Week 6: Boundaries,
how to recognise and how to state them.

Dear <<Voornaam>>,

Week 6 is about boundaries, and especially our own.

For us as parents it can be difficult to be both aware and respectful of our boundaries. The needs of our children and the demands of daily life often take priority over self-care.

For many people it can be stressful to state boundaries, as the reactions that follow are not always pleasant. Especially the emotions of toddlers can be hard to bear. And when we are stressed already, it is also difficult to spot options of dealing with boundaries harmoniously.

Often there is more room to wiggle than we think: with a bit of give and take we can both look after ourselves and those around us. Sometimes with a bit of help of friends or family.

Respecting boundaries requires mindfulness of the situation: bearing the discomfort of feeling how we are, and seeing how the others are doing. When we accept the reality of the situation, it becomes easier to discern what is needed and to take suitable steps. Even if that means to bear an unpleasant emotional respons.

Many parents tend to think that they should be able to handle anything.
But no person can bear everything. Nor do we need to.

Healthy personal boundaries set healthy examples for our kids:

• that there is room in this world for our needs,
• there is space for our emotions to come and go,
• that we can respect ourselves and others
• with kind and conscious actions.

This week I invite you to practice observing yourself with the utmost compassion and care, almost as if you yourself were a toddler. 

To support you in this journey, we practice with becoming aware of thoughts and feelings. When you are able to see them as events in the mind, their grip on our mind lessens.
As you practice to stay present with them - without trying to solve, rush away or ignore - it becomes easier to observe them as they come and go. 

The ability to view the eb and flow of thoughts and emotions with calm and acceptance, will build equanimity in yourself, and emotional security for your toddler. The way out is the way through...


HOME PRACTICE:

1. MEDITATION:
   Sitting meditation with attention for the breath and thoughts. Practice every day (6 times) guided by the recording or written text. Take notes of your experiences.
    
2. MINDFULNESS IN DAILY LIFE:
   Breathing space when your partner reminds you. Sometimes it is difficult to be aware of rising stress levels, others might even see it before we do. Therefore you can enlist your partner to remind you of breathing spaces this week. Read the instructions on page 174 and take notes.
    
3. MINDFUL WITH YOUR TODDLER:
   A: Practice awareness of boundaries. Throughout the day, observe yourself when you approach or cross a personal boundary. Pay special attention to signals in your body. Then see what you can do to take care of yourself in the situation. Read the instructions on page 176 and take notes.
    
   B: Seeing meditation, with audio.
    
4. READING: Read the chapter on 'Gedachten' on page 178.