I was excited for my first 'big meeting.' Our GBC was going to be there, the leaders from the other Bhakti communities in Metro-Detroit... and I was anticipating a great meeting of minds and hearts.
'Now we're gonna really talk shop!' 'Now we're gonna develop serious plans to make Mahaprabhu's Movement a force in Detroit again!'
I was pumped.
It only took about seven or eight minutes for my hopes, dreams and illusions of visionary grandeur to be sent crashing to the ground. This meeting was just going to be another meeting. Nobody was particularly excited, or interested that I was there - it was just something to do and get through before getting back to whatever else was happening that was of more interest.
I barely survived those 100+ minutes - internally all my enthusiasm was swinging from excitement and optimism to anger and frustration. But I kept my cool, and made it out - and learned an invaluable lesson in the process. I didn't get myself in trouble that day - expressing my teenage management angst - because I had something else to look forward to. The best thing actually - Harinama.
Later that day we were going on a big Harinama in Ann Arbor - and that's the thing I took shelter of as I felt my frustrations brewing in the meeting - the anticipation of going on Harinama with the devotees I feel most close to. It was great - and thinking about how great it would be before actually going got me through the relative disappointment of that meeting.
My parents did a good job of this with us as kids. We didn't have much money - but looking back I can see - they were good at priming my sister and I with some exciting thing to look forward to (and keep us in line with) even if it was a month or two down the road. A trip to the water park - going out to eat - even something as simple as renting a movie - became a kind of landmark of life for us - and we were well behaved and cooperative in between the 'momentous' occasions. The mind needs something to look forward to; and our soul needs to know Krishna is nearby. A trick of spiritual life is to give ourselves 'peak experiences' (to use the modern phrasing) to anticipate - amidst the day to day of life (devotional or otherwise).
This week I'm excited about the Ann Arbor Art Fair Harinama. It's been a while since we've got to chant in such a large gathering, and we'll have some special guests visiting to make it that much sweeter.
If all else fails between now and Saturday - I know I've got the great hope of a great Harinama to hold onto and that itself feels like all I need.
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