How to Improve Your Money Relationship with Your Spouse

Money remains one of the leading causes of divorce. This can show up in many forms, from financial stressors to conflicting money styles. In my 17 years as a financial planner, I’m still amazed by the number of couples who fail to have meaningful money discussions before marriage. Some couples who have been married for years don’t know how much their spouse makes or how much debt they have. Communication can help bring potential money issues to the surface. The sooner you address money as a couple, the better.
 
Having money conversations as a couple goes beyond maintaining a happy, healthy marriage, it can also play a role in building wealth. In “The Millionaire Next Door,” Dr. Thomas Stanley says, “A household divided in its financial orientation is unlikely to accumulate significant wealth.” In fact, an overwhelming majority of millionaires surveyed in the book cited their spouses as critical to their financial success. Not sure where to start? Here are a few tips. 

• Share Your Money History: We each have a money story that is based on our life experiences. Those experiences can shape our values, attitudes, and behaviors around money. It’s important to share your experiences with your partner so you can understand each other’s perspective and the “why” behind your decisions. Having these conversations will not help you avoid disagreements, but it can help you lead with empathy and find common ground.

• Get on the Same Page: It’s important to have open discussions about your finances before you get married. Take time to understand where you both stand financially, your life goals, how you will split financial roles and responsibilities, and how you will resolve disagreements. If you’re already married, it’s not too late. This article offers practical tips on how to approach money conversations as a couple, important topics to discuss and how to navigate red flags.

• Communicate, Communicate: Communication is essential in all aspects of a relationship, and it should be prioritized. Commit to regular “money dates” where you discuss the household finances. Review your budget, net worth, and progress towards your shared goals. Celebrate wins and reward yourself for reaching milestones along the way. Avoid secrets (known as financial infidelity) and finger pointing. Creating a safe space will encourage you to remain open and stay present.

Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help. A financial planner can help you discover your shared money goals, facilitate tough conversations, and offer an unbiased perspective. If you have deeply rooted money issues or feel stuck, consider a financial therapist.