July 2021

Its been another slow month of dread and anxiety while waiting for pain relief. I am very much trying to maintain calm through chronic pain, a global pandemic and capitalism doing its thing to our beautiful planet but its been tough. 

I had another massive filling in my tooth, with two more to go. When I walked into my dentist appointment she asked if I was ok and I burst into tears saying I dont know if I can look after myself and I find it so hard to maintain personal hygiene especially my teeth. She said we can only do our best and cant expect more from ourselves than that. 

It was wicked watching some of the street skating at the for the first time at the Olympics this year, especially the womens where many of the competitors were 13 and 14 including all three winners of medals. 

Keep on reading to see progress on me and mums tapestries, our visit to a banner exhibition, my Harley Quinn obsession and some very fluffy cats.

Its really frustrating but i always have this creeping voice in the back of my mind which tells me im a waste of space. Sometimes its quiet and somethings it screams at me. I know it’s not true but having my health decline almost immediately after graduating has been such a struggle to find any self worth. Mum reminded me that everyday, people are seeing my mural in SE1 and smiling. I cant ever know the extent of the impact of the artwork I have made and so I really hope that sinks into my brain. I decided to draw this new piece with the intention of printing it on fabric so that I have a piece of art inspired by my mural to keep wherever i go. Here is my quick sketch outlining the general composition to my final drawing on procreate so that you can see how ideas first come out of my mind initially. I chose some of the motifs and design features from the mural and added my own hands and phrase “you are more than enough” as well as London to the world as a way of recognising that my work is shared far beyond my own imagination.

At the beginning of the month Mum took me to this exhibition displaying banners made by artists and community groups in 2018 which marked the 100th anniversary of some women getting the right to vote in England. It was truly breathtaking to walk into the space and seeing all these banners hanging three or four storeys high with a glass ceiling illuminating them all with day light. Many of them have a colour palette of green, violet and white which are the colours of the Suffragettes movement, which I found a bit triggering after recently finding out TERFS love to claim them in their fight to prove their oppressive points. Most of the banners had the theme of voting and the celebration of voting, but in a corrupt system voting doesnt bring much equality for marginalised people in 2021. I realise I am probably too radical now in my politics but I can appreciate the historical significance. Now if we get back to the art at the centre of this, i was positively overwhelmed with seeing over 100 banners as its not something I have seen before. The mixture of fabrics and techniques as well as representing all the community groups from across the UK was special. Banners have been used in political movements, especially in the womens liberation movement because textiles were skills these women had in their hands to utilise. Banners are easily transportable, designed to be both beautiful but also powerful in its message. You can read more here

Mum has been powering through with her tapestry everyday and it is so close to being finished. It has been so beautiful for me to watch it come together with the use of her techniques and creativity. I have slowly but surely warmed to the idea of enjoying doing needlepoint tapestry, its hard for me to accept doing this instead of hand embroidery because the actions are so similar yet the outcome is different. Needlepoint tapestry is done on a grid, so each stitch is done diagonally. This differs from my years of hand embroidery experience where for almost ten years i have had complete freedom with every stitch I make. Another difference is using wool, which is a material my mum is in love with, where as I love the shimmery shininess of cotton embroidery thread. This past week I have become completely obsessed with the piece Im working on as it truly represents where I am physically and mentally, and the satisfaction of seeing it come together has been rewarding. I need to be patient with myself and my new medium as I learn the intricacy of this way of making like I have with embroidery. I have no been adding a line of colour around the outside of the hourglass image, using a variety of wool available to me. This is adapting from my original design where the bright bold colours blend into the next.

Not only have I been deep into cartoon nostalgia i have also continued my love for Harley Quinn by treating myself to some volumes from a second hand bookshop online. I watched two seasons of Harley Quinn the animated series, and when I saw that someone I follow on twitter is writing the comic book continuation of this series my heart raced and I suddenly knew I needed to learn everything I can about this misunderstood character. I love that she has been written in a way that lets her be herself and not just an attachment to the Joker character like so many representations of her before now. I will keep you updated with further feelings about this babe as I become more obsessed, but the series I am currently reading is from 2014.

If you made it this far thank you!! Me and my parents drove to visit my aunt for the weekend for my first time since October Lockdown! It was so nice to get some fluffy cat time and sea air, we had a very windy walk around the beach and marshlands. Heres an update on my Aunt’s kittens who just turned one. They are so soft and fluffy! Pickle is the angelic big brother, meanwhile Pickle is a little terror. Follow them on instagram for regular cute updates.