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"We see others as a means to our own edification and private gain, and we try to find ways to situate ourselves - in the office, the department, the congregation, the neighborhood, the conference - by which we can be the gainers. We try to place ourselves into a relationship with the community in such a way that the community becomes a means of satisfying our own private interest. But all the while, we are being killed by that effort."
~ "The Communism of Love" by Richard Gilman-Opalsky
It’s disturbing how readily we accept social practices that are thinly veiled methods of dehumanizing the beauty of interpersonal interactions.
Take networking, for example! A heartless, soul compressing activity for humans to do to another, if there ever was one. A commodification of smiles, where every interaction is mediated through the prism of “what can I get out of this person?”
Or, the insular nature of many marriages and nuclear families, where having a child is more similar to a prison accepting a new inmate than anything remotely familiar to raising a fuckin’ human being. Marriages devoid of love; disinterest in the well-being of the person laying next to you. People isolate themselves in the name of companionship. Ironic.
God...I hope I’d be randomly shot in the street if I ever got to the position of leaching off another human being for the benefit of fancy objects and accumulated idiocy.
Like, fuck work. Fuck retirement. Fuck any semblance of existing in a respectable fashion in this hogwash shit show of an addicts nightmare. I just want to hangout with my friends, family, and comrades.
I used to think I wasn’t “social,” that I was “introverted” (a ridiculous dichotomy of human experience, by the way), that other people did it better than me. Not quite sure what changed. Sure, I let go of a few dozen concepts and mindsets that only limited me. Eventually you’ll run into enough new social scenarios that you’ll begin to trust yourself. I know this will not shock a few of you, and cause a few of you to shake your heads in displeasure, but sometimes all you really need is a few drinks in you. A relaxed acceptance that “being yourself” is the best option you’ve got to offer.
Who the fuck walks into a party hell-bent on enlarging their network? Every person a potential transaction? Man, I just want to talk about how shitty life is, and what gets you moody at 11:30 at night. A resume? No you may not! Keep your business card in your pants where it can rub up against your lifeless dick, you fuck!
I just want to hang with my friends, and make new ones. Sue me!
If that means I’ll die broke and lacking any substantial career accomplishments or awards, I’m fine with that. $20 says I’ll be happier than you! And I don't have to suck corporate dick to get it either.
Where some people sabotage their relationships for material glory and accumulation, I want to sabotage my life under capitalism by focusing on people.
Two things I want to explicitly stand against is the perversion of love and socialization into acts of exchange value. To put it bluntly: fuck your economic analysis of human emotions and relationships. Love is not something to be acquired. It is an action that we all take part in. To chiefly focus on being “loved” or “lovable” is a pathway to conformity and the selfish chasing of that which should be given out. None of my friends, comrades, and family need to do this or that to win or keep my love. Obviously issues of abuse and neglect should not be blindly excused in the “name of love,” but what I’m focusing on is this sickness of love as a quid pro quo.
I back my friends up, not because I’m looking for something in return, but because I care about them deeply as fellow human beings.
We are not things, and I refuse to engage in any perceptions or silly mind games that distort human connection. Fuck economics. Fuck your dumb material shit. And fuck off entirely if you have a problem with me saying that.
“Everybody is to everybody else a commodity, always to be treated with a certain friendliness, because even if he is not of use now, he may be later. There is not much love or hate to be found in human relations of our day. There is, rather, a superficial friendliness, and a more than superficial fairness, but behind that surface is distance and indifference.” ~ Erich Fromm, “The Art of Loving”
One thing I’ve noticed is how caught off-guard some people are when confronted with earnest social authenticity. It’s like they got hit with an ocean breeze randomly. It’s refreshing. We’re so used to distorted social connections - a spectacle of human connectedness - that when it’s lightly pushed back against it feels like a new world.
They're shocked by real anger and hatred, too. That someone who was hurt by another unapologetic person would intensely dislike them is a foreign concept to them. I'd posit that love, detached from supercializing effect of exchange value, leads us to actually feel shit for others who we care about.
The silly quid pro quo social performativity of white supremacist culture is one where human connectivity is flattened to easily digestible movements that promote social conformity more than they do love.
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