Edition 20 - August 2021
- Parents who're experiencing Domestic Violence... DO's and DONT's for child protection workers
- Our teens need us (and more)
- Parents speak with the National Children's Commissioner
- Positive consultations with Senior Legal Officers
- Simple ways for contact with our children to be better (for them)
- Have a cuppa with other parents
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BELOW: Emma, a DV specialist with the Department (along with other departmental staff) heard from parents who've experienced DV and the child protection system.
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Parents' DO's and DONT's for child protection workers - when working with parents who're experiencing Domestic Violence?
If you’ve survived and navigated a violent relationship, and child protective services became involved – what was that like? What was helpful? What could look different?
This was the topic of a joint workshop with mothers from FIN (Family Inclusion Network), Young Mothers for Young Women, and mothers who’ve worked with the Department of Children, the Safe and Together program, and/or the Walking with Dads program.
The purpose of the workshop was for the Department to hear from mothers about their DV experiences; how child protective services treated them, and how this could look different.
Maddie, FIN's Parent Advocate, facilitated the process and focused on the DO'S and DON'TS for child protection workers.
The following are excerpts spoken by the women:
DON'T
- don’t make mental health a blanket excuse to take my children into care when the mental health issues were borne out of living with violence
- don’t 'diagnose me' and insist I need to be on medication and make this a part of the plan to get my children returned
- don’t think it is easy just to leave the [violent] situation, when leaving often escalates violent behaviour
- don't define me only as a victim of DV
- don’t believe the first story you hear- it is vital that the perpetrator's tactics are understood
- don’t make me share visits with the perpetrator or make my visits supervised by the perpetrator
- don’t discriminate against me because of my DV experience
- don’t think every DV case is the same. Understand they are complex and unique- no 'one size fits all'.
DO
- be aware of the shame I feel
- know how hard I am working
- let me decide the time and place for check-in's ie. you could be putting me at risk- listen to me when I say “right now is not a good time”
- be more DV informed- allow us to be vulnerable and do not judge us if we are emotional
- have Safe & Together [an approach for workers to be "domestic-violence informed"] properly implemented- I saw a big difference in treatment when this was the case
- recognise the protective parent knows the perpetrator and their behaviours, but it is not the protective parent's role to do the work for the perpetrator
- know your biases
- keep firm confidentiality as you could be putting me/my family in danger
- show empathy and compassion for the protective parent
- know that I can -and do- make progress
- meet me where I am at; ask me what I need and acknowledge the work I do for myself
- understand perpetration is a parenting choice and hold the perpetrators accountable
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Our teens need us (and more)
For those of you who’ve joined a parent morning or afternoon tea you'll know the conversation can build connection, resource-sharing and mutual understanding.
Of late, there has been more conversations about the big gap in services for older children and young people who are experiencing the child welfare system.
Young people in out-of-home care should not be set on a track to youth justice because of a gap in services. No child or young person should ever be put in the 'too hard basket'.
Teens who are involved with the child protection system 'slip through the cracks'. Young people are refusing to go to school while they're living in residential care- yet parents are being told everything is fine, and their young person is "doing OK" in school.
We all know there's a crisis in teen’s mental health. "1 in 7 (14%) children and adolescents aged 4–17 had a mental disorder in the previous 12 months" (AIHW)
We worry deeply about our kids: we look for help regardless of whether our kids are with us, or with their other parent, or with other family members, or in foster care, or in residential care. So when we parents take a big step and believe that going to the Department would be the 'fast track' to get the help needed, we 'grab onto that'.
We feel the lack of connection, contact, and communication with our young people in the system. As we know, teenagers have a different mode of communication than young children - yet it seems our supervised visits with them are just the same as contact or access for younger children. Visits are set up in an office or contact centre, with someone sitting in the background watching us talk and taking notes... How are we supposed to be working toward re-unification if I can't even do what other parents do with their kids?
Maybe understandably, emphasis is put on services for younger children's safety and wellbeing. There aren't enough services - not enough early, safe, non-judgemental support for families with little ones --- but, compared with support for teenagers, they almost seem plentiful.
We feel 'left in the dark' to figure out problems on our own.
Often times when trying to contact a worker about our teen's wellbeing, parents are told things like 'you just need to wait it out'; 'I have 20 other families on my caseload, and I just don't have time' and 'well, we can't force kids to go to school'.
One of us made the good point: it's unfair to be given these responses by 'the state in its parent role' because if we'd said that to child safety, it would have been a different story.
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Parents meeting with the National Children's Commissioner.
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Parents speak with the National Children's Commissioner
FIN (Family Inclusion Network) joined up with parents and grandparents from Brisbane Domestic Violence Service (BDVS) to meet with Anne Hollands, the National Children's Commissioner.
The aim of their consultation was to give feedback on what services are working or how they are lacking when it comes to protecting Australia's children.
A few parents spoke to the supports and helpful connections they gained through BDVS programs and the positive support offered through the Youth Justice Early Intervention Program.
The following is a glimpse of what the parents indicated is lacking in terms of support services:
- hard to get psychological support as the waitlists are outrageous
- lack of confidentiality- services are mandatory reporters making parents hesitant to reach out for support out of fear of repercussions if Child Safety is made aware
- feel the system is punitive- looking for parents to do something wrong: should be an emphasis on responsibility-taking vs punishment
- lack of cohesion in services and treatment plans
- lack of cultural safety in education and support systems
A prevalent message seemed to be the lack of sense when it comes to meeting a threshold to be eligible for service, such as needing to have a diagnosis, or needing to be suicidal.
Anne Hollands asked what changes need to be made to the system. Below is some of what parents offered:
- functioning needs to be assessed across a continuum rather than against a set threshold or a clinical diagnosis
- parent mental health needs to go together with child mental health
- the government needs to make the children in care a priority as they are in the government’s care.
- more counselling and support should be offered for children and youth transitioning to and from care
- connections between parents and carers should be fostered whenever possible
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"If parents who have hurt their children are nevertheless valued as humans, who deserve the opportunity to work with dignity towards positive solutions to keep their children safe, there is no reason not to involve them in decision making" (Connolly, 2010 p. 212).
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Positive Consultations with Senior Legal Officers
Senior Legal Officers from all across Queensland have reached out to hear the experiences of some parents recently. The Department of Children’s Child and Family Official Solicitor, Tracey De Simone, asked the Family Inclusion Network (FIN,seq) to invite a group of parents to meet with Senior Legal Officers.
The team gave over space and time for parents to voice their stories and to begin a conversation. It was respectful, inquisitive, heavy, difficult, and emotional. Tracey and her team demonstrated the essence of family inclusion - "the active and meaningful participation of parents and family in the lives of their children" - at the systems level.
We know there is good support and responsive practice in the Department. We also know there is injustice and poor practice. And if we do not shed a light, if we do not come together for the difficult, uncomfortable conversations, there cannot be movement.
A couple of powerful questions emerged during this consultation:
- The 18 yr. child protection order was given as a first order to one of the parents who got his/her children returned in under a year's time. An order of such magnitude should rarely be given especially when there is the potential for movement with the family. It would be interesting to get data on how often and in what circumstances this is the first order given in Queensland.
- A few parents spoke about being put on an Intervention with Parental Agreement (IPA ) and then it jumped to a 2 year order. Why are shorter orders not used? Parents don’t understand why the Department does not start with a 6 month order and work with the family to see what progress could be made. Then either extend the order for another 6 months if need be, or return the child on a 3-6 months supervision order.
[See next article - for another theme from the Senior Legal Officers' meeting.Family contact time.]
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Contact! Hop, skip, jump - whatever's their thing. Contact should mimic family life.
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Simple ways for contact with our children to be better (for them)
Just the fact that seeing the kids is called 'visitation', 'access', 'contact'... think about that for a minute...
Visitation was a topic that came up in our discussion with Senior Legal Officers.
There is a randomness and there is negligence when it comes to contact visits when children are in care:
One parent had a 1-2 hour visit per week for the first YEAR her child was in care - and for the first 2 months she had no contact with her baby. This is incomprehensible when you think about attachment and the rights of the child.
Another parent said they had to do the 'Circle of Security' parenting course before she was allowed access visits. We're pretty sure this is not 'best practice' when it comes to contact.
Some parents are set-up to fail from the get-go as their child/ren are placed more than an hour away (by car). But the parent doesn't have a car, or they cannot afford the long trip, or the public transport is a long, multi-stage trip one way (bus, train, then walk).... but, “I'll do what I need to do, so I can see my child". Not sure that it's always known that a '1 hour' access takes a whole day's travel (round trip).
Other parents have spoken to how contact visits in DV situations are arranged with the perpetrating parent. As a result, the perpetrator supervises visits for the protective parent.
Clinical research reveals these things are essential to healthy visits:
- meaningful and frequent visiting is the single best predictor of safe and lasting reunification
- supporting attachment through visits helps ease the anxiety and confusion that often surrounds foster care
- children can talk to the people they need most about what has happened - their parents
- also hear from their parents what will and could happen and are assured they will see parents and siblings frequently
- has to be quality visiting (agency offices, where most visits between parents and their children take place, are some of the worst places to assess family attachments and family functioning)
- quality visiting can help children preserve significant rituals, share stories from school and social life, and continue to seek advice and encouragement from their parents, all of which helps them to cope in foster care and eventually make a smoother transition home. Hence, when possible, visits should occur outside the agency and include activities that mimic family life.
(Source: Child Law Practice.journal Vol.28 No.3)
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HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED 'THE SYSTEM' (in Qld) IN THE LAST FEW YEARS?
Then you have lots to teach others .... please join us
We always need more parent voices.... Write to us, ring, FB message us..... You can read here in Equal Chance the types of topics parents with lived experience are asked about. There are ALWAYS discussions coming up. Please come join us: you'll meet other parents, you'll learn lots, and you'll plant a seed that will help other parents. C'mon... email right now maddie.henaway@micahprojects.org.au ;-) |
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Have a cuppa with other parents
The great news is that there are parent groups in a few parts of Queensland. And we have great faith that more are emerging. We are all run differently and separately.... but we're all about empowering parents and families for their children.
Brisbane
If you're in Southeast Qld – here are the Southeast Qld dates.
(Completely confidential and casual.)
- Northside - Thursday afternoons
Next one - 23 September 2021
12.30pm - 2pm, Northside Connect (Nundah Neighbourhood Centre), 14 Station Street, Nundah QLD 4012
- Southside - Monday mornings.
Next one - 18 Octoer 2021
9.30am–11am, Wellspring Children and Families Hub 28 Malcolm Street, Hawthorne QLD 4171
Ipswich
- Ipswich Parents meet at the Club – Incommunity, 59 Limestone St, Ipswich. Usually on the first Monday of the month.10 am – 12pm.
Ph Krystal with any questions - 0484015709
Toowoomba
- Toowoomba Parents meet at Toowoomba Community Baptist Church, 100 Glenvale Rd, Toowoomba. Usually on the last Friday of the month. 9.30 am – 11am.
Ph Krystal with any questions - 0484015709
Townsville
- Townsville parents have support groups on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month - 10:30am-12:30pm - at 431 Ross River Road, Cranbrook (a residential house not a business address). Run by FIN Townsville. More here.
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We hold morning or afternoon teas ('tea time' catchups) with parents to share their experiences with other parents who have walked along the same path.
Get in touch with us to find out the next tea time catchup is.
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