Two days ago, I was checking my e-mail and one of the subject lines jumped off my screen. Interview Request From NBC News. It was the real deal, Fernando Hurtado, a reporter for NBC was doing a story on the anxiety many people are experiencing when returning to “normal” post lockdown life. My first reaction was excitement. Yes, I thought, I want to do this! But as I began writing a reply, my perfectionism started to take hold. In an interview with this big news organization, I have to appear confident, I have to say all the right things, and I can’t make any mistakes! Now I felt so anxious that I was wasn’t sure that I wanted to do the interview.
True Values Defined
Then I remembered to check in with my values. I asked myself, Why would I want to do this interview? To prove myself? Impress other people? But those didn’t ring true. The motive I had for doing the interview was to share what I know about anxiety, and help people get back to normal, to live life more fully. Knowing my real motivation gave me confidence, and perspective on how to proceed. I spent about an hour outlining my thoughts, and because I also value my own time and mental health, I made a point to stop and not give in to the urge to over prepare.
The next morning was the interview and I felt anxious. My heart was beating fast, my stomach felt nervous. But I knew these feelings were not a sign that something was wrong. They were telling me that I was on the right path, taking a risk and putting myself out there, moving in the direction of my values.
Grading My Effort
After I finished the interview, I slipped into another perfectionist habit, ruminating over what I could have done better. I had just taken a step forward, but instead of feeling pride, I felt embarrassed. But I caught myself and reminded myself that I didn’t over prepare, I spoke my truth, and any mistakes I made just mean I’m human. Yay! I thought, I get an A plus! Then I literally kissed my own hand!
The icing on the cake was that when I finally saw the piece, I knew that people will actually find it helpful. Which makes me feel grateful and proud.
A 30-day cognitive workout to help you cultivate self-acceptance, resilience, and the “mental muscle” needed to thrive in an imperfect world!
Do you hold yourself—and others—to unrealistically high standards? Are you afraid of making mistakes? Do you live for to-do lists and deadlines, and yearn for flawlessness? You aren’t alone. In our competitive, high-pressure world, it’s natural to strive for excellence. But over time, these perfectionistic tendencies can feed the internal anxious “chatter” known as your “monkey mind.” So, how can you quiet the monkey and stop feeling like you need to be perfect all the time?
In this illustrated guide, psychologist and anxiety expert Jennifer Shannon will show you how to break free from the monkey mindset that drives your perfectionism and set realistic goals; unleash creativity, joy, and productivity; and foster self-compassion and compassion for others. Most importantly, you’ll learn how to give yourself permission to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes, leading to a fuller and more meaningful life.
Our monkey minds are hardwired for survival. They depend on the approval of others and the need to fit in and be accepted by the “tribe.” But monkey minds can also get in the way of reaching our full potential. If you’re ready to welcome imperfection and start taking risks, give this workout a try!
This book comes with access to downloadable worksheets and audio recordings to support your workout!
“Jennifer Shannon has written another nearly perfect book. In The Monkey Mind Workout for Perfectionism, she describes the illusion that perfectionism promises and the soul-crushing reality that it delivers. Take heart, though. Jennifer presents a path forward, filled with compassion, insight, and a host of activities that will calm any perfectionist’s ‘monkey mind.’ I highly recommend it.” —Michael A. Tompkins, PhD, ABPP, codirector of the San Francisco Bay Area Center for Cognitive Therapy; assistant clinical professor at the University of California, Berkeley; and author of The Anxiety and Depression Workbook
