Dear Pleo: We are wanting a better school year

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Compassionate answers for parents of children struggling with mental health challenges, and for those who support them.

"My son will be starting a new school in September, and I am both hopeful and afraid."

Dear Pleo,

Last year at school was extremely difficult for my son – he struggled with controlling his emotions and following rules in the classroom. The teacher did not know how to manage his numerous behaviours and he was constantly being removed from the classroom or sent to the office.

I felt like my son’s teacher viewed him as a “troublemaker” and she did not understand him or his challenges. I feel many of the problems could have been easily managed or avoided completely if the teacher had told me about his struggles in the classroom earlier. Communication between us was almost nonexistent and the few times we did speak, I felt like the teacher dismissed my ideas and suggestions and was unwilling to work with me.

My son will be starting a new school in September, and I am both hopeful and afraid. I am hopeful this will be a fresh start for him and at the same time afraid we will both face the same challenges this year. What can I do to avoid a repeat of last year? How do I get the teacher to communicate with me? Are there steps I can take or things I can do differently this year?

Signed
Wanting a Better School Year

Dear Wanting a Better School Year,

It sounds like your son experienced a difficult year in the classroom and you experienced a breakdown in communication with his teacher. The mixed emotions you are feeling about the upcoming school year are completely understandable - hopeful for the fresh start and fearful for a repeat of last year.
Navigating the school system and trying to communicate with teachers can be challenging and leave you feeling frustrated, and unheard. As a parent, we want to do all we can to help our child succeed in the classroom. A great starting place is to establish a solid foundation of open communication with your child’s teacher. Below are strategies you can utilize to help set the tone for a successful year at school.

Reaching out to school office in August
Starting a new school can be stressful and scary for both children and parents alike. I suggest reaching out to the office in August when they open to request a meeting with the principal and/or vice principal to introduce yourself and your child. At this meeting, share with the principal any mental health and/or behaviour challenges your child experiences and ask what supports their school has that they can put in place to help your child. Share with the principal what support and strategies worked best for you child in their previous school, what you have seen work at home, and what did not/does not work for your child. Ask if it is possible for your child to meet their classroom teacher before the start of school. Giving your child a chance to visit the new school, meet their new teacher ahead of time, and spend a few minutes in their new classroom can help reduce their anxiety and ease transition into the new school.

Opening and establishing a line of communication
Many parents wonder when the right time is to connect with the new teacher to discuss their child. I recommend waiting about one to two weeks after school begins – this will allow your child a chance to get settled in the classroom and become familiar with classroom rules and routines as well as give your child and teacher a chance to become better acquainted with each other. After this time, contact the teacher to request a meeting with them. Use this meeting to ask the teacher how your child is doing in the classroom and if there are any areas of concern. It is important to identify early any challenges so that you can offer your support. You can discuss with the teacher any past problems or struggles your child experienced in the classroom and share with them what worked and what did not work. Having this meeting will let your child’s teacher know that you want to work in partnership and collaboration with them and are there to support them and your child in any way that you can to help foster a successful school year.

Sharing information about your child’s mental health and/or behaviour challenges with the new teacher
One way to share this essential information and ensure that the teacher has a hard copy of it at their fingertips is to create an “All about me” binder (0.5 “ size) or letter.

This binder/letter can include information such as:

A brief description of your child’s diagnosis and/or challenges
Your child’s strengths – both academic and personal
Things your child loves/what is important to them
What works for your child – share strategies used to help your child navigate learning and personal challenges
What triggers your child and what does this look like?
How to best support your child when triggered
What does not work for your child
Safety issues/concerns

This binder/letter is a way to communicate the key messages of needs and strategies from your wealth of expertise on your child. The “All About Me” binder or letter can be kept in a teacher’s desk and be easily accessed by them and other staff such as a substitute teacher. Some teachers may choose to return it to you after they have read it.
Resources and templates for creating “All About Me” binder/letter:
https://www.growinghandsonkids.com/all-about-me-editable-worksheet.html
https://www.thriftymommastips.com/how-to-write-an-all-about-me-book-for-your-special-needs-child/

Communicating with the teacher throughout the school year
Once you have established a line of communication, it is important to find a way to keep the dialogue with the teacher going throughout the school year. Regular communication can help build a relationship between you and the teacher and help pave a path to success in the classroom for your child. An ongoing dialogue ensures any concerns or behaviours are addressed quickly and creates a space for you, the parent, to share information with the teacher about situations at home that may impact classroom learning.

One thing to be mindful of is your idea of communicating may differ from the teacher’s. To ensure you are both on the same page, I suggest defining what communication looks like for both of you, setting expectations around frequency of sharing information, and agreeing on the best method to do so. Some parents and teachers find sending a communication notebook or folder back and forth daily the best way to communicate while others prefer sending an email. If your child has a student planner, this can be another way for you and the teacher to send valuable information back and forth. One thing to consider if using a student planner, your child will be able to read what is written including any sensitive or confidential information that you may not want them privy to. In these circumstances, you or the teacher may want to use another form of communication (e.g., email) to discuss this information.
If you are still struggling with communicating with your child’s teacher, you can connect with one of our Family Peer Supporters by calling our Helpline.
We are open Monday to Friday 9am-7pm. You can reach us at 613 321 3211 or 855 775 7005 (toll free).

For more detailed information on navigating the education system, Pleo has written a pamphlet called Navigating the Education System When Your Child Has Mental Health Challenges. If you feel you could benefit from professional counselling support through this time, you can access this through CounsellingConnect.

*We serve all of Ontario. Whether you live in Ottawa, or elsewhere in Ontario, we are here to help you find the best resources for your individual needs. Please contact our Family Peer Supporters so that we can provide you with links to additional resources specific to your situation. We are all parents who have lived experience supporting a child or youth with a mental health challenge.

You do not have to go through this alone.

Sincerely,
Pleo Family Peer Supporter

Dear Pleo is a project developed and written by our team of Family Peer Supporters

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