Loving who you are, as you are, is a practice that requires grace, compassion and humor.
Happy Thursday Friend,
I hope this moment finds you well. What is one trait you have that you feel proud of? If you’re up to it, write it down, put it in your notes on your phone. Create a list of reminders of why you are amazing exactly as you are – unapologetically you.
In this week’s feature, I share about the benefits of being unapologetic in all the ways you are you. I hope it’s timely.
In this Week’s Featured Article (it's also posted below): Be Unapologetically Who You Are, I share 3 strategies to let go of guilt and instead be unapologetically who you are. If you’d rather view/listen to this week’s feature, you can access that by going to this week's Happiness Video (also posted below).
However the week unfolds Friend, may you see how amazing you are as you are, and love the life you are in.
Helpful resources to enhance well-being and create lasting healthy habits.
As one of Thrive Global’s Editors-at-large and contributing writers, I’m grateful to share some of the habits and small steps I take to feel my best, along with the wonderful Thrive community. In this short piece, ‘How to Regain Focus After Taking Time Off’, we share some of the small steps we take to regain our focus and get back into “work mode.”
Would you like to feel aligned in a life you love? Come check out my 'Fall in Love With Your Life, One Week at a Time' book, or explore the different E-Course offerings on my Love Your Life School. These resources are themed around creating new habits that will help you ride the storms of life feeling your best and re-setting when you fall off course (as we all do). It's not about feeling good all the time, it's about building your inner resourcefulness so you know you can and will journey through whatever life brings.
How many times in a week do you replay in your mind, things you’ve said, or conversations you’ve had? Do you sometimes replay these same conversations aloud with others?
How often do you second-guess yourself? Do you find yourself wondering how you are perceived, or how your intentions might be misunderstood by others?
If any of this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone.
Brené Brown, PhD LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston. For the last two decades, she has studied courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. In her book Daring Greatly Brené says:
“Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
It can be a heavy burden to worry and care too much about what other people may or may not think.
I’m grateful for the repeat lesson that anytime I find myself shrinking or apologizing for who I am, I know I’m operating from a wounded place of feeling like I’m not enough.
Whether we realize it or not, walking around wounded in the belief we aren’t enough is an endless loop that traps us in unhappiness.
When our self-worth is tied up in our actions and relationships, we never get the feeling we are okay exactly as we are. Our worth becomes dependent on external forces.
In an effort to break free from the trap, it’s essential to nurture our wounds and allow our true selves to take the lead.
We have to be okay being more of who we are in all of our darkness and light.
Loving who we are, as we are, is a practice that requires grace, compassion and humor. Think of it as a step-by-step way to approach the day.
Here are 3 strategies I turn to when I need an added reminder to be unapologetically who I am. If these practices resonate, give them a try.
1. Replace Guilt with Love
Guilt will always knock us off course. When our actions stem from guilt, we aren’t being true to ourselves. Acting out of guilt, also sends mixed signals to the people we are in relationship with. Guilt leads to people-pleasing behavior, martyrdom and feeling like our tank is always on empty. It’s challenging to be unapologetically who we are if we feel like we “should” be a certain way around others.
I was blessed to have my grandmother in my life until she was ninety-four. After my grandfather passed, we made the decision as a family to help my grandma settle in to a care facility. It wasn’t easy. It was especially hard on my mom. I felt a sense of guilt that I couldn’t be there with my grandma more. Being in the throes of raising a family, running a business and the added challenge of a global pandemic, meant I couldn’t be there as often as I wanted.
So how did I replace guilt with love and show up unapologetically as myself in this situation?
My main priority was to show up, express my love and be present with my grandma while I had that gift. Instead of feeling bad and inviting feelings of guilt into our visit, I made the most of every minute of our time together. Whether it was bringing her cookies, watching a ball game together or bringing in my little dog for a visit, our ordinary moments were quite extraordinary because they were filled with love.
An act of love extinguishes the power of guilt.
Instead of worrying about how you should show up, show up from a place of love. Love always paves the path to authenticity.
2. Don’t take on Pushy People’s Agendas
Sometimes you’ll come across people in your inner and outer social circles who are pushy. These pushy people are fantastic teachers, especially if you have a hard time holding boundaries. Until you practice healthy boundaries, they will continue to show up in all of their pushiness. You’ll keep drawing in these same people, or similar people, who are quick to make demands and requests of your time, energy and light.
These pushy peeps often become trigger people and teachers. They become teachers because we can use how we feel when we’re around them, and how we react to them, as a barometer for how centered we are in our truth.
Instead of shrinking, overreacting, or caving in the presence of pushy people, practice how it feels to not take on their agenda as your own. It’s okay to say no, it doesn’t change who you are.
We can disagree without being disagreeable. Pushy people are often acting out of a wounded place, so don’t personalize their behavior. Send them love instead.
