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What do Bill Gates, Lady Gaga, and I have in common?
Dear <<First Name>>,
What do Bill Gates, Lady Gaga, the Bidens, tons of Olympic athletes, and I (and some of you!) have in common?
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We are all fans of the American family drama television series and NBC TV ratings hit, This is Us. In this pic, Lady Gaga is going gaga for the cast as they head to the stage to collect the SAG Award, which joins the Emmy, Critic's Choice, GLAAD, NAACP, People's Choice, and MTV Awards it has won.
The show centers on several generations of the unique yet relatable Pearson family. On Tuesday, we say goodbye to the Pearsons as This is Us airs its series finale, the long-anticipated close to the show’s six year arc.
Dear Good People: This is Us
My husband and I have watched and loved the show since the beginning. It is the only TV show that is noted in our family calendar. Now, as it ends, I realize that it was not only a great show, but also the kind of show that gives us practice as some key inclusion skills.
(I promise: no spoilers ahead and no need to have ever watched/liked the show).
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Low Lows and High Highs
First, to set the record straight. Some folks like to call it “This is Sad” or refer to its Tuesday night time slot as “Tissue Tuesday.” No doubt, I have ugly cried myself to sleep some Tuesday nights.
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The show is so known for making us feel things that Entertainment Weekly had the cast film a parody public service announcement that begins with “a big apology” for “doubling your Kleenex budget” and then segways into a non-apology where the cast declares that they “won’t apologize for making you feel things.”
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But what gets discussed not-enough are the This is Joy moments on the show. The highs are as high as the lows are low. It is a show that lets us feel all the feelings. It is sometimes referred to as a “dramedy” - which is both my new favorite word and favorite TV genre.
Okay, that sets the stage. Now, let’s get to the 6 ways This is Us helps us practice inclusion skills.
Letting tears fall
Fighting for change is hard, frustrating work. In past issues, I have talked about how joy is essential to the pursuit of justice. So is sadness.
Research shows that a good cry has surprising benefits for our mood, sleep, ability to relax, oxytocin and endorphin levels,and support system Yet, we often try to suppress our tears.
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Sharing a “big collective ugly cry”
This article in scary mommy captured the benefits of crying with others. Research backs it up. When groups of people experience emotions together, it is known as “collective emotions” and one scholar describes collective emotions as “the glue” of group solidarity. At a time of division, millions of fans watch and cry as an "us.”
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Exploring real issues
The show has tackled tough issues: depression, anxiety, PTSD, body shaming, eating disorders, alcoholism, infertility, trans-racial adoption trauma, pregnancy loss, coming out, disordered eating, friction in blended families, racism, divorce, ableism, Alzheimer’s, death of a parent, drug addiction, and yes, the pandemic.
Some viewers encounter these issues in the lives of people they care about for the first time through the show (the Pearsons are as real as they come for many of us). Research by Betsy Levy Paluck and others shows that even fictional narratives can influence people’s real-world behaviors. Conversation in the show's facebook fan group reveal that the show often strikes a raw and realistic nerve (as seen in the screen shot below). Polarizing issues are humanized.
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Demonstrating why representation matters
Historically, the writer’s rooms of television shows have been highly homogenous. This trend began to shift about ten years ago, though the voices and experiences of straight white men under 55 are still significantly overrepresented in the tv shows we watch.
Because the show's creator Dan Fogelman is a straight white man under 55, he and his fellow white show runners made an intentional effort to build a diverse writer's room along the lines of race, gender, age and body type, all of which are important to the plot of the show. They explicitly overweight the input of writers whose lived experience relates to a particular episode. As a result, the show is often lauded for its creativity, quality, realism and relatability.
These intentional efforts to create a writer's room that is both diverse (who is in the room) and inclusive (who is listened to in the room) reminds me of the work of the late great scholar Kathy Phillips. Her scholarship shows the performance benefits of diversity on performance and creativity, as long as an inclusive culture unlocks those benefits.
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Reminding us that people are full of surprises
Those fabulous writers like to play with the viewers' preconceived notions. As storytellers, they use the element of surprise often, revealing layers to a character’s personality and back story. Often, people are not what we believed them to be. Stereotypes are, by definition, preconceived notions. This is Us challenges our reliance on those stereotypes. (Here are a few of the show’s doozy surprises; this article contains spoilers so click with care).
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Bearing witness
When a colleague, friend, or family member tells us that they think they are being stereotyped or discriminated against, many of us are uncomfortable. We try to change the subject, withdraw from the situation, solve the problem, crack a joke, or convince the other person their emotions are overblown. None of these responses address what the individual situations are calling for - to be seen and to be understood. In 2018, I wrote about the importance of learning how to bear witness and sit with the pain of another in this Forbes article. This Is Us gives us practice doing just this.
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For those new to the show
Maybe my 6 ways This is Us helps us practice inclusion skills has got you curious about the show. Great! Some important viewing advice. I often multi-task while watching TV or just watch when my schedule allows. That does not work with this show. It is all or nothing, for reasons that will make more sense after you watch a couple of episodes.
Be sure to start from the first episode, avoid skipping episodes, avoid multi-tasking as the visual storytelling plays an important role, and always watch to the very last second of every episode. Otherwise, you will miss things and wonder what all the fanfare and fuss is about.
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Meet My Agent!
Thanks for indulging my super-fandom! Switching over to book-land, I would love to introduce you to some of the folks central to the publishing process.
Today, we begin with my rock star literary agent. Before writing a book, I had no idea what a literary agent was. Agents represent authors and are central to publishing a book with a major publishing company.
I met the phenomenal Leila Campoli on my birthday in 2016. Leila “got” me and what I wanted to do in my first book … and again, with my upcoming second book. She pitches my ideas to publishers, negotiates contracts, advocates for my vision, comforts me, celebrates with me, encourages me to dream big, and so much more. After working together for six years, I think meeting Leila was the best birthday present ever!
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In the picture above, Leila and are on zoom looking at and discussing the "advance reader's copy" (basically, a rough mockup) of my next book, about six months in advance of the book's upcoming release (October 18, 2022).
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Stay tuned this summer for more peeks behind the scenes of A More Just Future (and pre-order now to help the publisher plan the printing run)!
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Share Far and Wide
I love connecting with Dear Good People readers so please feel free to click the icons below to send me a note. As always, my goal is to give you bite-sized, evidence-based, action-oriented, zeitgeisty tips on how to be more inclusive (check out past issues here). My hope is for this free, accessible content to reach as many hearts and minds as possible ... do forward, post, tweet the newsletter - links are below. If this was forwarded to you by someone, you can sign up below for a free subscription. No spam, no sharing your info, I promise.
Thanks for growing with me,
 
This month's artwork credits from top: Katie Sutton (logo), Jeana Marinelli (books), popsugar.co.uk (Lady Gaga and cast), NBC(Promo Poster), Charnjit Singh (Dolly Chugh), Entertainment Weekly (This Is Us PSA) , Dear Good People Newsletter (No Justice, No Joy), Canva Pro (Spilled Glue), Facebook (This is Us Spoiler Fan Page), IMDb (Headshots of This is Us Writers), Vulture (This is Us), Forbes (Article by Dolly Chugh), Dolly Chugh (Leila Campoli).
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