A word of Torah:
This week’s Torah portion contains the strange tale of the prophet Balaam who is hired by the king of Moab to curse the Israelites. God first tells Balaam not to go, but then tells him to go. On the road there is an incident with Balaam’s donkey who refuses to move because he sees an angel blocking the way. In the end, Balaam stands overlooking the Israelite camp and utters a series of blessings.
While most commentators struggle with what God is doing and whether Balaam has good intentions or bad, I want to read it as a tale of indecision. Balaam is clearly ambivalent about going. Perhaps he is tempted by the fame and fortune the king is promising him, but also feels reluctant to curse a people that he has never met. Perhaps he is afraid that he will look foolish, literally like a talking ass.
I am struck with the comparison to another indecisive biblical character—Pharaoh. After each plague Pharaoh agrees to let the Israelites go if Moses will remove the plague. No sooner is it gone then he changes his mind. Even when he finally lets the Israelites go, he again changes his mind again and chases after them to the sea and his doom.
How do we make a decision in life when we are unsure what is the right choice? Uncertain whether to take a new job, haven’t we said to ourselves “I hope I don’t get it.” Or we use magical thinking—if it doesn’t rain tomorrow it will be a sign to take the job. We want someone or something else to make the decision for us.
Balaam is a model for us of how to struggle with a difficult decision. It is wrong to look for a sign from heaven. You can’t always get it right. The only way forward is to balance the pros and cons and decide. I imagine in that final moment standing with the king at his side overlooking the Israelite camp below, Balaam sees clearly that he can only bless not curse. He says: How good are your tents O Jacob, how fine your dwelling places O Israel. Mah tovu ohalekha yakov mishkenotekha yisrael (Num. 24:5).
The Hasidic master, the Sefat Emet contrasts the tents and the dwelling places. He understands tents as temporary homes vs. more permanent dwelling places. We might think that holiness can only be found in the Temple or in synagogues. The tents remind us that wherever we journey holiness can be found. Or to frame it more broadly, every moment has the potential to be filled with goodness.
Balaam’s real blessing to the people of Israel is to bless us with the knowledge that we have a choice and to use that ability wisely on behalf of others and ourselves.
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