Hello! 🌹
By some good fortune and a little wrangling, I'm typing this in 🇩🇪Berlin 🇩🇪 , on a late summer's afternoon. I'm planning to be here for six weeks. I have a partner here, and I'd like to explore the possibilities of setting up second camp in this city. To base myself between both Singapore and Berlin seems to make the most sense (It's a reach! But I'm reaching) to me at the moment. The last time I was here, the pandemic wasn't a thing, so being back here feels like a process of re-acquaintance all over again. If there's anyone you think would be good for me to meet, or things I should check out, let me know? :)
|
|
On Labour.
Up till right before I flew, I was pretty up to my neck in work, in between teaching university students, applying for grants and residencies, working on commissions and commercial assignments, and trying to maintain a sense of mental well-being. Singapore had undergone a number of lockdowns since the year began, and it was honestly all beginning to feel a little numb. Getting used to a minor depression isn't optimal living, I don't think. But one good outcome was that the people in my life took the extra effort to seek one another out, and those check-in texts, ice-cream walks, and food delivery care packages really did gently massage a sense of aliveness back. I will forever be grateful to them, some of whom are reading this very newsletter right now.
There were some months with very little income, and as someone who does quite a few different things, it made me reflect on the peculiar nature of labour. One moment, I'd be accorded some measure of authority in the form of teaching bright university student minds, and the next, I'd be holding a tight smile and trying my best to maintain a level of professionalism and empathy in front of a demanding client. Nothing like classist ideology to slap you back into reality. :)
I had started Almost June as a small, unpretentious business for the Singapore market. I didn't do it earlier because I had the privilege of international support for my work, which meant that my work had more avenues to sustain itself. But the pandemic caused many of us to look locally, and the reality of a small market meant that sustainability had to look different. So I pulled my socks up and did what I had to do. And for someone who lacked any sort of confidence as a young person, I still find pleasure in having my ideas and/or services trusted, regardless of the context. And I've been working with a range of people, from mental health and wellness businesses to inclusive fashion to C-Suites, so it honestly gives me so much insight that I would otherwise not have had access to.
I was making commissioned portraits of a client recently and they mentioned that they hadn't known I did such commercial work, because it seemed as though I took my practice seriously. ... All I can say is that I am seriously these many things, and that I am serious about survival, about fulfilment, about joy. Feel free to reach out with an inquiry ;)
|
|
One of the highlights of this year has been the Dance Nucleus (Singapore) and Thinker's Studio (Taiwan) virtual artist residency, through which I began working on YOUNG BODY with my longtime friend and one of the most talented people I know, Jawn. Right now the project takes the form of a lecture-performance video using found footage of myself as tween bb actor, and enabled by AI to generate a speculative little girl that I never was.
Here's the introduction I gave before presenting this at the residency showcase:
YOUNG BODY responds to discourse surrounding the patriarchal gaze and the female-presenting body. The lecture-performance uses found footage of my preteen body as a tween TV actor, speculative fiction and AI-learning to proffer restitution and freedom-making.
When I was 12, I found myself as a tween actor on a TV show in Singapore. I was one of three main characters, girls who solved crime before dinnertime. My character was nerdy and serious and logical, as bookish as I was in real life. I had never intended to be on a TV show; growing up, I was incredibly shy. One day, when I was about nine years old, my mother saw me talking to myself in the mirror, became worried, and promptly put me in a drama class. In one of those sessions, some people from the television network showed up and asked me for my contact details. I auditioned without really understanding what I was auditioning for, and that was that. As far as I was concerned I had my real life: my friends at school, homework, puberty. And this was a fun activity I did over the weekends. Personal branding was not on my list of concerns.
Until one day, when I received a text message from one of the other actors, saying that people were talking about me on the Internet, specifically, the online forum belonging to the television network. I logged on, and read comment after comment dissecting my appearance. In that moment, I realised that my body had been stamped with a value, and that it was being consumed. By who, I didn’t know, but I did know that not everyone wished me well. I cried the entire night, out of humiliation, confusion, and an awakening to a sober reality.
I never really talked to people about it, although it severely impacted the way I thought about myself and my body.
Just a few months ago, one of the producers on that TV show sent me a link, telling me that the show was now available on the broadcaster’s streaming platform. As you can imagine, I was mildly horrified, but also amused. When I saw the clips, I saw a young girl, not the warped being I had in my mind.
Through AI learning the appearance and mannerisms of my young body, I speculate a revision of the past in an attempt to traverse all of time and space, and be the young girl that we all can only hope to have been.
My work stems from utopic concerns, that of agency, repair, and in this case, revisionism. The avatar belongs not only to me, but is a tool for all the little girls who were ever on the Internet. In this way, the project is expansive, its potentialities unreached, its use defined by its requests.
This first iteration, in the form of a video, would not have been possible without the thorough and tireless research conducted by gender advocacy organisation AWARE, cyberfeminist discourses, to which Glitch Feminism by Legacy Russell belongs, which have given me much intellectual nourishment, my old friend, collaborator, and personal hype man Jawn Chan, who oversaw all technical direction and self-doubt, my facilitator Wan-Lun, my co-resident Amin, and the teams at Thinkers Studio and Dance Nucleus for giving my work a safe space. I don’t take it for granted, and I am always thankful for it.
So thank you, and now I will play YOUNG BODY.
Let me know if you want to watch it, and I'll send you the link. It's not an exaggeration to say that this work marks a new chapter in my practice. <3
|
|
It's been a lot of words! Thank you for reading!
I'll end off here in the meantime, but just in case anyone's interested, this is what I look like now. I have bangs. I feel simultaneously edgy and like a child.
There are a number of things I've been working on that I think will be important to give you all an update on, but now is not yet the time. What suspense! I live for dramatic tension.
Small reminder that if you want to support my independent work, you can buy me a coffee. 🤗
Until the soonest moment then!
Warmest,
C
|
|
|
|
|
