creatures all over your yard. #joy

2. START using a different kind of olive oil for making dressings vs heating in the pan.
Yall gotta reach out to my gal Sue over at Leaning Ladder for the full gossip on this one, BUT I can tell you that I prefer a lighter olive oil with a higher smoke point for frying and sautéing while I like a more full-bodied and richer olive oil for dressings and dipping.

3. START waving at random babies.
This can be hit or miss. Some babies will not like it..but there will be some babies that are absolutely thrilled..and those are the babies we do this for! Get out there and start waving at babies, you nut case! It's a total thrill ride.

4. START to learn a new skill.
Many people pretended to learn a new skill during the pandemic, but if they are honest with themselves..they really didn't learn Spanish..more like they just learned how to say "una mas cerveza, por favor."

Why not actually commit to learning something new..like learning how to make Super Flaky Pie Crust in my next Hands-on Pie Dough Class? It's a total hoot, and you'll walk away with lots of knowledge and literal pie dough.

5. START complimenting strangers.
Not in a creepy way. Let me say it again..NOT IN A CREEPY WAY, JENNIFER! Give sincere compliments about things people want to be complimented on. Ex: You have a nice smile. Your hair looks so cute. Ex of what not to say: I like your teeth. Your hair looks sexy. Subtle, but different.

Don't be shy -- feel free to hit "reply" and let me know what things you think we need to drop + add as a society to make this big rotating globe even better.

What great earlobes you have,
Lauren
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