A word of Torah:
The Prophet Hosea (14:2-3) says: “Return Israel to Adonai your God, for you have stumbled because of your sin. Take words with you and return to God (khu imakhem devarim); say to God: Forgive all guilt and take what is good…”
The Malbim (a 19th century Torah commentator) understands these verses as suggesting how the process of teshuva/repentance or change should work. The first step is to realize you have done wrong. Not only have you hurt another person, but you have “stumbled” meaning that you are not the person you really want to be. Often that first step comes about because you fear being caught or you were criticized for what you did. While this can lead to teshuva, it is repentance out of fear/yir’ah—afraid of punishment or of losing a friend or your reputation. It can be accompanied by excuses for what you did wrong. “It wasn’t my fault I was late for your performance,” “the alarm clock didn’t go off” or “I didn’t do it on purpose”. Or I did it out of a form of addictive behavior.
The Malbim teaches the second verse of Hosea is suggesting another level of teshuva—repentance out of love/ahava. This is teshuva based in a positive desire to change. It is not an attempt to escape the consequences of your actions. It is not trying to diminish the damage to your reputation. The Hebrew phrase tissa avon can be understood as literally carrying your misdeed. It is to fully admit what you have done wrong and to make amends.
Ii is this second stage of teshuva that leads to a change in your behavior. For the Malbim, it is by doing mitzvot and good deeds (ma’asim tovim). Hence the repetition by Hosea of the verb take— "take words with you" and "take what is good"--the good with you in the days and weeks ahead. Elsewhere, the Malbim says: don’t leave the words in the synagogue but let them accompany you on your way. It is in your behavior that you demonstrate whether you have really changed.
In the Talmud (Yoma 86b) it says: Great is repentance—for one who repents his intentional sins are considered unintentional...But it also says: Great is repentance---for one who repents even her intentional transgressions will be considered as meritorious…These are not contradictory statements. In the latter case, she repented out of love. In the former, out of fear.
Teshuva out of love can lead to the merit of a person changing their behavior not just by ending patterns of misbehavior but by actively seeking to do good. Ultimately, they can make amends to those they hurt, to their broken selves and to an unredeemed world.
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